


The Art of Manipulation

by DTA2013



Series: The Art of Maniputalion [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Abuse, Crimes & Criminals, Drama & Romance, F/F, Family, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Rape, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 15:29:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 93,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3452321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DTA2013/pseuds/DTA2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes what you only see what a person wants you to see! What happens when Emily doesn't see the danger, Can JJ and the Team reach her in time</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I keep forgetting to place disclaimers so here it is DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds or its characters...  
> I also post on FF and fictionpad under DTA2013.  
> ARCHIVING: Only with my permission. I don't normally put this but seems that people are at it again. The only places these stories should be are Fanfiction and Fictionpad. I do not want to have to change the privacy settings on here to only registered users. So please if you find any of my works anywhere other than these sites please inform me many thanks.  
> Also there is a second version of this series on FF.net not sure if I will publish it here.

** Date and time: 02.00: June 2003 **

** Location: Manchester. England. **

You get to a point in your life when something clicks I was told a long time ago to write what I feel but what if writing it down it becomes real? At 13 I learnt how to manipulate people make them think feel what I wanted them to feel what I wanted them to see and I still do it now, scary thought isn't it! You thought you knew me. You know what I want you to see.

I became what in your eyes I should be, polite to an extent of what is classed as normal, say your p&q's, never quite understood what the q stands for but I am sure it bears no real reason, it's the quality you portray to people it's what they see, not what you see! There is one thing that I am scared of and that is of myself, if I let it out and become what I want to be or maybe I should say, it is what I want to do.

What I feel like doing sometimes and I guess it use to as they say these days "turn you on gets you off. I'd love nothing more than to wrap my hands around someone's neck and watch the life leave their eyes, but I know this is wrong so I cage it away,

I leave it at the back of my mind but sometimes it comes to the front, not as often as it used to, but it's there deep seated in my mind it's the part I fear, I lose my temper I get angry at everything but mainly at myself.

Things I hate about people, even my so called friends they think I like to be hugged touched when the fact is I hate it, you move to get away, to get their hands off you, their so called care and love in a better way,

I hate it but yet to inflict pain more so and mainly to a man well that's something else!

A man thinks with their pants or what is in their pants wonder if they still would if it was chopped off?

Yet the other side of me knows this is wrong it is not right so I hide it.

People say I'd make a great dad! I know I would not, due to the fact that I know more than likely I would kill it, and in my mind that seems okay!

But I know it's not they say I have bipolar but I know they are wrong on some level because I hide half of myself away, that one part of me that sometimes screams to be let out.

The thing is it is coming more often, so therefore I stay away from people from the world because here I am safe and they are safe from me! The problem is I know maybe too much, I have seen it, I have heard it, they would lock me away and I would hate that. I don't want that I need to be free, but something inside says I'm not free I am a prisoner in my own mind and I know it,

I can feel it yes I am a bubbly person I can get on with mainly anyone but I do not fit in and I know that! I look in the mirror and I do not see me I see a shell of what I am meant to be, or should be so I lock myself away only going out when I need to.

I watch these programs on crime and I know where they went wrong, they acted on it!

You cannot lock someone up for thinking, but you can if they act on it so I take the pills they do not help they do not suppress the feeling and the want.

They ask me if I hear voices I use to now, they only visit every so often, and they only come when I allow them. Maybe I should allow them more room, the questions I have, to see what a killer sees.

However, I am no killer I just think it that is the difference I wonder how many others think it feel it.

I do not care what you think when you read this to be honest I never care what anyone thinks no more.

I am some semblance of me, or part of me. Maybe it is me but there again I learnt to play the game a long time ago, when they found out I cut the one part of my life I could control and they took that away from me, because it is wrong to hurt yourself?

However, do we not hurt ourselves every time we smoke and drink alcohol? But there again smoking and drinking is normal because you can't see the damage that you really are inflicting of yourself! Just a shame you cannot see it or feel it yet? Therefore, you self-harm and mutilate your own body.

You will when the alcohol eats away at your mind or that cough from smoking clogs your lungs so you struggle to breathe to take that air that you so badly need but by then it will be too late for you!

At least with just taking that blade and letting some of that blood out doesn't kill you, but it is deemed wrong in this world but someone to cover their body in tattoos and piercing is fine? Is that not a bit fucked up?

That is still harming yourself but in your eyes, it is classed as art as someone's free will but when you hurt yourself there is something wrong with you, because you have inflicted that pain on to yourself!

Would you rather I cut another person or control my mind enough to take that angry and pain out on myself? Maybe I have had it wrong for the past 19yrs oh I forgot you all think I started cutting when my grandparents died but you will find yourselves very much wrong! I started at 12 I just hid it very well. If that stupid sister of mine had not come out her bedroom, they still would not know! However, she did and off to the shrink I was thrown! Yet no one asked me what I wanted or needed? A child has no say or no rights. Really.

They say childhood experiences have made me like this. Let me tell you something about my childhood, it was a good one I just hate my family and wished they would either die or fuck off and leave me alone!

My mum I guess you could say liked to sweep things under the carpet let's see the bullying got put under the rug until I walked out of school at 14 and told her to try and make me go back! First time she listened so I went to another school, that too was full of freaks and idiots that thought they were better than everyone else was, who even told me I would need a hell of a lot of luck with my future and where are they now?

Let us see they all had kids when they left school, single mums and dads yes that is something to aspire to be? I think not you could not keep your legs shut. I just hope your kids go through the hell I went through. Bullied mentally and physically and you will then know what you did to us few who did not hang ourselves even though their parents blame it on drugs.

Ahh drugs yes been there, done that and it did nothing for me, same with the drink it just numbed the pain, and I never worked out what it was though. However, what would I know?

So I left school started work because as mum said I am not like my sister I would not cope. If you put someone down enough and often enough, they believe it or you all that fucking thick?

So I worked at the stables and yes I loved it, but then I went and worked at the pub and everyone hated it! Why, because I would work, over 60/70 hours a week, or was it because I was earning more money than you mum?

My sister had it easy in my eyes everyone loved her, wanted to be around her. She would say jump, and people would say how high? Talk about sheep!

You all hated my job my relationships well like you say it will not last so therefore you made me commit myself to a life where I will have no one! Aside from the fact, I do not trust people!

You see anyone I trusted had or have let me down just the way life is so therefore you rely on yourself no one else and you screw up.

Me more so than most but there you go I am 31 and have nothing no life hardly any friends but there again maybe that is for the best. I know I am fat my mum has said it enough hell even the doctors says it. So there it is imprinted in my mind even when I was 11 stone I was still fat in your eyes and now that's all I see is fat so thank you for making me hate myself!

At 15 I had keyhole surgery yet another doctor judging me, but I kept my mouth shut which I have learnt to do sometimes, but sometimes it gets the better of me and then I get shouted at but like he said the pain in my knees is all in my head because I self-harm?

I have never worked out how pain is connected to the fact that I self-harm and here I am, haven't done it in a while but yet I want to take that blade and cut but I won't because then everyone will look at me like I've hurt them. How the fuck do I hurt you it is not you that I took the blade to my fucking body.

However, you act, as though it is yours. Don't do this don't do that but yet there you are drinking 4 bottles of wine a night but that's fine isn't it? You judge me because you are so perfect. However, you are not, your pathetic, a cancer!

I will never forget or forgive you for that either. Why is it you having cancer my fault again? People wonder why I hate my birthday why I would rather forget it well here it is at 25 sat around for a meal and my mum blurts out that if she ever gets cancer it is my fault because I smoke.

The fact that one I have never smoked near her second I do not even live with her it is my fault? It is easier to blame me than to take responsibility for your own actions! The fact that dad smoked over 40 fags a day and smoked them in the same room as you had nothing to do with it NO!

It is my fault yet again, seems I am to blame for a lot of things and I wonder why I'd be better off dead but even that would be my fault like you never drove me to do half the things I do?

That would be to easy never except the fact that half the reason I am like I am is because you made me that way? Putting me down telling me I weren't good enough I'd never amount to anything I'm not like my sister and thank god I'm not like her!

But I am like her in so many ways you just don't see it. I had it imprinted in my mind when I found out you had cancer, which you never told me I found out. Wrong place wrong time no matter what you say that would be my fault maybe you should just blame me for everything, grans and nans death the dog dying or the fact that now your half the person you was!

Because your body if failing you call me fat but yet you're so perfect nothing wrong with you but yet you are fat so is dad my sister half starves herself because she doesn't want to end up like you. Should that not tell you something?

And yes for the record I hate my mother when I needed her the most she palmed me off to someone else instead of talking to me but thank you mum for teaching me one thing how to make people see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear! You did a bang up job of it give yourself a pat on the back!

So I got into a relationship with a girl that was a mistake but the mistake was mine! fact my mum hates anyone I am with, I don't care what she thinks anymore because she never thought anything of me to start with I am a pawn for them to use when they need me but when I need them they don't come!

My sister fucks me off she was the one that wanted 3 kids if you can't cope you should have kept your legs shut instead you rely on me to help you.

However, when I do not want to you turn on them fucking tears or you bitch at mum who then bitches at me because I am not helping you! Yet none of you see what it is doing to me being around you kills me that little bit more every day!

However, the other side of me loves my sister and would do anything for her and my family. Because somewhere in this fucked up head of mine. I guess you could say I care about them.

I would not say love them because if I am honest I do not think I can love anyone I have feelings yes and I do cry but as for love I very much doubt it!

Does that make me a cold-hearted person? No, it does not, well not to me anyway but there again, it is now 2.24am when I write this and according to you all its wrong not to sleep! I am tried I am worn out but not for the reasons you think I am broken and I know I am.

I have been for a very long time but you do not see it because I do not let you see it because I am scared that you will lock me away. I am locked away in my mind and you'd want to lock me in a hospital so why am I doing this now why am I letting this out why am I telling someone this now.

The fact I know deep down I don't have bipolar it's the new trend that you seem to give everyone these days you don't know what's wrong with them its bipolar well think again yes I do have some traits of bipolar but have you ever thought that is just the surface that is just one part of me?

Oh I have played the game for so long I don't even think I know myself anymore surrounded by lies because you all needed a reason for what I do why I do it why I lose control why I like hurting myself why I have no control over my life or myself, but yet I do. Otherwise, I would be in prison for murder wouldn't I, so I do have control never been in trouble with the law.

I remember when I was a kid I found the sheer enjoyment out of pulling the legs off frogs did you know they still try to move once you pull their legs off fascinating really in a sick twisted way! Pulling the wings off daddy longs legs they do not die either.

Why is it when you kick the shit out of a dog it still comes back to you? I thought they were intelligent. Maybe not oh well. This is the side I do not let people see I do not need them to see because I control it.

It is funny you pull a fish out of water it still attempts to breath? Takes a few minutes for it to die and yet there eyes never closed maybe the lack of eyelids have something to do with it but anyway.

Oh don't think for one second I will hurt someone because I won't but the thought is there it is laid out in front of me in front of my world it is part of me my being my soul,

I obsess with things and I know I do, but not the things you would expect! That's messed up isn't it, I have a thing for DVDs and it fucks me off when I can't find what I want oh well story to my life.

I have no pity for people they get what they get because there card has already been dealt, it was dealt the second they took that first breath and it will stay with you till you take your last breath. As I write this I have no feelings behind it other than I am too tired to hide away anymore too tired to make people see what they need or want to see.

My biggest wish in life and I only have one would be for people to leave me alone in a sense sometimes it is nice to talk to people other times I have nothing to say not because there is nothing to say.

Because what I have to say or I am thinking has no meaning has no point no sheer reason, but it is there it is a pattern as much as the person who acts on it they have no control over themselves which is a shame but there again maybe sometimes it would be good to let go.

But then my caring my reasoning side takes over and I am put back away into the shadows but yet I lurk around hoping that someday I can see the light of day but I know you won't allow it because you fear me which in fact means you fear yourself which is never a nice thought!

I was once asked to do this and now I have and if you read this, if I allow it, which I might, and more than likely will. Please do not try to lock me away because that half of me is under control I have no understanding of why I feel like this but I do and am too tired to keep this mask on.

I can tell you the point it got worse and I was 23 when it got out of hand I cut to stay in control, you took that away so how do I control myself? I am lost I have always been lost if anyone cared to fully read my history because even I know my files are big! But you won't because you have little time to study people in-depth to fully understand there way of thinking.

In addition, for the record, I have been depressed where there is no hope everything is empty and black but it's still like that but I know it's not depression. That second I find a balance inside myself it is black it is empty it is like looking through another's eyes and watching myself but it is me it is part of me we all have different parts mine I hide well because people don't need to see it.

They don't need to see or feel it you want to know how I harm myself now is by sex there you go I have sex with men. It hurts I hate it but if I do not cut, mum leaves the guilt trip away from me so therefore I might not build more hate towards her and my family is it normal to do this! NO?

Do people do it yes do they admit to it more than likely not. I try to make people happy but it makes them feel good but for me I'm left empty a vacant shell of what I was but who cares about me I sure as hell don't I have been used by everyone why stop now.

31 years of being used, blamed, and made to feel like nothing is a hard path to change to except that maybe you are something but that second you feel you are something they will pull me back down so why should I even try?

Maybe this time I will not even try to hide and cage myself!

* * *

 

** Location: Unknown **

** Date and time: 1, December 2006, time unknown **

Hello, my friend it has been a long time since I have written in here, but in 3 years a lot can change I have moved from England and now reside in America. I am not sure how I landed here just that now I am a citizen of this state, oh yes it might have something to do with the demise of my parents but there again brake's fail on cars a lot if you have an oil leak!

So in the past few years I have found my feet so to speak I bought a lovely home away from everyone. It is on the outskirts of town, four storey with a cellar, living area, bedrooms on the upper level and then there is the attic, I have a bit of land but enough for what I want and it is isolated which is nice, also an advantage.

For someone who did not want pets I have two lovely cats but there again they are not really pets they are wild, they come for food and water and to be stroked every now and again.

It has been so easy here in Washington DC the capital, a beautiful place I have visited there sometimes, but not that often though, only when I need something that requires me to leave my home. I have lovely suv with plenty of boot space which I need to carry out my acts and transport.

It occurred to me years ago to become a ghost and to move to a country away from my family, and well after my parents so called died in that freak accident and I inherited a fortune, it helped me move and no one questioned me.

So I don't need to work, I don't even see the doctor anymore, and I have been off my medication now for over 2years since arriving here.

This has allowed me, for the first time in my life to become myself and not live in the shell or cage which I had made in my mind. I am free at last and I am now able to act out what I have dreamt and thought about doing for years.

I have learnt so much about the human body and about how much the body can sustain before it succumbs to death, it really is fascinating. I have found that living where no one knows you or can hear you is a great asset to one's inability or ability to practice.

The first year I arrived here, this house called to me and I fell in love with it. I reconstructed the inside my cellar looks marvellous really. The stairs leading down are made or iron so you can hear the foot falls on the way down, there is no natural light so I have installed lighting which really does help in one's ability to see!

I made four rooms, which I guess to the outside person look more like jail cells than rooms. One room I have a nice bathtub that has built on restraints.

The second room has an iron bed that has a small just I guess a little stronger than a camper mattress, which has blue covers on and houses more bindings to hold things down while they lay there. Dim lighting a chair fixed to the floor near the bed.

The third room houses a few things branding equipment tools to enable you to pierce through skin, a metal gag hog ties which are really fascinating pieces of equipment if you know how to use them correctly and it took me six months to master this amazing really you can learn so much in so little time.

The fourth room has a metal board which allows me to hang my work up to a standing position reminds me of Jesus on the cross. Now this room is another one that is magnificent my true passion which allows me to abide to myself and be me, whips and floggers line the wall all more severe than the first I must admit I love the studded flogger makes so many beautiful marks on the flesh. I have sexual equipment as well. I do like to see them hobble on their hands and knees leading them from room to room a woman on all fours, now isn't that how they are meant to be?

The first one she came with me willingly she was a runaway a nobody someone who wouldn't be missed or reported as missing who cares about street trash anyway they live on the streets they sell their bodies for money.

I paid this one $2000 shame she never got to use it she was with me for two months and in that time I learnt so much about her body and what and how much I could push before she broke. She was stubborn but a pretty brunette.

Anyway I have told you about that now, so let me tell you about now I was just getting rid of the last girl, who was no use to me, she broke in a sense well in truth she died.

Now I have my sites on a new person she is beautiful and very strong but I worry someone would miss her, I met her in a bar she was with these other two women.

Yes, she humiliated me but in the sense I feel she would be a willing opponent to break in, she might even last longer, but how do I get her?

This is why I am here now writing this down maybe if I can map this out I will be able to lure her.

I did over hear her and her friends talking about these well I call them hookers they do not warrant the term human. They seem to work in law enforcement which is even a bigger challenge for me how to lure someone like that? I will start small, I think and hunt down little rich girls, although I will never hurt a child under 16 but maybe that would throw them off or make them work harder. I’ll give that some thought.

So that means children are out of it maybe instead of hunting 16-20 I go above that and work my way up this brunette looked to be in her 30s so it would be practice. To find someone who looks the way she does and holds herself with an air of elegant to herself, maybe I will have to work on that part I will get back to you my faithful friend.

** Date: 2 December: **

So I went out today to a very expensive place I am going with if you want to attract the rich women you best dress accordingly to how they do so I have spent over $5000 on clothes my hair shoes and sprays.

It is strange how much effort can be required for this, very odd in fact that a person is willing to spend so much money to appear nice and rich, but this is what I must do if I am going to be able to get near that beautiful woman I saw.

She and her friends seem to always go to the same bar I would say after every work day but sometimes they do not show up for a few days she must work longer hours and the bar closes before she finishes her shift.

But this bar in prime hunting ground as many seem to come from money and some even come alone I was speaking to one lady today she was telling how bad her life was as a lawyer is and how she has to deal with these scum of the earth, her words I wonder what she is thinking now?

Well she is already crying and whining she lacks that fight maybe removing her breasts was not the best way to go with this one she bled out very fast. Must remember not to remove them again never knew they held so much blood inside them strange. I will dispose her body later tonight! The bathtub comes in handy when things become bloody. Not much to clean up so that means I can hunt again tonight.

** Date: 4 December: **

The problem with taking rich little girls is people notice. But this one I took yesterday seems to have a fight in her so she should last longer than the others, she screamed when the hot iron were placed on her naked skin, but the ice cold bath afterwards seemed to help her, as she only whimpered then, although maybe it helped having the metal gag in place.

She also learnt very fast if she screams I tend not to work her too hard I just love to hear them scream. The studded collar also helped, I may see what she feels like inside later. I am letting her rest right now in the tub she has candles for light and the tape I have playing for her will help greatly I think.

** Date: 4 December: **

Letting her rest for two hours seemed to help she never move or whined when I placed myself inside her, she also seemed to like being flogged as she hung there not making a sound which makes me want to hurt her more, to hear her scream to break her.

Maybe I should let her know; once she has been good enough and done everything I ask, I will let her go. That could help I may try that later and see what reaction I get.

** Date: 6 December: **

Well she lasted 3 days in total I found a new one as well not so long after I placed the other in the park. This one is a challenge though she is really pissing me off, she screams and cries and I have not yet done anything to her.

However, what worries me is the fact she is a daughter of someone in the government so if I let her go they will find me so maybe I should just kill her instead of playing with her? However, maybe not for that would just be a waste!

** Date: 12 December: **

Well she lasted a lot longer than I thought, before her body finally gave out but I must now lay low for a while, as they have now involved the FBI that is all I need.

Therefore, I am going to go out and to the bar for tonight and plan how I am going to capture that brunette.

I will write again soon my friend

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

** Location: Roman's Pub, Potomac Avenue. **

** Date & Time: 19.28pm, 15 December 2006 **

I had been coming here often now for a few months and I was what they classed now as a regular, I also now had chance to talk to the brunette and to get to know her.

I knew she was not one who would just walk off with someone that she didn't know, but tonight it was different, I see her sitting alone at the bar tonight, swirling the whiskey in her glass, so the cubes hit gently against the sides.

Something just seemed off about her, although this is the first time I had seen her alone, and she also doesn’t seem fully aware like normal, her eyes looked sad and for a second I thought she might have been crying, so I approached her carefully.

"Hey Emily is everything okay?"

She lifted her head slightly turning it to face me. She gave me a half smile before she responded.

"I guess I will be, it’s just been a hard week" Emily replied softly.

This was my chance to find out if she was alone, she was never alone on a Friday night.

"Where is the rest of your group?" I enquire softly showing some concern.

"I just didn't feel like their company tonight, also they wanted to see a movie" Emily replied somewhat distantly.

I studied her for a moment maybe this was my chance to finally have her, to finally capture her. I replied making my voice seem concerned and somewhat hurt

"I'll leave you be then."

I turned to move away hoping she may take the bait they I had laid down, hoping that the alcohol had taken some of her instincts away from her, the group she normal hangs with always seemed aware of everything. Apart from at weekends where they seemed to let go.

Emily rested her hand on his arm to stop him from leaving

"Rob you're fine to stay" Emily answered, the last case had taken it out of her she wanted to break away from the team, her family, for just one night.

I nodded and smiled softly at her she had taken some of the bait, maybe tonight she will walk into my trap.

"Let me get you another drink, what are you having?" I asked in a polite manner.

"Whiskey on the rocks please"

I order our drinks, a whiskey for Emily and shandy for myself

"Would you want to get a table?" I ask, handing her the drink.

Emily just nodded before standing, she was worn out after 5 days of hardly any sleep.

I guide her to an empty booth away from the groups of people, as I place our drinks down, and she turns and looks at me

"I just going to head to the bathroom" Emily said softly with a small smile.

There is something about the kindness of a stranger that can warm your heart even though he wasn't really a stranger. They had been talking on and off over the past few months, he always seemed kind, easy to talk with joked around with the boys, and yet he had never enquired what they did for a living, He seemed like your typical business man, and for this Emily like him.

This was perfect I thought to myself. I sat down in the booth slipping some GHB into her glass, just enough to make her seem drunk, more than she already is, smirking to myself. This was really happening!

"Is everything okay?" I asked when she returned

"Yes, no complaint's here, So Rob tell me about your-self?" Emily asked softly

I smiled softly at her before I replied. "Well I use to live in England until my parents died in a car accident. I moved over here not long after I live alone with my two cats and as you have noticed I like the beer in this bar and that just about sums me up" I smile softly as I look into her eyes, those chocolate eyes, she truly is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.

Emily smiled softly and nodded picking her glass up and taking a sip "So tell me what makes someone like your-self come to a bar like this the food isn't that great" Emily smirked and joked slightly with him.

"Well it isn't just the bar I come to see. I come in hopes of seeing this beautiful woman" I flirt slightly hoping she will take this bait I am offering up to her

"Lucky woman, so why are you sitting here with me?"

"She isn’t her tonight” I teased, smiling sweetly at her

"Would you like another whiskey?" I can see the effects already the drug is having on her maybe she would ask for a ride home.

Emily shook her head "I think I should get going" Emily replied as she started to get up, her head began to spin, she stumbled slightly as her legs felt like jelly, she rubbed her eyes hoping it would help her focus again but it didn’t help.

"Here let me help you." I stand holding her arm as she tries to steady herself "Would you like me to give you a ride home?" I ask my voice showing concern again

Emily nodded as she felt her legs go to jelly "Must have had too much" She never fully finished what she was saying.

I guide her outside and towards my suv helping into the passenger side. I put her belt on before I close the door walking around to the driver's side. I look over at her, her eyes were already closing her words slurring as she tried to tell me her address. But I wasn't taking her home, I was taking her to my home. I grin to myself I had finally managed to capture her.

I drive slowly towards my home she mumbles but I could not tell what she was saying and at this point I no longer cared. I just needed to get her into my cellar so she wouldn’t be able to fight me.

I help her out the car; well I more or less carried her. I had the woman I had been dreaming about in my arms, she smelt like heaven to me and still in her drugged state, she still had this air of power about her. I carefully carry her down into the cellar not once has she opened her eyes.

I place her into the cot placing the chain around her legs, strapping her arms down to her side my hand runs over her body her muscles twitch at my touch, as she lets out a small moan.

Tonight I’ll let you sleep it off. It’s no fun when you are drugged and tomorrow we can have some fun. I kiss her on her forehead before standing to leave, I double check her restraints before closing the metal door behind me. I lock the door sliding the three bolts across, before heading back upstairs to rest.

* * *

 

** Location: Rob's house Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 16 December 2006: 07:00 **

I awoke from my slumber still feeling quite pleased with myself I could hear a mumbled noise coming from downstairs "Ahh she is awake" I say aloud.

I gather up some bread and water she might be thirsty as I walk down the stairs my boots making enough noise that she hears me I start to hear her louder.

"Who are you?" Emily asks hoping that someone is there.

She hears footfalls echo outside the room she hushes down a little as she is unsure where or who she is with, she tries to think back to last night. Okay I remember the bar and talking to Rob having a drink with him and the rest is blank.

The bolts are removed one by one, she counted three in total, she hears the key being turned in the lock her mind tells her to be still.

She needed to work this out, she tries to move her arms but they are bond to the bed she moves her legs and hears the metal clinking against each other **'Damn it'** she mutters softly to herself.

I enter the room I smile she is there I did not dream it she is mine.

"Good morning Emily I do hope you slept well." I say kindly

Emily turns and looks at him her eyes adjusting to the dulled light that has entered the room

"Rob? Where I'm I?" Emily slurred slightly.

"Don't look so worried, you are right where you are meant to be. You are home now. I brought you some food and water, let me help you sit up." I say kindly.

Emily looked at him, it was not registering what he was saying, as her mind felt like mush, she nodded slightly.

I help her to sit up slightly, keeping her tied as I help her to eat a small amount of food and she drinks a full glass of water.

"I just want to talk to you today," I say softly

"About what?" Emily tried to test the bindings they were too tight to move.

I turn and place the tape player on the table.

"Before I answer that you need to listen to this. I will be back in a while" I press play on the tape as I get up to leave locking the door behind me just as I hear the first woman scream. Music to my soul.

Emily's eyes shot open wide in shock and fear, the screams ripping through her like a knife. It was the voices, he even introduces these women. Emily remembers that the team are meant to joining the locals on Monday to try to find him. The tears come as I listen to each woman being beaten and god knows what else he is doing to them. ‘I have to hang on they will find me.’

* * *

 

Walking back down into the basement two hours later. I unlock the door and walk in Emily's eyes are blood shocked. She has been crying I think to myself.

"So I want to first speak to your about training. You will only speak when I say you can. You will only eat and drink if I allow it. And finally you will do as you are told I have seen you with them girls you go out with what's that blonde ones name again?"

Emily looked blankly at him was he referring to JJ or Garcia?

"Anyway do you know that it is wrong to look at another woman like that don't you?"

Emily frowned slightly not wanting to answer not willing to reply

"Answer me." I say in a firm voice

"I don't look at anyone in a wrong way" Emily replied, the hate she had already formed, showing in her voice.

I hit her across her face so hard that blood came from her lip

"Try again" I say

"They are my friends we are close that's all" Emily replied

"Very well" I stand and move closer to her, her arms try to break the binds as I start to rip her shirt off her, I hit the other side of her jaw.

"Keep still" I command and yet she still struggles against the rope and chains.

"You need a bath, this won't take long." It is always best to work with a clean body, rather than one that is dirty.

I cut her pants and underwear away from her raking my eyes over her body she is nearly perfect.

“The more you struggle the harder this is going to be” I warn her letting the tip of the scissors dig into her skin slightly. Her movements stop slightly as I continue.

Start as I mean to go on, is my moto. I need to do this before she gets any of her strength back, she isn’t like the others, her legs are nearly all muscle, and the firmness of the skin makes me close my eyes slightly. The muscles on her stomach contract, not an ounce of fat on her. After removing her clothes I bring the collar and fasten it around her neck this is a special collar once fastened, I will be able to weld the lock shut and then it will not be able to be removed.

"This collar means you are mine, no one else's, but mine. I even had your name engraved on it. What do you say to me for this?" I ask

Emily looked at the metal collar she was unable to form words as he moved closer to her, she spat at him as she tried to move away.

"That wasn't nice" I bellow grabbing her hair and yanking it back so she is looking upwards. "Were you never taught manners? When someone gives you a gift you say thank you. I can see you're going to be a hard one to train"

Placing the collar around her neck locking the padlock in place I retrieve the lead which I attach to the collar before collecting the metal cuffs which I place on each ankle tying them together, before turning her on to her front.

I bring the other chain connecting it to the cuffs bringing it tightly along her back and attaching it to her new collar I place more cuffs on to each wrist again attaching it to the collar so she is able to crawl on her knees and elbows.

Emily closed her eyes as the pain emanated up her body but she refused to make a sound, a tear rolled down her cheek. He pulled her up placing her on the ground so she could crawl.

"Good girl now you have to come with me so I can give you a bath" Emily groaned she felt humiliated and scared for what was installed for her.

Emily had no choice but to obey but she will not give him the pleasure of hearing her thoughts. Her knees grazed on the concrete as she slowly crawled, to where he was taking her. He yanked cruelly on her collar as she struggled to keep up with him. She felt the skin on her elbows cut and bleed and her knees the same. Finally she made it to the other room it was darker than the room she had just come from, it was cold making her shiver with each movement.

"Try anything and chains will be the least of the things that you fear" He said as he slammed the door shut locking it before returning to her.

He removed one wrist and locked it on to one side of the bath he did the same with her ankle before he lifted her up. Emily took in a deep breath as her body came in touch with the cold water. He tied her other wrist and ankle to the other side of the bath so she was just lying there unable to move and at this point unable to catch her breath as the coldness attacked her body. Emily closed her eyes hoping for the best but fearing the worst as she heard something being wheeled over towards the bath.

"If you move this will hurt, if you stay still it won't hurt as much." Rob said as he started to weld the lock shut on her collar he did the same with the metal cuffs on her wrists and ankles each one welded into place. "See you belong to me now Emily, what do you say?"

Emily closed her eyes as she tried to see how much movement she had with her neck, she stuttered her response out as the cold took a hold of her body "Th…t…hank yoo…you."

This time Rob patted her on her head "Good girl"

Emily's eyes went wide as she felt a rough cloth being, rubbed against her body. Rob was washing her with what she could only think of was a scouring pad. It lasted for what felt like hours but truly was about five minutes before he stopped

"Your clean now" he undid one ankle and attached it to the other cuff and he did the same with her wrists aside from he tied them behind her back.

Rob helped Emily to stand as he attached the lead onto the collar in effect she was hobbled. He guided her back to her room and placed the chains back on that kept her on the bed.

"I will see you tomorrow rest well"


	3. Chapter 3

** Location: Rob's house: Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 17 December 2006: 18.00 **

The bile rose in her throat. The cuffs were welded shut, permanently attached to her body. She worked her way to her knees, the only upright position offered to her by the short chains, binding her wrists and ankles to the wall behind her.

With strong but trembling hands, she gripped the chains and yanked in a wild attempt to pull them from the wall. However, she was rewarded; only by sore arms and cut wrists.

Unwilling to give up, she redoubled her efforts, straining until the pain in her wrists made her head swim. She leaned back against the wall to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. Emily's head throbbed as sharp spikes of pain stabbed through her temple with each breath.

* * *

The banging of heavy footsteps on the stairs snapped her focus back to the present and she clenched her hands into fists. Feeble, cold light suddenly illuminated the room from a single bulb. Emily blinked at the abrupt change, squinting up at Rob.

"You could let me go and we can forget this." Emily pleaded slightly.

A sharp prick stabbed into the base of her neck and she rose up to fight against the chains and the. She was shoved back to her knees and a hand pinched her nose, squeezing it viciously. She gasped for breath, mouth wide open as the metal O shape gag was placed between her upper and lower lips tying it behind her neck.

Emily shivered as the fear and panic was building up in her chest. As she was dragged across the concrete, she wished that she could fight, anything, but lay limp in Rob's cruel grasp. However, as she was dumped onto her back, she reined in her panic, focusing on her struggle to breathe.

"I’ve already told you, you are mine" Rob sneered

Fingers caressed her in a mockery of tenderness, brushing across her nipples and down over her stomach. Emily shuddered internally as he ran his finger along her jaw where her skin met the iron edge.

Sickeningly, bright flashes appeared behind her eyelids as her pain and shame engulfed her consciousness. However, a sharp slap against her lolling cheek forced her back to reality.

* * *

She was slammed against the wall, her hip and shoulder connecting with the cement blocked wall with bruising force. Her weak legs tried to buckle, but she was hauled back to her feet.

Chains rattled against the wall and she felt a different pressure pulling at the back of her collar. Slowly, the pressure increased until her toes grazed the floor with just enough contact to keep her from being strangled.

She breathed frantically through her nose as she fought to stay conscious despite the iron pressing against her windpipe. The thought of hanging to death before throwing the bastard in prison incited her and she resolved to make it through this.

The chain binding her wrists were short, pulling her arms uncomfortably behind her back, forcing her elbows together made her teeth grit in pain. More chains bound them until they met and the bones ground together. Lips once again pressed to her ear and a hand balled into a fist with her breast pressed inside.

"See you tomorrow," Rob said sweetly "Then we'll see what I can do with you."

He released her flesh and she heard his footsteps recede. Once the door slammed and she heard the bolt slide home, she knew that she was alone.

However, all thoughts of escape were pushed from her mind as she teetered on her toes, balance hindered by the painfully short chain linking her ankles. She refused to die this way.

Emily's entire body ached. Her shoulders strained as she tried to move her arms to relieve the pain radiating from her crushed elbows and swollen hands. She was on the verge of collapsing, her toes and calves struggling to relieve the choking pressure on her throat. Her breath wheezed in her chest.

She did not know how long she had been chained in this position. She did not know how much longer she could stand this torture.

* * *

** Location: JJ's home **

** Date & Time: 17 December 2006 3pm **

"Damn it Emily will you answer your phone this is now the 18th time I have rung you please ring me" JJ threw her phone down onto the sofa, she had not seen Emily since Friday when they had gone to the movies, and Emily had declined the invitation.

The last case had taken a lot out of her so JJ put it down to her needing space. Standing in the kitchen, she heard the phone ring she picked it up without looking at the id "Emily?"

Garcia smirked into the phone "No my blonde bombshell, She still not rung you?" Garcia asked the concern showing in her voice

"No, nothing I have left messages, if I ring her anymore I think it may be classed as stalking, but she always rings me back even if she does need space" JJ responded the worry and fear in her voice.

"Go round to her place?" Garcia replied "Or would you like some company?"

"Company please" was all JJ managed as the tears took over, she sobbed into the phone slightly before cutting the call.

Garcia rushed out of her apartment and straight into her car, she arrived twenty minutes later, walking up to the front porch she tapped gently on the door before letting herself in, and closing the door softly behind her, she walked into the front room.

"JJ?" Garcia turns the lamp on to light the dark room seeing JJ curled up on the sofa sobbing.

Garcia gently sat next to her rubbing her back "She'll be okay JJ, she probably just needs to distress from the last case it took a lot out of everyone and we all know children effect Emily emotional"

JJ nodded as she moved to lean against her friend "She always answers me Garcia!"

Garcia nodded "Does she know JJ?" Garcia asked softly

"No well I don't know I haven't said anything to her, I started flirting back more though. God what have I done?" JJ sobbed, as she was now thinking this was the reason Emily was not returning her calls.

"JJ, you and I both know Emily wouldn't do that she will be in work tomorrow and this will all be over nothing" Garcia reassured her. "Come on you need to get some rest" Garcia said as she helped her up.

JJ nodded as she allowed Garcia help her upstairs and into bed "Thank you Garcia" JJ said as she settled into her bed.

"Sweet dreams JJ I'll see you in the morning" Garcia smiled as she watched JJ drift off before closing the door behind her, and heading back home.


	4. Chapter 4

** Location: Rob's house Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 18 December 2006: 09:00 **

Emily was brought out of her light painful sleep the moment she heard the scrape of a key in a lock, she tensed as the shudder of panic that grasped her chest.

Without a word, he gripped Emily's collar and heaved to her feet. He led her by her chain leash as quickly as her cuffed legs could hobble, chuckling at her ineffectual struggles.

With muscled ease, he shoved her through the doorway into a bleak room. A variety of vicious instruments and whips hung on hooks along one wall a round board with straps situated in five positions fastened to one wall.

Rob calmly shut the door firmly behind him before turning to face her. He lifted Emily on to the board strapping her arms and legs the fifth strap was fastened across her forehead.

"Prefect" he sneered as his eyes raked over her naked form "This Emily is for your pleasure"

Emily closed her eyes as she tried to control the panic that was coursing through her body. She flinched as she felt the whip slice her body. The less she moved the less she responded. Rob inflicted more pain on her.

"I am your owner you belong to me. Have you any questions?"

Emily stayed silent she wanted to scream to cry to shout, all she could do was look at him as words failed her.

"Good now let me teach you" Rob sneered

More metal slipped over the backs of her knees and they were yanked further and further apart as the strain on her hips grew. He bolted them in place, leaving her painfully stretched and with her genitals humiliatingly exposed.

She heard, rather than saw him walk unhurriedly about the room, she heard his steps stop before the rack of instruments.

An enormous gag placed against her tightly closed lips.

When she refused to yield, he pinched her nose closed until she was forced to take a breath. With one swift motion, he shoved the long gag between her lips. It pressed disgustingly against the back of her throat and she fought against her gag reflex.

The phallus stretched her jaw wide, causing the iron collar to cut into her skin. Straps wound around to the back of her head and she felt a lock click, fastening it too tightly into her mouth. She groaned, shame and desperation colouring her.

Emily tried to follow his movements but could only catch partial glimpses of him. Her ears, however, were unobstructed and an involuntary shudder ran through her body at the sharp crack that split the air.

A second later, a cool breath of air tickled her skin just before she heard a second crack of the whip. And the pain followed, cutting through the delicate and sensitive flesh between her legs. She dug her teeth into the gag, struggling to reign in her scream of sudden pain.

A second stroke landed just to the side of the first Emily ground her teeth against the phallus, growling in pain. She tugged uselessly at the metal binding her, as a rain of lashes welted her fragile flesh. Soon, the metallic tang of warm blood filled the air and, with each whip stoke, red flecks spattered her legs and the floor.

Screams formed high in her throat gradually grew to wails of agony ripped from deep in her chest. However, Rob ignored her as he whipped her again. He watched as her head began to flop against her collar. Her vision began to blacken as the pain between her legs began, not to fade, but to seem as if it was someone else's pain and she was only a silent observer.

Only as the door slammed shut once again did Emily's bruised mind realize that the whipping had stopped. Fingers tenderly caressed her shredded flesh, pinching and exploring her ruined folds. Emily could do little more than shudder in protest and disgust.

His hands left her body unable to turn away; she stared blurry at his smirking face through fluttering eyelids. He grinned widely as he saw that, even after her first lesson, she still had fire in her eyes. Slowly, he showed her the item he had concealed, dangling the roll of wide silvery tape from his finger.

With exaggerated gestures, he peeled the edge of the tape up and drew out a length. Almost lovingly, he pressed the extended tape over her eyes. He removed the gag once her eyes were covered. The blood dripped from her mouth.

"I will let you rest for a while I will be back after" with that Rob turned and walked out of the room locking the door behind him as he left Emily hung to the wall the pain emanating through her body.

 **"Save me JJ"** Emily whispered as the sobs ripped from her lungs.

* * *

 

** Location: BAU **

** Date and time: Unknown **

As the darkness engulfed Emily she started to think of the past, the first time she had meet JJ, unlike Hotch, JJ had welcomed her, gone through the policy and procedures and the way the BAU functioned as a team, there she sat in JJ office listening and taking notes on everything JJ was saying, she smiled shyly at her

"So that's everything regarding the team and how we work have you any questions Emily?" JJ asked softly

"Only one question" Emily smiled softly "Is there any coffee in this building?"

With this JJ laughed "Yes I am so sorry I got carried away" JJ replied as a small blush rose across her cheeks. "Let's take a break" JJ smiled as she rose from the chair walking around to where Emily was.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts as a woman entered the room "I want details JJ who is she?" Garcia fired out before registering the other person in the room. JJ blushed deeply as she cleared her throat looking at Emily "Oh! I didn't know you had someone here" Garcia backtracked.

Emily looked at her in strange way, the woman was smaller than Emily the pink and blonde hair made her double take. Surely she was not an agent? JJ saw the look on Emily's face as she chuckled slightly as the two women eyed each other up

"Garcia I would like you to meet Emily, Emily this is Garcia or as we call her the tech goddess and one of my best friends" JJ glared slightly at Garcia.

Emily rose and offered her hand to shake "Nice to meet you" Emily smiled softly; Garcia took the offered hand and shook it, still eyeing the woman up.

She looked to JJ and mouthed "Sorry"

JJ rolled her eyes slightly which did not go unnoticed by Emily "We were just going to grab some coffee," JJ said to try and distract the two women.

Emily smiled at the memory she remembered, being so enthralled by JJ.

* * *

 

** Location: Rob's house Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 18 December 2006: 02.06am **

Emily hung there her arms and legs still tied on the wood, the gag had been placed back in her mouth, and she could taste the blood that had formed with each blow. The iron taste ripped through her like glass, as she prayed for release, she prayed, to be found but more than that, she prayed not to be another body upon a slab. He left the room again, the bolts slammed shut on the door.

* * *

 

** 07.15 **

The air was thick with the smell of blood and not just her own, she shivered unable to stop herself. Emily thought to herself ' **why do all killers have mommy or daddy issues?'** It was a silent question one that she knew it could not be answered, not yet anyway. The only thing she heard was the turn of the key in the lock.

Emily shivered internally as he entered the room again, the only thought going through her mind ' **what was next!'**

He turn his face fully looking straight at her, his eyes peering through her worse than glass more like a knife that has stopped half way to be turned to give that little more pain.

"I trust you slept well," Rob slurred out; he had been up most of the night finishing the bottle of whiskey he had brought.

He stalked rather than walked towards her the evil glinting in his eye. She tried to swallow but the gag made it impossible, the blows came hard and fast without a second thought she knew it was not his fists, he was using.

Her body shuddered with the blows the blood oozing out of her like waves, Just as she was about to pass out from the pain and the blood forming in her mouth he ripped the gag out of her mouth.

Emily spluttered the blood spraying like a fountain across the room, coughing hard as her lungs burned through the lack or air that was now there, the only words she was able to mutter.

"I'm sorry."

He replaced the gag, her wounds still bleeding but not as much as before. Emily was no longer sure how long she had been there but it felt like days her body beaten beyond recognition her heart pounding, as the blows came more often but after the second attack, he would remove the gag so she could cough the blood out.

He never spoke this time, not a word not a glimmer of resentment or apology from him, no names, just the blows they came hard and fast harder than before, she thought to herself, either that or her body was betraying her and giving up, as she blacked out from the pain

The blackness lifted she struggled to focus on anything other than her body pounding in pain. The blood had now dried leaving a sticky texture on her skin but through the pain and throbbing, she could no longer feel. The word coursed through her veins.

"You have made such a mess!" He spat out at her

She next heard a sharp crack split the icy air. She gulped for air, as a shiver of fear made her body freeze up. She felt the pain before she heard the second crack. The whip slashed across her right breast as she bit her tongue, trying to hold in the scream beginning to build in her chest.

The whip fell again, cracking against her broken cheekbone and she whimpered in pain, gasping for breath through the gag.

Emily groaned into the gag as she felt something cold press against her anus and then her vaginal opening. The plugs were shoved into her body so quickly that she registered the pain only after the chastity belt had been buckled and locked around her body.

The straps bit into her skin, digging deeply into her soft, slim waist. She could not control her shivering as she hung helpless, bound, gagged, and raped.

She prayed for death, for anything really, she was dirty and horrible damaged goods in her mind, the silence fell upon her like a knife. She prayed to a God she had longed forgotten that she would be found in time.

Rob turned and looked at her "I thought you would last longer than the others" he sneered.

Emily's mind froze as she fully registered what he had said. He smiled sweetly at Emily even though she could not see him.

"Time for your bath my love" his attitude changed so fast it had Emily's mind spinning one second he was nasty the next he sounded almost lovingly towards her.

Rob removed her binding and let her fall onto the hard cold solid floor. Emily shuddered as she hit the floor hard, she wanted to run scream anything to get away from this crazed man. Her mind slowly began to fail her, the pain overwhelming her senses and the lack of food and water did not help.

Rob attached the lead to her collar and before Emily had even registered the lead he yanked hard against her raw neck.

"Come on you need to be cleaned" Rob sneered as he half dragged her body.

Emily tried to crawl the pain was becoming a dull ache the belt rubbed against her skin as the metal clunked on the floor. Maybe it was a blessing she could not see anything!

Rob slammed the door behind them causing Emily to jump slightly he half dragged her into the other room before lifting her into the ice cold bath, only this time he never tied her to the bath a soft cushion laid beneath her head.

"I will warn you now" Rob said sweetly and calmly.

"You move or try and touch the sides you will get a lovely shock" confusion took over, the cushion, the threat, and his somewhat kind voice.

Her body finally registered the pain the coldness as a violent shiver coursed through her body, causing her to touch the side of the bath, the electric ran through her body causing her to pass out with the pain.

Rob shook his head as he spoke "I warned you, maybe you will listen next time" with that, he began to scrub at her body until it was red raw. The pain made Emily come too slightly even though she wished she had not as she felt him scrubbing her bruised and battered body.

"I will let you rest in here for a while," Rob said as he chuckled aloud before leaving her alone in the ice bath.

A sobbed ripped through her chest her only hope was that her team would find her.

* * *

 

** Location: BAU **

** Date & Time: 18 December 2006: 09:00 am **

JJ watched the clock ticking away, "She will be here soon then I can find out what the hell has happened this weekend" JJ muttered under her breath.

Reid looked towards JJ's office as he spoke "I have never seen her mad with anyone let alone Emily"

Morgan shook his head "I don't think she is just mad, did you see the glare she gave us" Morgan replied as he turned back around in the small kitchen area finishing making there drinks.

"I feel sorry for Emily when she gets here" Morgan handed Garcia her coffee "Do you know what's going on between them baby girl?" Morgan enquired.

Hotch walked out his office in a slight rush Rossi slightly behind him spotting everyone is there his voice boomed through the bullpen, causing everyone in the bullpen to jump.

"CONFERENCE ROOM NOW!"

The noise made JJ bolt upright in her chair as she walked out her office. "Someone pissed Hotch off as well?" Reid piped up, as they all followed him into the conference room.

Sitting at their normal places, "Shall we wait for Emily?" Reid asked as Hotch cut in.

"Have any of you heard or spoken to Emily since she left here Friday?" JJ sunk in to the chair shaking her head as everyone answered at the same time.

"No?"

Rossi looked at Hotch as his spoke "Her car has been found near the Roman's Pub were any of you with her Friday night?"

Shaking his head Morgan spoke up. "We all went to the movies, Emily wanted to be alone."

JJ cut in "I've been trying to reach her all weekend but she hasn't picked up or returned my calls"

Hotch and Rossi sighed, "We know JJ, 42 missed calls.” He paused slightly, “Her phone, ID and gun have been found in her car"

JJ stood on shaky legs just making it to the bin as she heaved the bile burning her throat. Garcia walked over and rubbed her back as JJ brushed her away. "How?" JJ asked

"We have spoken to the bar manager who reported her car after he spotted it the last two nights, he said she left with a gentlemen and looking slightly worse for wear" Hotch answered honestly.

Garcia frowned as she spoke "Emily with a man? He is sure it was Emily?"

"What is that supposed to mean," Rossi asked the second time.

Garcia had heard the anger in his voice "You’re profilers and you haven't worked out she is a lesbian?" Garcia said causing both Morgan and Reid chocked on their coffee.

"Pardon?" Morgan sputtered out as he wiped his mouth. Garcia rolled her eyes

"Hotch she would never leave with a man ever" JJ said bluntly.

"The bar manager said he has seen you all with him over the past 12 months" Rossi said as he looked at the younger members of the team. Hotch and Rossi; knew they were all close, and that they socialised outside of work. However, neither of them minded.

"Rob." They all responded at once.

* * *

 

** Location: BAU Garcia's office **

** Date and time: Unknown **

Emily slumps her body into the chair as she groaned inwardly "Garcia I cannot tell her last thing I want is to lose her as a friend," Emily argued,

"What is it with you profilers? Can you not see the way she is with you, the looks you each give each other, and god help anyone who upsets either of you" Garcia argued her point. "God Emily you're so stubborn you like her, what's the problem?"

Emily's mouth opened to dispute what Garcia was saying. However, for the first time in her life, she is, failed for words.

"She's my friend Garcia" Emily sighed as she rested her head in her hands.

"So tell her, or drive yourself insane questioning if she feels the same" Garcia would never break their confidences they had in her but Garcia was close to banging both their heads together.

"You all over think things, just ask her or I will"

Emily looked at her dumbfounded for a moment before finding her voice "I will if I could get her alone and the time was right, but I am so worried that things could turn south and she'd hate me."

Garcia smiled softly and shook her head "I have known JJ a long time Emily and I have never heard her hate anyone, well aside from Strauss, have you?"

"No but Strauss doesn't have sexual feelings for her!" Emily pointed out.

Garcia slapped Emily at the back of the head just as JJ walked in.

"Garcia? What did Emily do to you?" JJ asked in the tone that more a less said do not lie and do not fob me off.

Emily half smiled at the memory of her friends of Garcia trying to make her open up to JJ and confess her feelings. Emily sighed as she thought of never seeing JJ or her friends again a tear escaped the tape and rolled down her cheek.

* * *

 

** Location: BAU Garcia's office **

** Date and time: 18 December 2006 10am **

Garcia rushed in half slamming the door behind her, though it didn't fully close as she started routing through her drawers.

"I know it's here somewhere, damn it." Garcia cursed herself as she finally found the camera she was looking for.

She had a habit of taking pictures whenever they went out together and she was sure she had taken a picture of Rob with them the last time they were all in the bar. Hooking it up to her computer, she flicked through the pixels before finding what she was looking for.

There he was and for the first time she noticed how he was looking at Emily. "That bastard"

Garcia muttered as she hit print, grabbing the print out she turned slamming the door behind her yet again as she rushed back into the conference room "That's Rob" throwing the print out at Hotch.

Grabbing the laptop that was on the desk at the front Garcia set to work on the recognition software.

“Morgan, get this printed out and handed out to every law enforcement office in Virginia," Hotch said as he handed Morgan the print out.

JJ sunk further into the chair her eyes red with unshed tears "Hotch we have to"

Hotch nodded not letting her finish "I know and we will, Garcia anything? Do any of you know his last name?"

Rossi looked around the team, his family, they were like his children, he had the upmost respect for Emily and knew if anything happened to her; they would all feel it more than anything.

"JJ?" Rossi spoke softly; as he came towards the young press liaison "We will find her" resting his hand on her shoulder squeezing it slightly "Is there anything you can tell us about him?" Rossi asked.

"No, we never really spoke to him much, he always tried to get Emily's attention, but she just never took him on, he’d play pool with Morgan" JJ replied her voice cracking slightly

"JJ, this is important does he know she is FBI?"

JJ looked at him widened eyed she had never thought of that this whole time they had been sitting here, Reid thought back through all their conversations with him.

"He has never asked what we did for a living" Reid responded

"Then she has a chance" Hotch said as he looked at his team.

Garcia had matched his photo with the DMV as the rest were talking "I have an address" Garcia shouted which even made Hotch jump "It's on your PDA's, bring her home safe!" Garcia pleaded.

Hotch nodded as the team geared up and rushing towards their cars "Morgan you go with JJ and Reid" Hotch said as they split into two cars, Morgan nodded as he got into the driver's seat.

They drove silently towards the address turning there sirens off so he would not hear them as they pulled into the street stopping a few houses down the street.

* * *

 

** Location: Rob's house Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 18 December 2006 1.03pm **

Emily was pulled from her thoughts as she heard the lock turn and the door open she tried to brace herself for what he would inflict upon her body.

"There all nice and clean" Rob said softly "Now time for your reward" He switched off the electric current that was attached to the bath.

As he leaned his body over and picked Emily up carrying her back into the cell which she had slept in, slowly her remove the gag letting her cough the blood up that had settled in the back of her throat, her lungs burned again as the stale air entered her deprived body.

"I have a lovely treat for you" Rob said the malice portraying in his voice as he retrieved the O shaped gag. Banging it against her teeth; as he locked it in place, more tightly than before.

Emily was glad she could not see but she heard everything, its true what they say take one sense away and the rest take over more.

She heard his fly unzip, she braced her body, as she knew what he was going to do again, as he thrust himself inside her mouth, hard and fast until she tasted the salty substance, she gaged as it ran down her throat, her body falling limply against the mattress of the cot.

As he removed the gag, he asked a question that made Emily freeze up completely "Who is JJ? And what is he to you!" Rob demanded.

Emily's body relaxed slightly as she did not respond to his question Emily heard and felt the whip slice her body again and still she refused to speak.

Rob started to ramble as he whipped Emily's bruised body the blood running down her skin.

"I have practiced on 25 people and yet you refuse to answer me," He hissed in an angry voice.

Emily flinched as her mind registered the number he had said the case they were meant to look at after their weekend off. Another tear seeped through the tape as he thrashed her body harder.


	5. Chapter 5

** Location: Rob's house (basement) Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 19 December 2006 1.40pm **

"I asked" crack "you, a question" crack "who is JJ" crack "answer me" crack "or I will find him myself" crack. Rob shouted between each whip, he brought down on her body.

* * *

 

** Location: Outside Rob's house Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 19 December 2006 1.24pm **

Morgan and Reid's jaws dropped as they heard the man shout from what seemed to be coming from underneath them. JJ gripped Morgan's arm as he shouted her name before she heard the loud crack.

Hotch listen for a moment he eyes saddened as he could only picture what was happening below where they stood.

"We go in slow and steady and quietly we don't want him spooked," Hotch whispered to them "Morgan Reid go in through the back Rossi JJ you're both with me"

* * *

 

** Location: BAU Conference room **

** Date and time: 19 December 2006 1.34pm **

Garcia had managed to hack into Rob's computer viva an unsecure port which he was using to record the movements in the basement.

Garcia froze as she saw Emily sprawled across what looked like a bed she watched as the whip came down.

"Oh my god" Garcia sobbed as she watched in shock closing the page down she sent a message to Morgan "he's recording it"

* * *

 

** Location: Rob's house Minnie-Ville Road **

** Date & Time: 19 December 2006 1.35pm **

Morgan and Reid walked to the back of the house as he felt his phone vibrate quickly he looked at the message which made him stop in his tracks.

Reid walked into the back of him, Morgan snarled at Reid "Remind me to put a bullet between his eyes" the anger in Morgan's voice made Reid flinch slightly, as the slowly reached the back door.

Reid picked the lock and slowly opened the door as they crept into the kitchen area guns drawn, they cleared each room before meeting Hotch, Rossi and JJ in the hallway they looked at the door at led down into the basement.

Slowly Morgan opened the door before they started quietly down the stairs Hotch signalled for Rossi and JJ to stay upstairs. JJ glared at Hotch for a moment before she half nodded his request.

* * *

 

** Basement **

Her eyes started to roll to the back of her head as the vomit seeped its way up into her throat, the O shape gag making it impossible for her to breathe properly, or to heave it simply trickled out of her body.

Her mind registered a slight sound from outside and she flinched in fear ' **did he have friends?'** Emily thought to herself her body was to limp and too weak even to register full the amount of times he had hit her body.

The days began to mix in her mind just how long had she been here, her mind said Monday her body felt like it had been; beaten for weeks. Morgan Hotch and Reid stood at either side of the door as they heard him shout JJ's name. They feared the worse when they did not hear Emily respond

JJ gripped hold of Rossi to steady herself upon hearing him shout her name, she slowly regain her balance as she looked at Rossi as she started to edge towards the stairs wanting so much to blow his brains out.

"I won't ask you again" Rob bellowed as he reached for the chain wrapping it around his fist, as he stalked towards Emily ready to hit her with the chain his head snapped around as he heard a voice he knew shout.

"FBI step away from her" Morgan yelled the barrel of his gun aimed right at his head. Rob stumbled slightly as he looked at Derek.

"You….your…she's?" Slowly as the pieces came together, he found his footing turning towards Morgan.

His gun still aimed at his head Morgan almost begged him to try something so he could shoot him. Rob turned back and looked at Emily's lifeless form before turning to charge at Morgan BANG the sound rung around the room as Rob's lifeless body fell to the floor.

JJ appeared behind Hotch leaning against the doorframe "Oh my god" the words fell so softly from her lips as she looked upon her friend's naked bloody body.

"Blanket I need a blanket" JJ stuttered as she moved slowly over to Emily

"Em can you hear me" JJ spoke softly, Emily's body flinched weakly at the sound of different voices, her mind could not recognise them.

JJ ran her fingers gently through Emily's hair speaking softly "Em your safe." She carefully unclipped the gag that was, tied cruelly in her friend's mouth.

Emily sputtered as soon as she was free of the metal inside her mouth, still not fully hearing what was, being said, the words fell from Emily's lips so softly, so quite that the team only just heard her.

"Forgive me Jennifer"

Morgan called for the medics, which were waiting with Rossi upstairs, before coming down into the basement, as they entered you could hear them gasp in shock at what laid before them.

"Ma'am can we have some room please" He said softly to the small blonde at the side of their patience.

JJ nodded numbly as she watched her friend flinch from the unwanted touches upon her skin. JJ spoke in such an angry voice even Hotch had to look twice.

"Get off her, can you not see she is terrified!" The medics looked at her as to dismiss her completely.

"With all due respect Ma'am"

Hotch quickly stepped in before his highly emotional agent did something she would regret "Let JJ do this, she has been through enough I am sure you can talk her through it or at least allow her near my agent" Hotch's voice was dangerous and bore no room for disagreement

"Very well, just try and keep her calm please."

Emily never made a sound as her body flinched and shivered as the medics touched her body, she couldn't tell if they were kind or nasty, each touch was like a knife against her body. As the voices became clearer she heard one she knew, which sent a wave of panic through her body.

"JJ, No Run" Emily's voice horse and clear as she fumbled the words off her lips.

"Shh you're safe Em," JJ said softly as she gently ran her hands through her hair.

As the medics removed, the blanket JJ had place over her body, JJ finally registered what was around her waist as the bile rose in her throat, as the words stumbled out of her mouth.

"Take…that. Off…her" Morgan, Hotch and Rossi all caught sight of what JJ was referring to.

Reid walked out the room as he vomited in the other room as he looked around the team heard as Reid's words fell from his mouth "Holy mother of god!"

"Ma'am" The medic looked at her sadly "We can't just in case there is damage we can't see" JJ closed her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Ma'am"

JJ interrupted him "Call me JJ please"

The medic smiled sadly at the agent "We need to get this lady to the hospital" JJ looked at Hotch.

"I am going with her" With that the medics and JJ left.

Morgan turned to Hotch "The sick son of a bitch recorded it Hotch"

Hotch closed his eyes as Morgan spoke "I need to see it" the sadness laden in his voice.

Rossi growled slightly "I think I need away from this basement" as he turned to leave and the rest of the team followed.

Morgan reached for his phone hitting speed dial "We got her baby girl" Morgan said not even giving her chance to speak.

"I saw" Garcia sobbed into the phone "Is she alive?" the worry evident in her voice

"Yes there are on the way to the hospital. Hotch said you can leave, I think JJ could use a friend with her right now" Morgan hung up the phone as Garcia sobbed her reply into the phone.

* * *

 

** Location: BAU **

** Date & Time: 19 December 2006 3pm **

Hotch, Rossi, Reid and Morgan all sat around the table as Hotch warned them all to brace themselves as what they were going to see wasn't going to be pleasant viewing. After three hours of viewing the tape they all sat there in shock Reid was the first to stand rushing towards the bin as he vomited violently.

"That bastard" Rossi growled.

Morgan had tears rolling down his cheeks as he shook his head "I need to get out of here" Morgan said sadly as he rose to leave.

"Morgan where are you going?" Hotch asked calmly.

"The hospital" Was all Morgan said as the rest of the team followed him out of the room the blank sad expressions on their faces.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the medical side may not be fully correct but hopefully Google was correct. So if there are errors forgive me.

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 19 December 2006 2.05pm **

Garcia burst through the doors in the waiting room "Any news?" Garcia asked, JJ as she rushed to her sitting down beside her, as JJ shook her head in response.

"JJ she's made it this far after everything he put her through" She blurted out as JJ stared blankly at her.

JJ shook her head slightly "I doubt we will know everything he did to her," JJ said sadly fighting back the tears.

Garcia rubbed JJ's back as she spoke softly and slowly "JJ he recorded it all"

"He did what." JJ half yelled at Garcia.

"I'm sorry, I saw it didn't watch it though" Garcia stopped mid-sentence not wanting to carry on.

"You have your laptop with you Pen and don't lie to me" JJ voice was low and calm but dangerous as she asked.

"Yes"

"I need to see it" JJ said sadly "I have to see it" JJ said as the tears filled her eyes.

Garcia shook her head slightly "You might, but I can't sit here when you watch it JJ, what I saw was enough" Garcia replied honestly as she handed over the laptop.

"I know Pen" JJ looked sadly at her as she turned the laptop on and Garcia showed her the link to it.

"I'll go get us some coffee's Jayj" Garcia ran her hand down JJ's arm before leaving the waiting room.

JJ sat there in shock as she watched it, the words haunting her as she heard them play over in her mind she fast-forwarded much of what happened, as she could not watch Emily suffer like that.

However, hearing ' **sorry JJ'** played repeatedly in her mind. She sat for a long time staring at the screen, which thankfully was now blank as the tears rolled down her face. The movement made JJ jump and reach for her gun.

"JJ it's me" Morgan said softly "It's just me" as he removed the laptop off her lap.

"Sorry I" Morgan half smiled as Hotch spoke.

"We know JJ we have all seen it" The team’s faces all had the same sickening look as she felt.

"Is there any news?" Rossi asked in an attempt to break the silence that had surrounded them.

"She's still in surgery" a warm arm wrapped around her, which she gladly leaned into as the tears overwhelmed her again.

"I've got you JJ," Garcia said softly as she repeated the same motion she had just the other night

A man appeared in the doorway for the waiting area clearing his throat to get someone attention even he could tell these people were upset by the state the young woman was in.

"Is there a family member I could speak to please?" the surgeon asked the group of people in front of him.

Rossi smiled as he looked at JJ "Jennifer is her next of kin" this in turn caused everyone in the room to look at him as though he was insane.

"Rossi" Hotch warned.

"Here is the paperwork to prove it" Rossi smirked as he handed the surgeon the papers before letting Hotch see them.

JJ froze up slightly before speaking "You can say it in front of us all, we are family" She looked sadly at him.

"Right well I would like to start with the good news" He smiled softly at the people in front of him.

"Emily has made it out of surgery it was touch and go for a while and her body is very weak, we have had to pin her jaw as it has been broken. She has seven broken ribs, which will take some time to heal. The bruising is serve, we managed to remove the metal that covered her neck wrists and ankles" he fell slightly over his words as he spoke.

"Ma'am, can I speak to you, in private please?" JJ looked at him for a moment before she nodded, she stood on shaky legs as she followed him into the hallway.

"What aren't you telling us?" JJ asked.

"When we removed the belt there were substantial injuries to her lower extremities, she will need to have reconstructive surgery at a later date. There has been serve damage to both breasts which I have managed to stitch but she may also benefit from plastic surgery at a later date when her body is well enough to undergo treatment, but for now the best we can do is make her comfortable."

JJ nodded as she took the information in "May I see her?" JJ asked softly. He smiled softly at her.

"Yes if you'd like to follow me. There are a lot of wires and machines helping her right now, but she should be able to hear you. Your friends are welcome to visit her as well, she is in a private room"

JJ smiled sadly as she opened the door to the waiting room "We can go and see her" JJ said softly.

The team followed the man down the long corridor before stopping outside the room "Two at a time only please, and my name is Doctor Grant"

JJ rested her hand on the door as she slowly pushed it open, the machines beeped steady in the white sterile room making her way towards the bed. JJ stumbled slightly Hotch gently steadied her as he followed behind her.

"Emily" were the only words that JJ could form, as she sat in the chair next to her bed her hand reaching softly towards her fingers "You’re safe now Em."

Hotch stood at the foot of the bed looking sadly "JJ I will see if you can stay here with her, She shouldn't be alone" Was all Hotch said before he left the room sending the rest in one at a time.

As Hotch watched for a few moments before finding Doctor Grant, after explaining everything and even using Emily's mother's status to the best of his advantage. He had agreed and arranged for a second bed to be brought into the room.

JJ lifted her head slightly hearing the doors open again seeing two porters bringing in another bed and more blankets. "Thank you" JJ said softly as they were leaving.

"JJ get some rest we will just be outside if you need anything" Hotch looked at her and smiled. JJ nodded her eyes not fully leaving Emily.

"I will Hotch" JJ replied sadly as she kept watched over her fallen friend.

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 20 December 2006: 16.15pm **

Hotch stood in the corridor nodding Rossi over." Is everything alright?" He asked

"She is coping, she won't say why they need to operate again though" Hotch replied

"She'll be fine she's strong and JJ, well we both know she won't let anything happen to her that doesn't need to happen" Rossi assured Hotch

JJ sat there in silence running her fingers gently through Emily's hair as she spoke softly to her "I remember the first day I met you Em, Your smile lit up the dank work we do" JJ sighed softly as a voice broke her thoughts.

"She likes you JJ" Garcia said as she closed the door softly behind her.

JJ looked at her friend slightly and frown "I wish that was true Pen but she has no idea I feel the same" JJ's eyes drifted sadly back to watch Emily's chest rise and fall.

"She told me" Garcia said softly as she walked slowly over towards the bed "You’re both just too damn stubborn to tell each other" She smiled softly at them both "She will wake up Jayj just give her time" JJ nodded as the tears started to roll down her cheek.

"Thank you" Was all she managed to say.

"If you need anything I will just be outside," Garcia said as she started towards the doors, JJ smiled at her friend before looking up and watching Garcia leave.

"A bowl of water and a sponge?" JJ asked softly, Garcia turned and nodded softly

"I'll go and get you something."

With that JJ was again left alone with her thoughts she smiled as she thought about what she had just been told "Is that true Emily?" She asked knowing she would get no reply not yet anyway.

Garcia returned ten minutes later wheeling a small metal trolley in "I have basin with warm water sponge and a soft towel" Garcia smiled softly as she wheeled it towards the bed.

"The nurse says to be careful around the wires and her jaw" Garcia paused.

"What else?" JJ enquired noticing the worried look on her friends face.

"They said not to lift her gown" She frowned slightly as she spoke.

JJ just nodded "I know" JJ shook her head slightly the one sign that she wanted to be alone.

"Morgan has gone to get your go bag from your house, I gave him your key" Garcia said softly before leaving the room.

"Thank you" She said softly as she watched her leave, leaving her alone with Emily.

Pulling the trolley closer towards the bed "You'll feel better without all this blood and dirt on you"

JJ said softly as she started to gently dab her skin, the surgeons had done a marvellous job, but one thing they never seemed to do was clean all the blood away.

That bastard had used so many different methods that she doubted Emily's mind would be able to tell the difference between a friendly touch and the beginnings of an attack.

"Emily, you have to hold on for me," she whispered.

Slowly moving down Emily's body, unable to keep the tears back as she saw more of the brutal injuries marring her friend's arms and hands. She didn't dare move the cover that was over Emily, She knew what injuries laid beneath.

"You hang in there Emily" JJ said as she half sobbed the words out "I love you" for the first time in 3 years JJ had finally admitted that she was in love with this woman.

A low chuckle pulled her from her task and thoughts as her face snapped up glaring at the man in the doorway.

"It takes her being fully unconscious for you to finally tell her JJ" Morgan smiled softly as he walked in with her go-bag.

"That's just wrong" His smile was kind and warm, and she knew deep down that he was sincere.

"Never had the nerve before" JJ half-chuckled as she spoke he was right in what he was saying.

JJ sat down in the chair next to Emily her finger automatically playing with her hair  
"We are going to grab something to eat, and I think you should go too, I'll stay here with her" he smiled softly praying that JJ would for once allow someone close enough to help.

"I can't what if she wakes up?" she argued, shaking his head slightly

"JJ she is unconscious and recovering for surgery. I doubt she is going to wake up in the next hour, please before Garcia takes her worry and anger out on me"

JJ could just imagine Garcia shouting at Morgan for no reason. And after watching that video she couldn't blame her.

"Can you just bring me a sandwich please?" Morgan nodded knowing that once she had made her mind there was no way in hell anyone was going to change it.

"I'll grab you some coffee as well" Morgan smiled as he left the room.

* * *

 

"I doubt she is going to leave her side anytime soon" He said softly to the team

"Would you?" Rossi asked with a bemused look on his face.

"I guess not".

Rossi, Morgan and Reid walked down the long corridor as they had all thought it would be better to get the food and drink for the coffee shop across the road.

"How long do you think until she is awake?" Reid asked quietly which Morgan and Rossi only just heard.

"Right now the best thing is for her to sleep and rest" Rossi replied sadly.

"We will all need to show her support and understanding" they all knew they were in for a long road ahead and they all knew JJ was not going to leave her side.

"Hotch has managed to get us all sometime off, the other team will cover all Christmas and New Year for now that's the best he can do"

* * *

 

Her mind was blank she could not feel, she was confused. She wanted to open her eyes but her body failed her again. She had succumbed to the darkness,, she wanted to scream, cry for help but still nothing she could feel the soft touch on her head, hear the soft voice, was she dreaming was it real or was she dead.

The thoughts ran through her mind the fear the pain she remembered but now she was numb blank. She felt movement and a voice she did not recognise, she wanted to tense to run but all she could do was lay there in silence. The nurse came in and spoke with JJ before the porter came to wheel Emily down to surgery.

"She will be back in a few hours why don't you go and freshen up, she is in the best possible hands" The nurse said softly to JJ.

"I'll be fine thank you" JJ really did not want to leave the room let alone the hospital.

JJ sat back in the chair near to where Emily had been closing her eyes she let the sleep over takes her. She felt the presents of something as her eyes snapped open to fall upon her best friend.

"Hey Garcia" JJ said with her sleepy voice.

Garcia panicked slightly just seeing JJ sat in the chair; they had all gone for a walk while they waited for the other three to return, "Where is she?" She asked in a slightly high-pitched voice.

JJ sighed as the tears yet again rolled down her cheek "They had to rush her back in something showed up on her scan" she said half-heartedly not wanting to tell her the full extent.

 


	7. Chapter 7

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 22 December 2006: 12.15am **

Waiting can seem like weeks but normally you aren't waiting very long but it drags it feels as though that you are waiting for everything and yet nothing comes, You feel it should have already finished and you can begin to get back to normal or heal.

However, who knows it is a waiting game and everyone hates a waiting game. JJ had finally drifted off while she waited for Emily to return.

They wheeled her slowly in to the recovery room. What should have only took a few hours turned into 5 hours. They had managed to drain the build-up of blood clot that had developed at the back of her head and inserted a drain.

It had been touch and go for a while as they discovered her collar bone was protruding through her skin and had to be fixed with a plate and screws.

They brought Emily back to her room an hour later making her comfortable, the nurse looked over at JJ who was fast asleep on the bed

"Don't wake her" Came a voice from behind "I'll wake her in a while, the poor girl hasn't slept much" Garcia said softly "Is Emily okay?"

"Yes she is" replied the nurse "She should also wake on her own now as they have not given her anymore sedatives" The nurse said before heading out of the room

Garcia walked over to a sleeping JJ and very gently rocked her "Sweetie Emily is back" She spoke softly.

JJ snapped out of her dream "What?" She asked still not fully awake.

"Emily is back and she should wake up on her own I thought you would like to be awake just in case"

"Thanks Pen" JJ smiled softly at Garcia. JJ started to run her fingers through her hair it had become natural since, she had been found. Garcia smiled softly.

* * *

 

The eternal dream, the nightmare that never seems to end, she was trapped. No one was coming. No one knew where she was. She was going to die here in this hell hole, alone, away for her friends, her family, she knew somewhere deep down this was it, this was the end, it was what her life had become, alone in the darkness.

Her eyes twitched as she continued to sleep, was she asleep? Was this all just one big nightmare? She felt something playing with her hair.

She was not safe, she was going to get beaten and hurt again! Her mind played tricks on her, she waited for the blows waited for death to take her, yet nothing came, she felt numb, her body sore yet not defining the pain. Was this hell?

The smell and taste of blood had worn off from her senses, instead she could smell a light scent that even through everything she knew that smell, was she really here was her mind playing tricks. Or had she been taken as well.

 **"Run! Please! Get out of here"** She tried to call out.

She felt her voice fail her the words never leaving her lips, she felt a grip on her hand tighten. However, not too tight as though it was reassuring her she started to hear the voice.

A voice she never thought she would hear again "you’re safe Em, come back to me" JJ spoke softly unsure if Emily could hear her "I need you"

She tried to open her eyes she tried to speak, not sure if she could be heard her voice sore and raspy.

"I'm sorry" She muttered hoping to be heard not sure if her mind was playing more tricks on her.

Emily's mind played tricks as the darkness took over, taking her back into the hell-hole that she had somehow become use to. She waited for the blows for the pain but still nothing came, she felt something on her hand it was soft and warm. She knew the scent, that touch that feeling but could she trust her mind, her feelings?

The darkness began to subside as she began to wake. Her eyes fluttered her muscles twitched her hand flinched away from the hold as she began to panic she wanted to run she could no longer feel her bindings that held her in that cruel grasp,

JJ looked softly at Emily as she felt her pull away, she saw the wild frighten look in her eyes it broke JJ's heart to see her like this

"Hey, it's okay Emily, you’re safe." She tried to reassure her.

Emily looked blankly at her she knew that voice, but she did not trust her mind she could not. She flinched again this time she hit the bars on the bed, she began to panic more she was trapped, everything she could see and feel was just her mind playing tricks on her.

"Look at me." JJ said it was more of a demand than her asking, she turned her head slowly to the voice she knew, those words she had said them before.

However, was this just her mind playing tricks on her, she heard the words again "Emily. Look at me" Her voice conveyed worry this time.

She turned to see if what she heard was real or her mind playing tricks, her eyes locking into focus as they met blue orbs, she knew them eyes that soft look, she felt safe for the first time since she was taken.

"Forgive me?" Emily said; as she looked into those blue eyes, JJ shook her head slightly.

"Shh, you’re safe Em" Was all she could reply she had nothing to forgive. JJ looked into the brown chocolate eyes that she loved but now she saw pain and fear.

Emily's eyes closed as sleep tried to take over "Rest Emily, I'll be here when you wake" JJ said as she saw Emily's eyes closed fighting the sleep that she so badly needed. She began to drift the words leaving her lips just as sleep began to take her.

"Love you Jay"

JJ sat looking at her for a moment did she mean that? She was asleep she could not have meant it. JJ took hold of her hand again settling into the chair to watch over her, she spoke to her knowing Emily couldn't hear her.

"I love you too Emily"

* * *

 

Being a prisoner to your dreams and to your mind can be worse than the real thing, it never stops in your dreams there are no breaks it just keep repeating over and over again until your body finally allows you to wake.

You can feel it repeatedly sometimes you can even taste it! And this was where Emily was at, the never ending dream it feels so real.

"Save me JJ! Please?" Emily begged in her sleep.

The noise and words ripped JJ from her sleep, more like someone slapping you very hard when you had no clue it was coming. She took hold her hand as she stood over the bed brushing the hair away from Emily's eyes.

She spoke softly and calm even though she didn't feel it watching someone you love care for be tormented and hurt even in their sleep is heart-breaking.

"Hey Em your safe, I've got you!" JJ said softly.

Emily flinched against her touch.

"I'm right here Emily, Please wake up." It was more than a prayer. JJ begged as she carried on running her fingers gently through her hair.

The noise made Morgan jump as he move to the doorway, he opened the door slowly looking at them both, seeing his partner like this broke his heart.

"JJ is everything okay?" Morgan asked keeping his voice low.

JJ's eyes met his, her eyes blood shocked "I think she is having a nightmare" she spoke softly as hand fingers continued to run through her hair, her eyes drifted back to Emily.

Morgan walked slowly over to JJ "She will wake up again. JJ" Morgan assured her.

"I know" Her eyes never shifting off Emily as she replied.

The silence fell on the empty room even the machines had become like a humming sound that blended into the lull of the room. Finally, she allowed sleep to wash over her again.

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 23 December 2006 7.45am **

Emily awoke slowly, pulling herself out of a nightmare of darkness and agony, she felt pinned by a weight across her waist. The terror threatened to drown her, slowly she opened her eyes sighing softly as the tape was finally gone.

Her instincts made her wary. She was glad of her caution moments later when the dim lights seemed to blind her. She closed her eyes before she tried to open them again.

Once again, she was forced to close her eyes again, and this time she used the time to think. She knew that her kidnap and torture had happened. That much, was burned into her memory, but there was something else that she could not be sure was reality.

She hoped it was. With that terrifying thought at the fore of her mind, she opened her eyes, and this time she was able to keep them open, though she had to blink hard a few times. Her view was hazy, but did not eliminate nor did it prove she was free.

Blinking slowly, she turned her head, her eyes, barely able to make out the shape of a woman's face. As she adjusted to the dim light, she was able to differentiate between tanned golden skin and strands of blonde hair.

Her eyes widened as her brain made the leap to who the owner of that face was. She glanced down, assuring herself that the warm, living weight around her waist was an arm, but then the panic returned.

All she knew so far was that Jennifer Jareau was lying next to her. And that didn't mean either of them were safe, despite the lack of restraints and the relative comfort of the bed she was on. Fear cleared some of the fog, and the adrenaline rush gave her the strength to shift slightly, ignoring how much moving hurt.

"Emily?"

The sound of her name got her to turn back to JJ, but the woman was apparently still asleep. If she had woken up to find that JJ was being tortured as she had been, she thought she would have shattered, but her mind clung to the very real weight and warmth of her friend.

As long as JJ was safe, she could hold on. She felt her whole body tense as she remembered terror, but she again distracted as JJ stirred, lifting her head up tiredly., JJ froze as she realized Emily was awake and looking back at her.

"Emily" she smiled softly at her friend as she continued to run her finger through her hair. "You're safe now, Emily,"

"How... how long?" she rasped, hoping JJ would understand.

"Eight days in total, we found you four days ago," JJ replied, watching as Emily's eyes widen.

"How bad is it?"

Jennifer hesitated, but Emily knew she would not lie to her. She was just trying to find the right words, the ones that would tell her both the good news and the bad without sending her into a panic.

"Bad, Emily," JJ started at last, her blue eyes, bloodshot and dull, filled with pain and what might have been tears, "He cracked a few of your ribs and caused some internal bleeding. They have dressed your wounds. You will need more surgery though" JJ closed her eyes trying to focus on what she was saying.

Emily nodded slightly as she tried to form words "Is… are I mean," Emily sighed as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"They think plastics will be able to correct the damage he has done to your chest and" JJ's voice trailed off slightly.

Emily tried to lean towards JJ understanding what she was trying to tell her "It's okay JJ" Emily said softly, JJ shook her head slightly meeting Emily's eyes with her own before continuing.

"You had a bleed in your brain which they had to drain late last night. It was touch and go for a while" Emily nodded numbly "I was really worried about you," she whispered

Before JJ could continue, a blonde nurse entered, pulling the curtain slightly back to reveal a wheeled tray covered in cloths and other items. "Hi Miss. Prentiss," she chirped brightly. "My name is Kelly and I'm here to clean you up a little and check your dressings" JJ looked at Emily and then back at the nurse.

JJ started. "Do I need to leave?" But Kelly cut her off, "Only if Miss. Prentiss wants you to."

Emily rolled her eyes slightly "Stay JJ. Please. Please call me Emily" her voice was raspy and slightly shaky as she spoke

"Alright then," confirmed the nurse. "Let's start." Kelly ripped open a foil package and drew out a steaming, wet cloth. She began with Emily's arms, cleaning her fingers gently and as much of the rest of her arm as she could reach.

Once finished with the first cloth, the nurse picked up a soft towel and patted Emily's damp skin to keep her from feeling chilled. JJ perched on the side of the bed and held the fingers of Emily's right hand in hers as the nurse tore open the second foil package.

This time she cleaned Emily's face, ghosting over her broken and swollen cheekbone. She carefully wiped the wincing brunette's neck before she eased the thin gown down to reveal Emily's collarbone and shoulders and the tops of the thick bandages protecting her collarbone and brutalized breasts.

As she worked, Kelly hummed to herself and occasionally spoke to Emily, letting her know what she was doing. She pulled the gown a little further down to inspect the bandage and, seeing the blood beginning to soak through.

"I'll let your charge nurse know that these need to be changed." Emily struggled to hold back her tears at the thought of her most private areas.

Kelly re-tied the gown around Emily's neck and pulled the warm blankets up to tuck them snugly over her shoulders. She then moved to the foot of the bed and lifted the blankets from Emily's legs before tenderly cleaning as much of the foot and leg as she could reach; she pushed the blanket up a little further to reveal the bandages hiding Emily's mutilated core.

Emily closed her eyes tightly as she weakly squeezed JJ's slender hand. JJ made soothing sounds low in her throat as she started to run her fingers gently through Emily's hair, trying to pass on as much strength as she could to her. Kelly inspected the bandage gently before beginning to cleanse around the area. Kelly pulled the gown and blankets back down to re-cover Emily's, now shivering form.

Kelly spoke softly, "I'll send your charge nurse in when she's available to change your bandages and update your chart, Emily." She then turned and wheeled the cart away, pausing to close the privacy curtain as she left.

The tears fell from Emily's eyes as she sobbed uncontrollably "Shh, your safe Em, the rest we can work out" JJ whispered softly as she knew why Emily was crying. The tears finally subsided as Emily looked up tiredly at JJ.

"JJ... I think I'm falling asleep," she whispered faintly, realising only as she said it that it was true.

She had obviously exhausted whatever reserves her body had managed to regain, and she could live with it as long as she knew she would never wake up in that place again.

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 23 December 2006 8.15am **

Hotch opened the door slowly as to not disturb Emily as she was sleeping peacefully he smiled softly as he motioned to JJ to join him in the hallway "Has she woken up at all?" Hotch asked.

"She woke for about half an hour" JJ half smiled as she kept trying to watch the inside of the room.

"I won't keep you long JJ, I have sent everyone to get some breakfast and to change, will you be okay? We should be back within a few hours" He said softly.

JJ nodded "That's fine, Hotch? Is there any chance you could get Morgan to get me a few things from my house as I could do with a shower, the nurse has said I can use Emily's" she asked softly.

Hotch nodded "We won't be long" With that Hotch turned and headed down the corridor and JJ quietly entered the room.

She sat watching still running her fingers through Emily's hair, a commotion outside pull JJ from her thoughts as she groaned slightly as she rose leaving the room to find out what the hell was going on outside the room.

"I do not care what her team say's I demand to know what room she is in" An angry voice said at the nurses, JJ shuddered internally as she recognized the woman who was shouting somewhat at the nurses.

"Ma'am?" JJ said softly, the woman turned and look at JJ

"Agent Jareau.

“I would say it's a pleasure, but under the circumstances..." the Ambassador trailed off slightly,

JJ professional walls slammed up as she spoke to her "If you'd like to follow me Ma'am"

The Ambassador gently touched JJ's arm as you spoke softly "I think we can leave the professionalism outside, don't you Jennifer?"

JJ looked blankly at her for a moment even though she had only meet her a few times at work and while she was at Emily's this had totally taken her by surprise.

"Ma'am?" JJ went to question again.

"Elizabeth please" The ambassador requested, now tell me where my daughter is please"

JJ half smiled as she guided her into the room "She's only just gone back to sleep" JJ spoke quietly as she watched Emily.

JJ had never seen the Ambassador like this her words pulled her from her thoughts as she turned and looked at her.

"You look terrible, is there no food or coffee in this place?" Elizabeth asked as she looked at JJ, "I am sure she will be fine for a while, shall we?" Elizabeth turned opening the door "Jennifer? You're no good to her if you don't look after yourself" JJ was slightly in shock; this was not the normal abrupt woman she knew.

JJ followed her outside the room slightly wary knowing that she could in fact whisk Emily away if she wanted to. As they walked toward the cafeteria Elizabeth spoke softly.

"I know my daughters wishes Jennifer."

This worried JJ somewhat "Ma'am with all due respect" JJ started but the ambassador cut her off.

"Is the care up to your standard?" She asked as she turned to look at JJ

"Yes Ma'am" The woman sighed slightly.

"Let's leave the Ma'am outside, please," She requested again, "I know my daughter and I also know her feelings towards you." This took JJ by surprise as she went to speak again but again she was cut off "I am not a total bitch Jennifer and Emily and I do talk" she smiled softly at her.

After getting some food and coffee, they both sat around the table; there were not too many people around as Elizabeth spoke again "Can you please tell me what has happened and what the injuries are please?" Elizabeth asked eyeing up JJ as she spoke.

JJ explained everything and told her all the injuries Emily had endured at the hands of Rob; she stumbled slightly over her words. "There's more, that you aren't saying?" Elizabeth asked.

JJ blushed shyly a tear rolling down her cheek. She didn't want to talk about Emily's more private areas as she still thought it was her place so she settled on the half-truth "She will need both plastic and corrective surgery" JJ said as she looked down at her hands.

Elizabeth gasped slightly as she had some idea of what she was being told "Does Emily know?" She enquired

"Yes Ma… Elizabeth" JJ corrected herself as she spoke which cause Elizabeth to smile softly.

"If you feel the care is not up to standard we can have her moved to a more competent hospital" as she said this JJ panicked somewhat

"With all due respect unless Emily says she wants to."

JJ was again, cut off again "Jennifer I will not force, nor will I take her from here unless you feel she needs better care, my daughter trusts your judgement and therefore I do as well." She said in a steady but caring voice.

JJ smiled at this as she spoke "They have been fantastic with her"

Elizabeth nodded "May I ask you a question and I would appreciate an honest answer" JJ nodded as she listened to the ambassador. However, what she asked made JJ choke on her coffee.

"Do you have feelings for my daughter?"

"Wh…What?" JJ blushed deeply as she recovered herself.

"A simple yes or no would suffice Jennifer" Elizabeth chuckled slightly as she took in the shocked look upon her face, JJ nodded as the words failed her.

She smiled but spoke seriously "If it was up to me I would bang both your heads together! Why have you not told Emily?" JJ never answered her she just looked blankly at the table "I am well aware of Emily's sexuality Jennifer and I have and never had any problem with it, but if you hurt her I will have a problem. So if you feel this is too much or you are unable to stand by her you must tell me now."

JJ whispered her reply "I'd do anything for her" the tears rolled down her cheek as

Elizabeth rose placing her hand on her shoulder. "Then let's get you back downstairs and you can take a shower while I sit with Emily"

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 23 December 2006: 09.35am **

Emily stirred slightly from her sleep, as she woke she could make out the figure near her "JJ?" she said softly as she turned her still unfocused eyes towards the figure, the voice answered sending her body into panic.

"Ma'am?" The male nurse replied as he looked over at her.

Emily froze as the voice the figure near her sent waves of panic through her body as she tried to flinch away. As the fear washed over her, she remembered JJ being there. And all she could think and focus on was the basement and the upcoming torture that would be inflicted on her. More importantly, she feared what this figure had done with JJ, As the fear and panic set in she began to thrash violently in the bed, the nurse’s voice rose slightly.

"I need some help in here!" he bellowed as four more nurses flooded into the room sending Emily more and more into a fit of panic as they tried to hold her still.

The two women walked slowly down the corridor, the noise bring both women out of their thoughts. As they turned the corner, rushing towards Emily's room wear the commotion was emanating from Emily's room.

JJ froze as she saw five nurses holding Emily down and placing restraints on her as she weakly tried to fight them off. Elizabeth had walked slightly in to the back of the frozen press liaison.

As she too looked into the room seeing them holding her daughter down the anger in her voice as she spoke made JJ jump.

"GET OFF HER, RIGHT NOW!" Elizabeth ordered, as the nurses turned to look were the voice had come from.

Emily laid stiff as a board in her bed, her arms and legs tightly bound to the rails of her bed, and a wide-eyed look of frozen terror on her face.

"Move away from her now, can you not see your scaring her!" JJ said in a dangerous voice.

"Get out now" Elizabeth ordered as the nurses tried to push the two women to one side as they spoke.

"This is for her own safety" The male nurse said coldly, which made JJ get more angry.

"I said move, before I move you myself" The fire and disgust latent in her voice.

Kelly had walked onto the ward as her shift started that morning upon hearing the raised voices coming from one of the private rooms she rushed down towards her patient, she stopped mid-step.

As she saw what was going on "Everybody out now!" Kelly ordered in a professional manner.

"Emily!" JJ muttered still reeling and slightly frozen as the nurses moved away from Emily's side.

Slowly JJ approached the terrified woman as calmly as she could, she spoke softly "Emily look at me sweetie" gently she moved to take hold of Emily's hand; Emily panicked more as she felt the touch.

"Emily. Look at me!" JJ tried again with more authority in her voice, hoping to bring her friend out of the terror that been inflicted, on her yet again.

Unfocused eyes meet blue ones as she finally registered the voice, she looked blankly at her for a few moments as JJ slowly tried again to touch her, Emily flinched slightly at the touch but blue eyes held her deep brown eyes to hers as she spoke.

"You’re safe Emily" she said as calmly as she could.

Emily's voice was weak and strained as she spoke, still held in the terror of the basement "Run" as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Shh.. your safe Emily" fear still latent on Emily's face as she looked into her friends eyes, eyes she trusted, she tugged weakly at the binding that held her to the bed.

JJ ran her fingers gently through her hair as she spoke "I need you to stay still , okay?" she said softly as she ran her fingers down her arm meeting the leather restraints that held her friends wrists.

Brown eyes focused on her voice and eyes as she nodded weakly. Slowly and gently JJ removed the restraints that the nurses had placed on her already bruised and frail skin. Humming softly as she kept her movements slow and steady her gaze never leaving Emily's face. As JJ removed all the bindings from her wrists and ankles, she smiled softly at Emily,

"I will be right back, okay?" Emily nodded as the fear and panic drifted away from her mind.

Kelly followed JJ and Elizabeth out to the nurses' station "I want to know what the hell happened" JJ's voice was dangerous and firm as the five nurses looked at the small blonde "NOW!" she snapped.

"She woke up and panicked" the male nurse brushed her off, which caused JJ to become angrier as Elizabeth cut in.

"Is that how you treat trauma and rape victims? Sending a male nurse in to see to her care?"

"I was just checking her charts" He tried to dis-miss the two women before he noticed Kelly stood behind them.

Kelly's voice cut in before the agent and ambassador could start again "You were told not to go in that room. By Doctor Grant, and myself, you all are aware of the trauma she has suffered and yet you still, went in there. Causing my patient to panic and no doubt has caused more damage to her injuries," she stated as all five nurses looked down as though a teacher was shouting at them. "I suggest you all leave right now" Kelly ordered "And off my ward"

Kelly looked at the two women, "I am so sorry JJ, Ma'am." Kelly said sincerely.

JJ nodded as she began to walk back towards Emily's room as she spoke "If any of them come in. I will not be held responsible for my actions" her voice giving no room for a disagreement.

"I doubt they will have jobs when I am through" Kelly said softly as she followed the two women back into the room.

Emily laid still in the bed as the fear and panic started to pass, the three women walked back into her room "I need to check her dressings" Kelly said softly as she could see the blood seeping through her blankets.

"I'll wait outside Jennifer," Elizabeth said softly as her eyes washed over her daughter sadly.

JJ just nodded as a tear ran down her cheek before slowly walking over to Emily's side. She spoke softly and calmly "Emily, Kelly just needs to check your dressings" she watched Emily. As she spoke she could still see the fear on her face, JJ took hold of Emily's hand, as she whispered softly "I'm not going anywhere you’re safe" Emily nodded slightly as she watched JJ.

Kelly walked slowly over towards the two women, as she did not want to frighten her more than she already was. Causing stress and fear too anyone is bad enough but someone who had gone through so much already could have dreadful consequences on a person. Kelly spoke softly as she approached the side of the bed.

"Emily I need to check your dressings and change your blanket" she said softly; as she slowly moved her hands towards the top of the blanket, which had turned red, in Emily's struggles.

Gently she removed the blanket that was covering her chest, JJ was talking softly to Emily her eyes focused on her face and not was the nurse was doing at the side of her.

Emily closed her eyes slightly as she felt her touch her skin and she flinch slightly "Shh, I've got you" JJ reassured her.

Kelly had removed the dressings slowly and gently as she could, revealing her swollen and reddened breasts. Emily turned her head in shame, trying to hide herself into JJ.

For just a moment JJ's eyes left Emily as Kelly spoke. "I will have to get the doctor too come and have a look, her stitches have burst" she said softly as JJ caught a glimpse of the exposed flesh. She half flinched as she finally saw the damaged that had befallen Emily.

"Okay" she said softly feeling the tears fall onto her hand she looked back to Emily who had been watching JJ's movements.

"It's okay sweetie," she said softly. Emily shook her head slightly, as she became embarrassed and humiliated.

"Ss…oorr.y" Emily muttered as she started to close her eyes.

She smiled sadly at her friend as she wrapped her arm the best she could around her small frame "Don't be sorry Em" she said softly as she ran her fingers gently through her hair, for the first time in her life Emily doubted herself and the words she heard falling out of JJ's mouth.

"I. You should. I mean" Emily stumbled over her words as she spoke and yet again JJ understood.

"I am not leaving you Emily Prentiss," she said firmly causing Emily to look into her eyes "What has happened to you is not your fault." She held her eyes in her own for a moment before the words softly fell from her mouth "I love you, and I am not going anywhere"


	8. Chapter 8

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 23 December 2006 10.15am **

"I would like to be passed through to the person in charge of the hospital" "Yes I'll hold" after a few moments, the manager answered the phone. "This is Ambassador Prentiss, May I take your name?" She asked curtly.

"I am ringing regarding the care and treatment of my daughter Emily Prentiss" there was a long pause. "I am her Mother and I have a right to voice my concerns and unless you resolve this matter I will take this above your head. I'm I clear enough for you" Elizabeth said abruptly.

Hotch and the rest of his team made their way towards the ward, they slowed down slightly as they hear a woman they all knew speaking in an abrupt manner to someone.

"I do not care what it takes, If I see those five people anywhere near my daughter again, you will have a lawsuit on your hands, so fast your head will spin I'm I clear enough for you." Elizabeth said in an abrupt and angry tone.

"Hotch, can she do that?" Reid asked.

"Unless she challenges JJ, then I don't think so." Hotch replied

“Do you have any idea what torture they have put her through" she stopped slightly

Hotch frowned slightly as they made their way slowly towards the Ambassador.

"No I am not exaggerating at all. If you want confirmation I suggest you get down here right now, or shall I have someone collect you?" There was a slight pause "I am glad we agree, may I point out if I see them near or around this ward I will also see that you also lose your job also, and I advise you not to test me!" snapping her phone shut not giving the man on the other end a chance to respond. She closed her eyes slightly as she tried to regain control over her anger.

"Ambassador?" Hotch said in a wary tone "Is everything"

She cut him off "Jennifer is with Emily and I think she may have bust a few stitches" she said softly as she looked at Hotch.

He frown slightly they were all fine when they had left to go and change. "Aaron" she faltered as she spoke. "They restrained Emily again and Jennifer is trying to calm her down" she never explained anymore as the team settled into the chairs next to her.

The doors to Emily's room opened as Kelly stepped out into the corridor "Ma'am she is comfortable now if you want to go and see her" Elizabeth nodded "The surgeon should be down soon, to take her back into theatre" she said sadly as she looked at the rest of the team.

JJ sat next to her bed whispering softly to her as she waited for the sobs that were coming from Emily subsided.

"Jennifer?" Elizabeth said softly as she did not want to startle either of them. Raising her head to meet the Ambassadors JJ shook her head slightly as she looked at the blood that was seeping through the fresh blanket.

Slowly she walked over to the foot of the bed speaking soft but firm "Emily" she flinched at her name being said, "Emily" she said again softly as her daughter turned her head slightly looking towards the person at the foot of her bed

"Mo…ther?" Elizabeth smiled softly at her daughter.

"Jennifer would you mind if I had a few moments alone with her please" JJ frowned slightly not fully understanding why she was asking permission from her

"Of course Ma'am" JJ looked at her with an apologetic look on her face "Sorry, Elizabeth" JJ smiled sadly as she walked into the corridor.

* * *

 

Closing the door behind herself JJ leaned against the cool glass not noticing her friends sitting and looking at her.

Hotch broke the silence as he spoke to her "JJ what on earth happened?" JJ's blood shocked eyes met concerned eyes as she finally broke down.

After a few moments JJ collected herself before looking at the rest of the team she sighed softly as she began to explain what had happened this morning, and how much damage Emily had done as she fought the nurses.

Kelly hovered near the station motioning for JJ to come to her, "Doctor Grant will be taking her shortly once they have sterilised the theatre" she said softly.

"Thank you" she replied before re-joining her friends.

* * *

 

Elizabeth walked slowly around the bed taking the seat that JJ had been sitting in "Emily sweetheart look at me" Emily tried to gain control over her emotions but failed as the words left her mouth.

"Mother, I…I...” The sobs came harder this time.

Elizabeth ran her fingers gently along her daughters face "No need to be ashamed darling" she said softly causing Emily to look at her with teary eyes.

Emily closed her eyes slightly as her Mother touched her face before she found the words she was looking for "its bad"

Elizabeth nodded slightly "I know, but you will recover Emily" she spoke softly. "Don't look so worried I do not think she is going anywhere" she smiled as her daughter blushed slightly and shook her head.

"I...I mean. I'm a mess and she saw Mother" Emily broke down again as Elizabeth wrapped her arm carefully around her.

"And yet she still loves you, so it's not that bad" she comforted her daughter with what she needed to hear. A Mother just knows.

Emily shook her head against her body "She doesn't know" Elizabeth chuckled slightly as she answered.

"She knows now, and if you weren't so badly hurt I would be banging your heads together, very hard" she teased. As the sobs slowly slowed down as she realised what her Mother had said.

"You did what?" Emily asked somewhat confused and unsure she had heard correctly. Elizabeth ignored her question and smiled softly at her.

"If it was up to you two you'd dance around your feelings forever. I have just given it a push"

The slight knock on the door pulled both women out of their thoughts as a doctor entered the room "Ma'am, Emily" he smiled softly "We have to take you into surgery now." He said softly to them both.

"I'll be here when you come back Emily" she confirmed as the two porters started to wheel her out of the room.

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 23 December 2006 12.03pm **

Elizabeth left the room after a few moments to join the rest of Emily's team in the corridor. "Jennifer"

JJ turn and look at her "Yes?" she replied.

"Will you please go and have a shower and get changed." She smiled softly at the younger woman "I am quite sure no one would mind"

"What if she comes back and I am not here?" JJ tried to argue her point.

"Jennifer I very much doubt that and beside a shower won't take long unless you insist on arguing about it" Elizabeth pointed out.

"And if Emily returns and your still in the shower I will inform you" JJ nodded as she slowly walk into Emily's room grabbing her bag before stepping into the bathroom.

"They are both as stubborn as each other," Elizabeth commented as she sat back down in the corridor causing Morgan to laugh.

"You have no idea Ma'am" she smiled at the young gentleman at her side.

"Aaron?" she said in a firm voice.

The humour left behind. "Would you and the rest of your team mind doing something for me?" She asked.

"What do you need us to do Ambassador?" Hotch asked still slightly wary of her.

Lifting her purse out of her bag and a small piece of paper she scribbled a few numbers down and a small list "Would you all be so kind and go shopping for me for a few bits. As I would rather stay with Jennifer and Emily" Hotch frowned slightly as Rossi replied.

"What do you need Elizabeth?" Rossi was the only one who could get away with not being formal in front of her.

She looked at him "it is Christmas Eve tomorrow, and I can tell you all have forgotten which is understandable" she smiled softly. "It would mean a great deal to me if you could pick some items up for me." She looked at Hotch as she handed her bankcard and list over to him. "I am very sure; I can trust you with this?"

"Yes Ma'am" Hotch smiled slightly as he replied taking the offered items. "And Aaron, can you please pick up some suitable nightwear for these two ladies" Hotch nodded as he ushered his somewhat shocked team down the corridor and out the hospital.

* * *

 

"Did that just happen?" Morgan said as they walked outside.

"She was and is so" Reid tried to look for the words he needed.

"I guess personal and professional attires" Hotch smiled, he finally looked down at the list she had handed to him and shook his head slightly.

"This is going to be a long afternoon"

Garcia laughed "I take it none of you have even been shopping with a Prentiss before?"

The four men answered all together. "No"

She smirked "Well if Emily takes after her Mother it should be easy."

* * *

 

JJ stepped into the shower the warm water hitting her skin, letting out a slight moan as her muscles finally relaxed under the heat, she allowed her mind to wonder over the past few days as she tried to process everything which had happened and everything she had been told.

JJ had also managed to keep her personal life just that, she never talked about dating or what she did, but Garcia knew everything, Emily she still hadn't opened up to them fully, always keeping one part of her hidden.

"If only I had the guts to tell her sooner" she muttered as the water sprayed her face.

This was someone who had haunted her dreams for the past few years; she is the one who was always there when she needed someone to talk to, to listen to her. After 15 minutes of the water spraying her body she turned, it off feeling revived and fresh as she towelled herself off, it suddenly dawned on her what the date was as she cursed aloud.

"Damn it" a gentle knock on the door pulled her out of the thought that swam in her head.

"Jennifer is everything alright?" Elizabeth spoke in a concerned voice.

"Y..Yes" Her weak reply was enough.

For Elizabeth to demand she unlocked the door there and then. "Jennifer open this door at once" She order and for some unknown reason JJ obeyed, opening the door her towel wrapped tightly around her the words stumbled out her mouth.

"It's Christmas eve tomorrow!"

Elizabeth nodded as she wrapped a stunned JJ in her arms "And that has been taken care of" she assured the younger woman.

"Now why don't you get some clothes on before you catch a chill" she said softly as she looked into sad blue eyes "Aaron can be trusted with my bank card cant he?" she let out a warm smile as she winked as JJ froze slightly

"Ma, Elizabeth?"

She smiled knowing full well what she was about to be asked "I sent him and the others shopping for me" with that she turned leaving JJ alone.

JJ came out of the room a few moments later asking as soon as she saw Elizabeth "Any news?" the concern showing in her voice.

"Not yet"

* * *

 

"Are you sure this is the correct place Garcia, the last thing we need is the wrath of that woman coming down on us" Hotch said as he doubled checked the price tag on one of the items.

"You are aware of how much Emily likes to shop aren't you? I mean she drags me and JJ around these shops at least twice a month and this my sweets is the only place you are going to find this perfume"

"But it is over 200dollars a bottle" Morgan somewhat gasped as he too saw the price tag

"And the only one Emily will wear" Garcia pointed out as she smiled at the now familiar shop assistant

"Are you after the usual?" she asked as she looked around for the other two women who normally came with her.

"Yes please, but can you gift wrap it" Garcia requested as the assistant picked up the bottle wrapping it in expensive paper. Hotch shook his head slightly as he passed the card over to her. "Thank you" after paying and leaving the shop he muttered.

"Glad Haley never wanted this stuff" he somewhat joked.

"Right what's next on the list?" Garcia asked as Hotch looked down at the paper and becoming slightly embarrassed "Well?"

"Lingerie" he said in a whisper.

Garcia laughed slightly "I know just the place"

"Do you even know what size she is" Reid enquired.

"Yes I do and also the perfect shop to get some suitable sleepwear from as well" she replied chirpily as she looked at the four embarrassed men in front of her "I'll go in alone if you would rather wait outside"

The three of them nodded aside from Morgan "I'll come with you" he smirked.

* * *

 

Over an hour had pasted and still no sign that Emily was coming out of surgery JJ walked over to the nurses' station where Kelly was filling in paperwork.

"Kelly" she said softly "Is there any word?"

Kelly half smiled at her "The doctor will explain once they bring Emily back they should be here soon" JJ nodded as she walked back over to the seats. The two women were silent in their own thoughts.

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 23 December 2006: 14.35 **

They sat there in silence as Elizabeth spoke, "Tell me about yourself please Jennifer, anytime I ask Emily she just tells me you're a very private person" she said softly to which JJ nodded

"I am a very private person" JJ smiled

"Please? You don't need to tell me everything just what you are comfortable with" she smiled as JJ finally agreed to tell her about herself.

"I grew up in a very small town near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I use to collect butterflies as a child, I was captain of the high school varsity soccer team my senior year with earned me an athletic scholarship to the University of Pittsburgh. I also attended Georgetown." She paused for a moment before continuing.

"I decided to join the FBI after I attended a book reading by BAU founder and Unit Chief at the time Agent David Rossi. I was not sure what I wanted to do until I listened to his reading, which was, held in the campus bookstore during my senior year in college. The next fall, I applied to the FBI Academy."

"And are you happy with your job?" She asked softly "Dealing with these people every day must be hard"

JJ smiled softly "My job involves mostly doing paperwork and seeing what cases need us most, talking to the media and the local authorities and comforting the victims' families. And I do enjoy it" she replied honestly.

* * *

 

** 15.33 **

A weary looking doctor stood at the side of the nurses' station, handing Kelly a file which she looked over as her eyes saddened somewhat.

The doctor approached the two now silent lady's "Jennifer, May I have a word" He asked softly JJ looked at the woman at her side as she stood.

"This is Emily's Mother," JJ said as to clearly state she had every reason to hear what was said, He gave the lady a small smile

"Mind if we step inside" his body leaning towards the privacy of Emily's room.

As the three of them entered the room, he closed the door gently behind them. "I have managed to stitch her injuries again. However, when we did the x-ray I noticed that one of her broken ribs had moved causing it to puncture her lung. I have inserted a tube, which is attached to a suction device that will slowly remove the air over the course of several hours or days depending so you will have to be very careful. Also we are now giving Emily a round of antibiotic therapy to prevent infection due to the tubing" he nodded at the two ladies, wishing he could give them some good news for once. "I will have her brought up shortly" With that, he turned and left the room.

JJ sat on the edge of her bed as she waited for Emily to return "Jennifer I have to leave tonight as my new posting has come up, but please tell her how you feel" Elizabeth said softly, "And don't become as stubborn as my daughter or you will never get there"

* * *

 

The rest of the team arrived with a few more bags than they thought they should have JJ chuckled as she saw Garcia. "You didn't drag them in every shop did you?" she asked as Garcia held up the bags.

"These are mine I got Morgan to try them on"

"Hey, you did not such thing" Morgan half argued back.

"Did you manage to get everything I asked for Aaron?" Elizabeth asked, as he handed over her card and the few bags, which were hers.

"Thank you"

The items were perfectly wrapped in gold paper and red ribbons wrapped around them, as she looked through the bag she found the item she wanted, pulling the Christmas card out Elizabeth wrote a message and sealed the envelope after placing the gift card inside.

"Jennifer" hearing her name which stopped the antics between the three younger agents.

"Yes?"

"There is a card in the bag for you" she smiled at Garcia "which I feel is very fitting if not perfect, also I had them get you some gifts to give her on Christmas day" JJ blinked in shock as Elizabeth spoke.

"Can you tell Emily I had to leave please my plane leaves shortly."

JJ nodded "Yes Ma'am" was all that fell from her lips as the woman walked out the room.

"Okay, what the hell just happened? And where is the real Ambassador?" Morgan piped up, which caused everyone to chuckle

"Must be something in the water" Rossi commented.

The silence fell among them, as two people wheeled a somewhat groggy Emily into the room. The team said there wishes as Emily somewhat responded to them her words slightly slurred, JJ ushered them out of the room, just as Reid asked about the tube that had appeared.

Once in the corridor JJ explained what had happened to them and also asked them to all go home and rest and be with their families "If I need you I will ring okay!" she assured them.

"We will be back tomorrow" Morgan and Garcia said at the same time making JJ smile

"Thank you"

The team retreated leaving JJ alone, with Hotch his hawk like eyes watching her carefully as he spoke "JJ I don't say this often and it is also not my place to, but you two both need to talk and be honest with each other."

JJ looked puzzled for a moment before nodding "I know"

"You can't run away all the time JJ" He said as he placed his hand on her shoulder "You know where I am if you need anything, we will see you tomorrow"

JJ walked back into the room closing the door behind her as she sighed softly, Emily had watched her come in and through her somewhat groggy haze tried to smile as the words partly slurred from her lips.

"Hold me?"

JJ smiled at her softly before walking over to her "Are you sure?" she asked somewhat aware of the wires and her bruises, Emily nodded as the blonde gently settled down at her side wrapping her arm gently across her waist.

"Did you mean it?" Emily mumbled into JJ's neck.

"Mean what sweetie?"

"That you love me?" Emily asked as she felt her eyes closing.

JJ gently kissed her forehead as she whispered into her ear "More than you know"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 24 December 2006 6.34am **

Emily woke up slowly, pulling and clawing herself out of a nightmare of darkness and agony, only to feel herself pinned by a weight across her waist and something on her shoulder.

She almost panicked, but something held back the flood of terror that threatened to drown her.

"Mm..."

She frowned at the whisper of sound right next to her ear, which seemed to have come from the weight on her shoulder. Blinking slowly, she turned her head slightly

"Mmm..."

Again, that soft murmur derailed her thought process, taking the worst of the edge off her fear, keeping it at bay while still allowing her to focus on the noise. Finally, she looked above her, finding the unmistakable monitors and wires that always meant hospital.

Now that she looked, she could see the IV in her arm and the bags that fed into the tubes, and from there into the needle embedded in her vein. This again indicated hospital.

"Emily..."

The sound of her own name got her to turn back to JJ, but the woman was apparently still asleep.

"Hmm..."

She felt her whole body tensed slightly at the strange whooshing sound that emanated from her side, but she was once again distracted as JJ stirred, lifting her head up and blinking tiredly.

"Hey" She said sleepily as she looked into deep chocolate eyes.

"You talk in your sleep" Emily voice sounding slightly raspy,

Suddenly JJ gasped as she tried to recall the dream she had, had blushing slightly "Oh, I, What did I say?" she asked Emily, who had a bemused look on her face.

JJ moved slightly as she tried to lift herself up from the bed as she started to feel embarrassed "Don't" Emily muttered "Don't go" JJ looked down into concerned eyes and smiled slightly.

"My bladder needs me to move" JJ chuckled as she slowly get off the bed.

"Oh" Emily blushed slightly.

JJ appeared a few moments later looking a little more refreshed, Emily studied her for a few moments before she found the words she wanted to say. "JJ, did you. I mean, well," Emily fumbled with her words.

As JJ walked back over kiss placed a gentle kiss on Emily's forehead "I meant it" JJ said as widened eyes looked at her.

"I didn't dream it then?"

She half smiled "No you didn't Emily."

"How long?"

JJ blushed slightly as she started to answer "Your first day" JJ turned away slightly as her face reddened.

"Ditto" Emily replied as she smiled softly at the woman in front of her.

Both women were pulled from their thoughts as a gentle knock disturbed then "Good morning JJ," Kelly smiled softly before noticing a very awake Emily "Good morning Emily nice to see you awake. I just need to check your charts and I will come back in a little while to clean your dressings," she said softly

"Did you sleep okay?" Kelly asked as she wrote on the chart.

"Mostly, yes" JJ frown slightly at Emily's answer but dis-missed it until they were alone.

"Are you in any pain?" She asked, Emily nodded slightly, "I'll ask for your morphine to increased" Kelly left the room after finishing filling in the chart.

"Emily, did something happen last night?" Emily shook her head slightly

"Emily?" Emily's expression changed and her already pale skin turned bone white. "Emily? Emily, what's wrong?"

"You know exactly what happened, don't you?" the brunette asked, sounding more than a little faint all of a sudden. JJ frowned, wondering what she meant, and turned pale herself, realising what Emily was talking about.

She did not know about him recording it. She tried to think of something to say, something to take away the devastation ripping across her friend's face, but in the end she realized that, horrible as it was, she'd be better off telling her the truth.

"He had recorded everything," JJ explained hating the words, which worsened the horror on her friends face, "He apparently recorded... everything."

"You mean his. Don't you?" Emily broke in, her voice devoid of emotion, "and you saw it. You all saw it?"

"Uh... Garcia did not. She couldn't watch it"

Dark brown eyes closed, and JJ was afraid she either had passed out or had retreated into her mind.

"Emily" she said gently, for several impossibly long seconds she was frozen, terrified; that this had been the last straw Emily's fragile psyche could take.

When those eyes opened again, she breathed, realizing only then that she had been holding her breath. The dark brown depths were glassy and unfocused, but they did seem to be alert and aware.

Shaking away her fear and shame she looked deeply into kind and understanding blue eyes "Thank you" she said softly "for being honest, with me"

JJ smiled sadly and spoke softly "I could never lie to you Emily"

Silence had fell between them both as Emily pulled away in shame and JJ was mentally kicking herself, for telling Emily about the video, Kelly walked back in the room pushing a cart which had a bowl of warm water fresh dressings and a soft towel underneath.

JJ looked down slightly as she spoke "You want me to leave Emily?" her voice distant and unsure.

"No" Emily spoke firmly as she looked at the woman she loved and needed, "Stay, please" Emily asked their eyes finally meeting after the awkward silence that had fallen over them, JJ nodded and moved to sit closer to her friend.

"Who will be staying with you once you are discharged" Kelly asked as she looked at the two ladies, distracting them as she gently lifted the blanket exposing her dressings on her chest.

"I.... I mean if you, if that's" JJ stumbled over her words, as Emily kindly cut in

"I was hoping you would allow me to go home with JJ?" she asked. As the blush took over her skin "That's if she will have me"

"What girl could refuse that offer" Kelly grinned as she spoke causing both women to turn a deeper shade of red.

Gently Kelly removed the dressings, which cover her mutilated chest as she cleaned around the stitches; Emily again turned her head in shame as JJ caressed her cheek.

"JJ I need to show you how to clean and change the dressings," Kelly said softly getting the blondes attention. Kelly explained what she was doing and how to clean around the stitches on her chest.

Emily for her part kept her eyes closed as the shamed washed over her as she felt her lower covers being removed exposing her most private areas.

"Shh. It's okay," JJ said softly trying to calm a now sobbing Emily.

As Kelly slowly removed the dressings that covered her, JJ closed her eyes at the sight she saw torn matted flesh and dark black stitches holding her delicate skin together. Taking a deep breath in as she watched Kelly clean where the blood had dried before placing fresh dressings over her mutilated core.

JJ turned back to Emily only to see her eyes still closed and hot tears falling slowly to her cheeks. JJ reached to pull a tissue from the box near Emily's bed and dabbed gently at the quietly sobbing woman's eyes. The action got Emily's attention and she opened her eyes to find JJ hovering concernedly over her.

"Shh, sweetheart," JJ said, smiling softly. "Don't cry. I'm here."

* * *

 

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 24 December 2006 9.03am **

The sobs slowly subsided keeping her face buried in JJ's neck she mumbled "Jennifer?"

JJ smiled softly at her as she said her name "Yes?" something changed between them in the past few hours, the shame still emanated through Emily like a knife.

Her thoughts took over as her eyes dulled making a somewhat worried JJ even more worried "Emily?" no reply, she tried again "Emily!" still no answer, she pressed a slight kiss on her forehead.

"Emily Prentiss you will look at me and tell me" JJ said in a very firm and professional voice and it worked as she got a weak reply that made JJ flinch slightly

"You should go"

"Wh..What?" JJ stuttered, soft fingers caressed her sore cheek, "Emily look at me please" she conveyed all the emotions she was holding in through in her voice, sad eyes met hurt ones.

As Emily realized what she had said and how it sounded she shook her head slightly "Its Christmas eve and you should" she stopped as JJ smiled softly.

"I am right where I need to be"

She bent slightly down her eyes locking with Emily's as soft gentle lips met hers, she kissed her softly, as tears fell from brown ones as her jaw ached slightly as her stomach turned.

"Finally" came a voice somewhat chirpy voice, making both women jump slightly

"Garcia!" JJ scowled somewhat angry.

"It's rude not to knock" as Emily groaned slightly as she blushed deeply, trying to hide her face.

"It's taken you how long?" Garcia said ignoring the fiery blonde and the blushing brunette. Emily spoke softly as her voice allowed.

"Garcia, if you have taken any pictures I want a copy!" Emily blurted out making them all chuckle.

"How about the video instead?"

Emily froze slightly as she closed her eyes, she didn't know which was worse, the fact that her friends had seen her mutilated and bruised body, or the fact that he had recorded.

"Emily?" she said softly as she cupped her cheek gently.

Garcia gasped slightly as the words stumbled from her lips "What! She knows?"

JJ nodded as her focus for totally on her friends shaking form "Emily, it's okay" JJ reassured her as Garcia spoke

"Emily, I am so sorry, I didn't mean"

Emily smiled weakly at the her "it's okay Pen"

Emily knew Garcia did not have an unkind bone in her body as she shook the thoughts that had clouded her mind. She looked at her two friends softly "Garcia! Stop hovering in the doorway."

Slowly she walked in fully closing the door behind her "JJ I am starving" Emily said; as they all heard her stomach growl. The sudden change in Emily made JJ turn slightly worried.

"I'll see if they can get you something to eat" she smiled as she went to head out of the room leaving Garcia alone with her.

"Emily?" she nodded softly "Have you actually told her how you feel?"

She half chuckled "Not in so many words"

"Well I for one am routing for you"

Emily shook her head slightly as she formed the words "I need you to do something for me, before JJ gets back"

"Are you sure?" Garcia asked as JJ returned.

Emily smiled at her bubbly friend and let out a small laugh "Yes!" was all she replied as a now bouncy and happy Garcia walked out the room.

* * *

 

"My god hunk of chocolate gorgeousness I need you to come with me" she said grabbing Morgan as he walked up the corridor.

“Baby girl?" was all he was able to say as he was dragged back down the corridor and into the parking lot.

* * *

 

JJ walked back over to the bed "Hold me? Please?" Emily said as JJ climbed gently on to the bed, wrapping her arm gently around her.

"Is everything okay?" she asked slightly worried.

"No, I need to tell you something" Emily said somewhat shyly

JJ nodded as she held her friend close "Jennifer" there it was again her full name, no one used her full name ever.

"Yes?" say replied as she listen to the way her name sounded again.

Emily sighed softly as she tried to find the right words to say, "I love you, I mean, I am in love with you" she stuttered out as she tried to hide her face more into the nook of JJ's neck, "there hasn't been a day I don't think about you" she carried on trying to explain something. JJ waited knowing there was more to come.

"When I, went to the bar Friday. I wanted to be alone I needed to work things through" JJ felt a tear fall onto her chest as Emily continued "I flirted with him JJ, Its."

JJ cut her off "No Emily it is not your fault, don't you dare blame yourself for what that bastard did to you" placing her lips against Emily's head, Emily closed her eyes as she listened to her

"When I woke up in that room, and after he" she faltered slightly "All I could think of was you, I held on to your smile and your laughter a..nd, you saved me" she ran her finger so gently down Emily's back as she felt the tears fall on to her "Your beautiful" she whispered.

JJ smiled softly "Can I ask you something Emily?" Emily nodded as she listened to the steady beating of JJ's heart "When you" JJ frowned slightly as she carried on ghosting letters along Emily's back making Emily chuckle against her skin "What?" she asked distracting her thoughts.

"Do you know what you're drawing on my back?"

Emily asked; as she tried to get closer to her friends form, she shook her head as she frowned more

"What?"

"If you're trying to ask me out you could at least wait till I'm not confined to a bed" Emily teased.

"Oh" she blushed deeply against her friend.

Kelly disturbed them from their thoughts as she brought in a tray of food. JJ moved slowly trying to get off the bed as Kelly raised her hand slightly "I managed to get you both something to eat" She smiled softly ignoring the blushing blonde.

Emily frowned as she saw; the Jell-O and what appeared to be mush on the tray that she placed on her table, which she moved across her stomach. "Let me lower your bed and sit you up slightly" Kelly said as she took hold of the bed controls.

Emily winced slightly as the tube in her side nipped her skin slightly and her bruised body adjusted "What's that?" she asked somewhat sceptical of the food that that was placed in front of her.

Kelly laughed slightly "its processed food that will be gentle on your stomach as your body has not had much solids in the past few days."

Emily groaned "it looks gross" causing JJ to laugh

"Emily, be nice or you may end up wearing it" she joked.

Emily rolled her eyes slightly "There any coffee?" she asked hoping they would allow her to have some.

"Just try and keep this down first, then we will see about fluids and maybe removing your IV" Kelly said kindly as she looked at the now slightly scowling woman.

Emily I just want to have a word with Kelly “I won't be long,” with that they both walked out of her room closing the door behind her, "How long until you remove the tube?" JJ asked

"Doctor Grant is hoping it can come out this afternoon"

JJ nodded, "Will she be able to be discharged soon?"

JJ knew Emily hated hospitals it was something the whole team hated, and she knew once Emily was able to leave the bed she would want to go home. "In the next couple of days" Kelly smiled "Once she is able to get herself out of bed, and her catheter has been removed, and she has managed to pass water she should be able to be discharged"

"Thank you" JJ smiled as she walked back into the room.

"Emily you're meant to be eating?" JJ informed her as she entered the room.

"It looks like baby food" Emily grumbled slightly. also not wanting to admit the fact she had been struggling to lift her weaken arms to be able to lift the spoon, which is normal after receiving electric shocks, JJ knew what the problem was, but also she knew Emily needed some control over her body and she would ask if she wanted the help.

Emily tried again gripped the spoon slightly, and dropping it against the table "Damn it" she cursed in frustration, before looking up at her smirking friend.

"You really are stubborn aren't you?" she said as she lifted the spoon off the table

"No, I just want to be able to lift a damn spoon to my mouth" Emily replied in a frustrated voice.

"Your muscles suffered and have weakened due to the electric shocks you received" JJ said softly as she lifted some food to her mouth

"Doctor Grant said you would or many lose some sensation, control and you may be not be able to feel if something is too hot for a while till your body fully recovers" she said honestly.

"Oh" Emily said as she passively opened her mouth allowing JJ to feed her.

* * *

 

 

** Location: Outside Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 24 December 2006 9.28am **

"Explain it to me again" Morgan said as Garcia dragged him to the car "how did you manage to get Emily's bank card again?" she frowned slightly as she looked straight at him.

"What you think I cannot be trusted enough with someone else's money?" Garcia glared at a very worried Morgan.

"I didn't mean it like that" He argued.

"Just remember I can wipe out that you have ever"

Morgan cut her off just before she finished "Okay..." he said holding up his hands "at least tell me where you are dragging me too?"

"We are going shopping my gum-drop"

Garcia drove them both down what; could only be, described as the most disgusting area in town "Are you sure you know where you're going?" He asked as he looked around at the shabby looking shops.

"You dare doubt me?" she raised her eyebrow at him as he quietened down "Wise choice" she winked pulling up outside a small building that didn't look like it could sell anything nice or that people ever visited.

"This my sweet sexy beast, sells the most mouth-watering chocolate a girl could dream off" she said softly as she switched the engine off.

"You sure about that, it looks like it belongs to the little shop of horrors" Morgan joked as he stepped out the car.

They walked into the dimly lit shop as the assistant greeted the "Miss Garcia" He smiled brightly "It has been along" he stopped abruptly as he spotted Morgan "Where is Miss Prentiss and Jareau?"

Garcia smiled softly "She was in an accident" she replied, "I am after some of them delicious truffles that she normally buys" he smiled softly as he walked to the back of the store retrieving a small brown box.

"Is it possible you can gift wrap it" she asked kindly.

"Of course, will you wish Miss Prentiss a speedy recovery from me"

Garcia smiled and nodded as she handed over the card "Of course"

"I cannot believe that cost $20," Morgan mumbled as the left the shop.

"Ah you have never tasted one of these though" Garcia grinned, "They are better than sex" this caused Morgan to chock slightly.

"Garcia I doubt that" she laughed slightly as they got back into the car. "So where to next" he enquired.

"Jewellery shop to pick up a necklace"

Morgan frowned slightly "Okay, how do you know which she wants and who is it for?" Morgan asked somewhat confused

Garcia explained what Emily's Mother had done for her as she pulled up near a very expensive jewellery shop "You're sure this is the place"

"Only the best for our Emily" Garcia replied "And of course JJ" she smirked

"You mean? They finally?"

Garcia laughed as she pulled out her camera "I caught it all" she grinned as she showed him what she had walked in on earlier

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 24 December 2006 12.08pm **

"Reid I am just going for a shower can you two please behave while I'm not around" JJ smirked just as Emily declared checkmate.

JJ stared at the board, then up at her grinning friend, then turned to Reid, who; was fixed on the black and white pieces.

"How did you..." he sputtered, shaking his head.

JJ shook her head, trying not to laugh, "Behave or I will ground you both" with that, JJ retreated in to the bathroom leaving Emily and Reid chuckling

"I demand a rematch!" Reid declared suddenly, "you must have cheated!"

* * *

 

** 12.33 **

"She beat you AGAIN, Reid. How does a normal mortal beat the super genius at chess, anyway? You are losing your touch?" Morgan said as he and Garcia walked into the room

"Hey Morgan, you want a game?" The dark agent looked from the board to the dark brown eyes, and then shook his head, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Hey, if you can beat boy wonder here, I don't have a chance. I'd rather be spared that."

"Afraid your fragile male ego couldn't take it?" Garcia teased, and he straightened to his full height, pointing a meaningful finger at her.

"You listen here, little lady. My male ego is quite secure, thank you very much. I just prefer not to go into something knowing I'll lose."

"Smart man," Emily retorted.

The brunette turned and grinned at Garcia "Did you get it all" she asked looking more like her normal self, the dark shadows lingering in her eyes and tension had seemed to have taken up permanent residence in her muscles. And judging from Morgan's understanding gaze when she glanced his way, they weren't fooled either, but no of them would say anything.

"Yes" handing over the bags for Emily to inspect.

Emily grinned brightly as she looked at the items in the bags "Thank you" she smiled at Garcia making Morgan shake his head "What?" Emily frowned looking at Morgan

"Expensive chocolates" he muttered as the two women started to laugh around him.

"Oh they are better than sex" Emily chuckled

"It's my turn to pick a game. I want to play poker," Emily declared as JJ appeared from the bathroom. She spotted the confused boys and the now blushing women.

 

"Did I miss something?" she asked.

Emily shook her head, "No you didn't miss anything"

"Reid?" JJ looked at him knowing out of there group he was the only one that could not hide anything.

"That can't be possible" he muttered as he looked at a very confused JJ, and the death glares he was receiving from the rest of his team "I never lose at chess" everyone let out a sigh of relief as Reid spoke.

Emily and the team laughed as Reid spoke as he then piped up knowing that JJ would join in with the card game they were all going to be playing "JJ cheats at cards!" Reid declared.

"JJ does not cheat" Emily said, as she glared dangerously at the young genius

"Emily" JJ warned noticing the look that Emily had on her face, she had seen it many times when Emily had spoken to unsubs and when her Mother had annoyed her.

Emily shook herself slightly before looking at him schooling and softening her gaze "Sorry Reid", she said softly

JJ sat next to Emily, which they all notice Emily try to get closer as they gathered around to play cards, after a few games and Reid complaining that she and Emily were cheating. Emily closed her eyes slightly as they all quieten down talking among themselves.

"Jennifer" she murmured.

Garcia overheard what she had mumbled and started to usher the boys out the door smiling at JJ. "We will call tomorrow" she said as they all headed out the room, leaving the two women alone as Emily moved closer to JJ causing her to blush slightly as she nodded at Garcia, before turning her attention to a very sleepy brunette

* * *

 

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 24 December 2006 3.27pm **

JJ ran her fingers down Emily's side as she whimpered slightly in her sleep; she started whispers softly in her ear trying to calm her slightly. Doctor Grant knocked gently as he walked into the room he placed his fingers to his lips as he checked the tube before smiling.

"Can you wake her please" He asked.

JJ nodded and slowly started to wake a very reluctant women up "Emily sweetheart wake up the doctor needs to speak to you"

"Mmm" Was all she heard.

"Emily" she tried again as the women mumbled trying to pull the blonde closer.

The doctor laughed slightly before speaking in a loud voice "If she doesn't have this out today then she won't be able to be discharged in the next couple of days" they both smirked.

JJ slightly chuckled as a half awakened Emily grumbled "WHAT!" her eyes snapping to the dark-haired man standing at the foot of the bed.

"That's one way to wake you up" He smiled at his patient "I just need to check the dressings on your chest and remove the tubing which I will have to use a local anaesthetic."

Emily still looked at him; as though he had three heads as the sleepy fog lifted and she was able to speak "I can go home?"

JJ laughed, "That is the only part you heard?" as she rolled her eyes slightly.

"Well, kind of, and what tube?" she asked somewhat confused,

"Remember I told you before about it,"

JJ shook her head slightly, the doctor walked over to the other side of her, she flinched slightly as he touched the blanket "Sorry" she said softly as she looked at him.

He smiled knowing why. "Oh, my wife does that, cold hands" he smiled as Emily relaxes as he joked. He slowly removed the blanket and yet again Emily averted her eyes away from her mutilated body, she was not able to look.

"You will feel a light scratch" He informed her as he injected the anaesthetic into her side. As he waited for the area to go numb he carefully started to remove the dressings as he spoke.

Emily was frozen, it was one thing Kelly doing this, another that JJ had seen her ruined breast and now a man was she shuddered lightly as her nails dug into JJ's arm.

"Doctor can you just" he saw the fear on Emily's face.

Even though her eyes, were closed "Emily, Look at me" she said softly as shameful eyes looked at her, "Would you rather I" Emily nodded before JJ had chance to finish she looked at the doctor who could see what was exchanging between the two women.

"May I see to the dressings" Her voice firm and sure.

"I need to check the stitches but you can" He smiled as he took a small step back allowing the smaller woman to take his place.

Emily closed her eyes as she felt soft fingers against her skin, the dressings being so gently removed, the doctor checked the stitches under her watchful eyes.

"They are healing well" He smiled as he touched the area he had injected to which he got no response, JJ applied the fresh dressings, covering her more private areas.

"You may feel a strange pulling sensation but it is nothing to worry about" As he explained this to Emily he managed to remove the tubing without either of them noticing, "Just a couple of stitches and you're all done" He smiled he placed the blanket back over her body and her eyes finally met his.

"How long, till I can go home?" Emily asked, she just wanted out of this place and to not have people coming and going all the time.

"You will be in for two more days, then your free to go" he smiled softly as he removed his gloves disposing of them and the tube in the medical waste bin.

"Oh, okay, thank you" she muttered.

"Emily what's wrong" JJ asked as the doctor left the room.

"I just want to go home and not deal with people around me all day"

JJ flinched at her words "Oh, I'll, I'm"

Emily shook her head "Jennifer, I didn't mean you" she smiled at her friend." Also I like waking up in your arms"

"So, when they finally let you out, are we staying at yours or mine" JJ smiled as she asked the question she had been working on all day.

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that" Emily admitted she knew she needed someone to stay with her for a while until she was able to manage to wash herself and dress herself. However, the thought of where or who never crossed her mind.

She debated it over in her mind for a while. JJ watched her seeing the internal debate she was having with herself "I think we should stay at yours more room" JJ said softly as she got back onto the bed.

This time Emily did not ask as JJ automatically wrapped her arm around her waist as she moved closer "Jennifer?" Emily said.

JJ smiled "Yes?"

"Will, I mean, if I was to" she blushed deeply before continuing, "ask you out, would you?" she finally asked.

JJ pulled her closer as she gently kissed her forehead "Yes" was all she could reply with as she gently peppered light kisses down towards her lips.

Emily moaned softly as their lips touched together "if this is a dream I never want to wake up," she said as she looked in bright blue eyes.

"Me either"

Hotch cleared his throat as he walked into the room "Sorry lady's" he smirked as JJ nearly fell off the bed.

"Hotch! I we were just" JJ stuttered as though she had been caught making out by her mother.

Hotch ignored the stuttering blonde as he walked over towards Emily "I hear your getting out of here in a couple of days" He smiled.

"Yes they said a couple of days" Emily half groaned.

"Well if you write me a list, I can go and get you some food in, since it is Christmas day tomorrow," Hotch said as he looked; at the still deeply blushing blonde. "Are you going to JJ's or to yours?" He asked

"Mine" Emily answered, "my keys are" Emily paused slightly "Sir?"

Hotch chuckled slightly "What you do in your personal lives is nothing to do with me unless it effects the way the team function's, you have mine"

"And mine" Rossi interrupted.

"Support" Hotch finished

Emily nodded "Thank You, JJ can, you?" Emily paused "Hotch I don't know where my"

"We found them at his" Rossi said and Hotch nodded.

"Oh" once again Emily couldn't look either of them in the eyes.

"Emily" Hotch said in a firm voice, still she looked away "Emily Prentiss" she shuddered slightly as she looked into his steady gaze.

"You have no reason to feel or be ashamed," he said firmly "And you do not need to feel embarrassed around myself or the team." he continued "Do I make myself clear?"

Emily looked into his eyes and she read his body "I…Yes"

"It will take time but not one of us will treat you any different" he smiled as JJ handed him the shopping list of the food Emily was allowed.

Emily sighed slightly as the two men left the room "How much of it did they see?" she asked softly.

"All of it and" JJ paused slightly as she looked softly into deep brown eyes "so did I" Emily nodded slightly.

* * *

 

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 24 December 2006 11.27pm **

Emily jerked awake, startled out a somewhat sound sleep, but she was not sure why or how. She looked around, getting her bearings and trying to locate JJ. The blonde was curled up against her side, whimpering faintly.

She sighed inwardly, realizing that the sound must have been what woke her "Shh, Jennifer," she whispered softly, stroking her arm, which lay across her waist, "I've got you." The blonde nuzzled against her neck, falling into a deeper, more peaceful sleep.

"Emily," she murmured sleepily, apparently slipping into more pleasant dreams, "they won't stop. Make them stop. They're making me dizzy."

"Yes, sweetheart," she replied quietly, trying to keep from laughing, "I'll make them stop."

"Okay"

Emily laid there just watching JJ sleep as she thought about the past few days and everything, which had happened to her and between them, and what she had gotten JJ for Christmas, she smiled as she remembered the first time she shared one of the truffles with JJ and Garcia.

* * *

 

They were having a blow out after a rough case. They had all piled into Emily's that night after one too many beers at their local bar. "These are the most beautiful things I have every tasted" Emily said as Garcia and JJ looked at her as though she had totally lost her mind.

"Emily, nothing is that good"

"they are better than sex" she retorted as JJ choked on her laughter,

"Then you have been doing it wrong" she said

"Agent Jareau, until you have put one of these on your tongue, well" she blushed deeply as her thoughts got rather rude.

She handed JJ and Garcia one each as they both raised an eyebrow at her "Surely they aren't that good" Garcia said as they both placed the truffles into their mouths letting out a small moan when the strawberry and chocolate exploded inside their mouths

"Oh..My..God" Garcia said as she moaned, "That shouldn't be legal" JJ said as she closed her eyes letting out a soft moan again.

* * *

 

Emily chuckled at the memory. "What do I do with you" she murmured.

"Let me sleep a little longer" a sleepy voice replied.

"Oh, sorry, did I wake you?" Emily asked as JJ woke up, gently moving into a more comfortable position.

"No, but you do think too much" JJ moved closer to Emily as she helped the older woman rest her good arm over her, so Emily could place her head on her chest since she always seemed more comfortable that way as both women drifted back to sleep.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: Christmas Day 2006 07.17am **

"Mm..." Emily murmured, coming out of a very deep sleep to find her-self-pressing into warmth, warmth that somehow snaked around to her front. The source of that heat mumbled in return, she; was torn between blushing and grinning and settled for doing both.

"Jennifer," she called softly, laughing to herself when she grumbled sleepily and held on to her more tightly. She whispered again. "Jennifer, it's time to wake up."

Again, all she got for her troubles were a soft, sleepy grumble and a leg tossed over hers, which clearly intended to keep her from moving, Emily stretched under the arm holding her, prompting the hand attached to it to take a more solid, possessive hold on the flesh it gripped. Despite herself, she gasped, drawing JJ into the waking world since words alone had not.

"Emily?" JJ said her voice groggy and confused, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she assured her quickly, although some part of her argued that 'fine' wasn't exactly the word for what she was, "You with me now?"

"Mm-hmm," She agreed sleepily, less interested in wakefulness now that she'd established Emily wasn't hurt or in distress, "Why are you awake, Emily? It's too early in the morning!"

"Jennifer, sweetheart, I'd love to stay in bed with you as long as you'd like," she replied carefully, all too aware of how true that was, "but I'm afraid if you keep doing what you're doing, there's no way we're seeing or speaking to anyone else today. And you also may get kicked out of the hospital"

"Huh?"

She brushed her hand against where Jennifer's was tracing under her nightshirt, blushing hotly as the calloused fingertips reached the base of her breast again and started working their way up and around it. Emily had woken to find; a very possessive Jennifer Jareau had claimed her breast.

"Oh... God... Emily..." the blonde stuttered when she finally realised what her hand was doing to the older woman, who by that time had lost much of her will to argue the point.

The realisation had come at the tail end of a soft moan, and the profiler could feel the heat of a dark blush burning her neck where her friends face was buried.

"I don't want to ask you to stop," she managed to murmur honestly, despite what most of her really wanted to say or do, "I would kind of prefer you didn't... But" Emily sighed softly "Dressings, stitches and pain killer's maybe a good thing right now."

Emily shivered as the hand in her shirt abruptly stopped and started to withdraw, and then hesitated, still touching the bare skin of her abdomen. "Emily, I..."

"It's all right," she broke in, quick to reassure her , she understood what had happened, "You can't control what your unconscious self does, Jennifer... and I can't exactly say I didn't like where that was going." Her thoughts trailed of somewhat.

"Emily let me check your dressings" she replied rather concerned, she nodded, as JJ reluctantly slid off the bed to check for any damage she may have caused breathing in relief she smiling at the somewhat embarrassed brunette.

"No damage" she grinned as Emily blurted out

"Happy Christmas"

JJ's eyes went wide "It's...” she paused slightly as she meet chocolate loving eyes. ”A very, very happy Christmas" she grinned, placing a soft kiss on her lips she whispered softly "hopefully many more to come"

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: Christmas Day 2006 7.39am **

JJ had finally stopped worrying that she had done damage to said area which she had at some point in the night claimed, she was just about to apologise again.

Emily cut in "Do I need to sedate you Jennifer?" in her most professional voice she could manage, which in fact came out as though she had been smoking 60 woodbines a day.

"Emily. When did I start to become Jennifer to you?" She finally managed to ask, it wasn't as though she didn't mine it, for some reason, the way Emily said her name made her shiver inside.

"I just. Well...” Emily paused for a while and looked rather perplexed at the smaller blonde as she just wasn't sure why or how let alone remember calling her Jennifer, ducking her head slightly she sighed softly "I'm sorry" she mumbled not meeting her eyes.

JJ smiled "No need for sorry and I really don't mind, you just only seem to do it when we are alone" she said honestly, making Emily back tracked to when in fact she started calling her Jennifer.

For the life of her, she just could not pinpoint or remember when it started. "You don't?" she asked pulling herself out of her thoughts

JJ smirked slightly as she moved over were the bags were place with the presents not even replying to her question. JJ frowned as she pulled them out the bag, which Elizabeth had bought there on the gift cards bold as day was her name **‘To Emily love Jennifer’** She frown not recognising the writing "when did" she stopped mid-sentence as a voice disturbed from her confused thoughts.

"Jennifer what's wrong" she asked.

Shaking her head slightly "remind me to write a big thank you letter to your Mother" she blushed slightly as she took hold of the bed controls so Emily could sit up.

Emily frowned slightly "what did my Mother do?" she enquired.

JJ smiled softly "Oh she just" she paused as she placed the bag on her bed, she handed her the card that her Mother had wrote.

Emily struggled to open it, though she refused to ask for help, JJ chuckled slightly as she watched "you're so stubborn"

Emily grumbled "no I'd just like my fingers to be useful" she laughed as the words fell from her lips, as JJ turned bright red. "Yes!" Emily grinned as she finally managed to open the card

_"To my dearest Emily._

_I hope you have a lovely Christmas and you recover soon._

_I hope I didn't offend Jennifer._

_If you and Jennifer haven't by now sorted yourselves out I will disown you for letting a lovely lady such as her slip away._

_I am so proud of you. I know I don't tell you often enough, and remember Emily. You can let someone in without your world falling apart,_

_Love, Mother X"_

Emily eyes watered as she read the card the words her Mother had said. "Emily?" a somewhat concerned JJ said as she watched the play of emotions cast over her face.

Shaking her head softly she smiled "Sometimes my Mother" she held the card out for her to read.

"Oh, I" JJ chuckles "She has a good point"

"Am not the only one who normally runs when someone gets too close Jennifer." Emily raised her eyebrow as to challenge the other woman.

"No I am just picky" she retorted.

"Is that what people are calling it these days?" Emily joked.

"And maybe you will pull all them walls down for me one day" JJ said softly.

"Right I have presents for you" She said changing the conversation quickly.

She gently placed four items on to the table, which she pulled over the bed, blushing slightly as Emily read one of the gift tags "Jennifer. When did you"

"I didn't" she smiled "Thank your Mother" she chuckled.

Emily took her time opening each one gasping as she held up a set for matching underwear "Did, who, when?" she stuttered out.

"Hotch, Garcia and the others. Your Mother sent them" JJ chuckled as Emily turned red at the thought of Hotch picking these out for her.

"Oh!"

"I think Pen got them" she smiled as Emily started to open the next one, grinning widely as she opened it to reveal her favourite perfume

"Jennifer" she whispered. "Thank you"

JJ smiled back softly "You’re welcome"

Emily frowned slightly as she read the card that was attached to the next gift

"Emily?" shaking the thoughts from her mind.

Emily read it out loud. "For when your thoughts get too much" no name written on it, she opened it slightly wary before smiling as a leather-bound dairy appeared.

JJ asked to look at the note and chuckled when she saw the handwriting "Rossi" she murmured.

"Jennifer, can you pass me the bag that is under my bed?" Emily asked as she ran her fingers down the smooth leather book.

JJ retrieved the bag that; had been hidden under what looked to be a thick coat. "This bag?" she asked holding it up.

"That would be the bag."

She handed over the bag "Emily you haven't opened the card" JJ smiled

"Oh, I didn't see it"

This caused JJ to laugh, "You mean you didn't seen a big pink envelope sticking out under the boxes" she joked.

Emily blushed as she started to open the card, grinning as she read it "To my special friend" which had Emily giggling "Garcia" she laughed out knowing that only their brightly coloured friend would pick out a big ‘me to you’ card that had "To my special friend" on the front and inside "Because I love you, signed Jennifer"

JJ had the good sense to blush deeply as she read the words aloud, "Thank you" she smiled. "Can you…" she paused as JJ saw what she was trying to do.

"Would it be easier just to sit the bag on the table" she teased helping her place it so it wouldn't fall.

Emily rolled her eyes slightly as she carefully pulled out one of the presents for JJ she grinned as she watched her open it, "Truffles" she half moaned "Mmm, better than sex"

Emily chuckled slightly "Didn't you once tell me I was doing it wrong when I said that" she teased the blonde.

"That was before I placed it on my tongue and was blown away with the taste" she said as she moaned slightly at the thought of the truffles running down her throat.

"Morgan doesn't believe us" Emily joked.

"He's a man, her would never understand the just heavenly flavours; these induce on someone senses" placing the truffles down she opened the next present.

JJ looked at the small box and shook it slightly "Careful might break" Emily chuckled as JJ was acting like a big child.

She carefully removed the wrapping which revealed a small box she gently opened it letting out a small gasp, as she ran her finger gently over the sliver necklace "It's beautiful" she smiled as she looked at Emily with unshed tears "It's too much" she whispered.

"Nothing is too much for you" Emily said honestly.

Once they had both opened their gifts JJ laid back down on the bed half curling herself into Emily "You okay?" she asked as JJ just nodded into her neck

"Perfect" she mumbled

* * *

 

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: Christmas Day 2006 10.39am **

"Jay" she stopped mid-sentence and looked at the peaceful sleeping blonde that was wrapped somewhat around Emily's form, Emily looked up to where the noise had come from as she shook her head "How long she been asleep?" Garcia whispered.

"About an hour" keeping their voices low as to not disturb the sleeping blonde Emily tried to smile, which failed.

"How you doing, really Emily?" she asked looking straight into her eyes.

"I don't know," she murmured. Slightly tensing and gripping the blonde at her side, which made the sleeping blonde stir slightly.

"Mmm Emily"

Garcia chuckled softly "She talking in her sleep again?”

"She has been doing it a lot" Emily said somewhat sadly.

"Emily what is it?" She tried again as Emily's walls went back up.

The only person Emily had opened up to was Morgan, he was her partner and always had her sixth "I'm fine" she said weakly.

"That's bull" came the gruff voice making both women look at who had spoken.

She tensed slightly at his words, which he noticed as he smiled knowing she would talk to him in time "Merry Christmas" he beamed at the two women, and a now grumpy blonde who had been disturbed.

"Can you all just shut up" came the sleepy voice that belonged to a rather grumpy JJ

"Jen…JJ" Emily stumbled over her words "be nice" causing the two others in the room to giggle,

"She never was great in the morning," Garcia said in a chirpy voice.

JJ lifted her head up scowling at her friend "and can we also, not do this today" she mumbled as she had heard half of what she had asked as she glared at Garcia

"Sorry" she mouthed.

Morgan felt the tension that had somehow formed in the room as he spoke "I have gifts" he smirked.

Emily rolled her eyes speaking softly "shouldn't you all be" she paused slightly. "With your" again she stopped "family!"

Making a now familiar voice speak a little too loud "I thought that was what we were" Rossi said as he walked into the room.

She smiled as softly as she could, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable under the watch full eyes of her friends. "Guys can we just" JJ cut in as she started to get up off the bed.

Brown eyes watched her move as JJ got the bed controls moving the bed up so Emily could sit up "thanks, JJ"

Just as a very bouncy child ran into the room making everyone jump and Emily wince slightly "Happy Christmas" he shouted into the room followed by a very harassed Hotch.

"Jack, keep your voice down, please" he said softly.

He eyed Emily up for a moment before he walked over to the bed "Daddy said your poorly" he said a little sadly; for all the will in the world Emily smiled warmly at Jack

"I'll be better soon" she said as he tried to climb onto the bed.

"Jack be careful, Emily is very sore" as he looked apologetic at her

"So I made you a card to help you feel better" Jack beamed as he held out the card which was of Daddy.

Emily couldn't make out what else he had drawn "Thank you" she smiled as JJ placed the card on the table next to the others.

"Can I have chocolate now?" he asked a very bemused looking Emily.

Hotch walked over to his son and Emily, as he spoke softly "Merry Christmas" picking Jack up off the bed "I can't stay long" he admitted as he placed the gift on the table "I picked it" Jack grinned happily.

Emily looked at JJ as she tried but her fingers failed to open it, looking back no words were said; as JJ helped unwrap the gift, which was a lovely snowball of the capital. "Thank you" she smiled at Jack.

"We best go" Hotch said as Jack reached down to hug Emily, which made her wince as he caught her chest.

"You okay?" JJ whispered knowing that Jack had in fact caught the stitches causing her a lot of pain as she forced a smile onto her face.

"Just fine"

Garcia handed Emily the card; which with JJ's help she opened, and made everyone laugh when music came out of said card "trust you Pen" JJ said as she giggled slightly.

Morgan handed her his present as a very wary Emily eyed it up before looking at him "It won't bite" he smirked.

"You have said that to me before" Emily muttered as she remembered when he had given her a present which she managed to get her finger caught in causing her to curse at him.

"Wasn't my fault you poked it before you opened it" he retorted which caused two confused women to look at them both.

"You're the one who took it out the box put batteries in it"

"Morgan what the hell did you buy her?" Garcia said.

JJ's mind went very deep into the gutter at the comments said "just Electric Shock Memory Game" he smirked.

"Which hurt like hell when I poked it" she grumbled.

"Well at least it was only your finger" he joked which made her and JJ tense, "Shit, Emily I didn't"

She shook her head "its okay" she was getting sick of people walking on eggshells with her even though she knew she hadn't and wouldn't deal with it yet.

She unwrapped it somewhat gingerly and half her fingers didn't want to co-operate with her "Wow!" she gasped as a seemly trashy romance novel was in front of her,

He smirked "see I do listen to you" he mocked.

"And there I was thinking you just agreed with me to shut me up" Emily grinned.

‘These two shared more than I thought’ JJ thought to herself as she looked between them both.

"And you can repay me later" he winked.

"JJ comes for a walk with me?" Garcia asked after watching Morgan; look seriously at Emily, "I am sure these two can be trusted to be alone together"

JJ nodded before looking at Emily "You'll be okay?" she asked.

Emily chuckled slightly "We have been left alone before and for long periods" Morgan said at a now blushing blonde.

"Go on" Emily smiled as the two women walked out the room leaving her alone with Morgan.

"So Prentiss how are you really?" he asked in a very serious tone.

"Short or long version?" she asked, she trusted Morgan with her life her secrets her worry's and mainly everything and she trusted him to not let her get hurt.

"Either works for me" he said as he sat in the chair next to her.

Emily sighed as she tried to put words to her thoughts "Did, do you" she sighed loudly.

"No, I don't," he said; "I could never look at you any different you're like a sister to me" he smiled. "Why can't you let her see you Em?" he asked the concern on his face.

"That's the problem she has seen me"

"No that's not what I asked and you know it" she frowned slightly "You don't let her see you, the scars are going to be there, and that won't change, but Emily your heart hasn't, don't push her away to protect yourself or to protect each other it's just wrong"

"I just, it's that" she stumbled over her words again as the fear showed on her face,

"Emily she won't judge you and you of all people should know that" he smiled "Now tell me details" he grinned.

Emily stared at him "we've kissed and that's it, I Morgan this is new to me and you know how I feel about her, I just hope it's not pity" she finally admitted.

He rolled his eyes "for a profiler you can be really thick at times Prentiss," he mocked her. "Have you never noticed how she looks at you?" he raised his eyebrow before carrying on "Em if those eyes could undress you. You’d be naked in the bullpen everyday" she blushed as he grinned at the thought of her naked.

"Morgan" she warned, "don't go there"

"Sorry!" he ducked his head slightly. "Can you blame me?" he chuckled, she shook, her head slightly.

"Boys!" she mocked.

Just as JJ and Garcia returned, JJ looked between them both seeing the worried look on Emily's face before the walls came back up.

"What have you said to her" JJ demanded as she glared at him dangerously.

"He hasn't done anything" Emily said a little stronger than she had been "I just want to go home" she pouted, tomorrow just could not come fast enough.

* * *

 

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: Christmas Day 2006 4.27pm **

"Em, what were you and Morgan talking about?" JJ finally asked her as everyone had now left them alone.

"Oh, nothing" she muttered.

"Okay" her voice somewhat hurt.

"Not here JJ" was all Emily could say, she really didn't want to have this conversation which may result in her being left alone in a hospital.

"Jen...JJ?" she muttered.

"Yes?"

"Help me get up? Please?" she asked a somewhat reluctant blonde.

"Are you sure you should be" she faltered realising that Emily would know if she was able to stand on her own two feet.

"Rather try while we are alone," she admitted

"Can I at least check with Kelly, that it's okay for you to get up?" she asked looking slightly concerned at her now very guarded friend, the walls had come back up and Emily had now retreated somewhat into her mind

Emily's expression was still soft but the walls were back up as she started to flinch slightly when JJ touched her, she saw the hurt look in her eyes, but she just couldn't help it. What Morgan had asked her, had her doubting herself and questioning how she could care so much.

Everything had changed so much and so fast; she had gone back to being 'JJ' and not 'Jennifer' and for some reason it hurt like a knife in her heart. Just what had happened in that hour? She asked herself as she walked out of the room.

JJ sighed slightly as she walked out to the nurses' station to speak to Kelly, who agreed to come into the room and help Emily try to stand. "Don't try and push yourself too fast" she warned, they were still unsure just how much her balance and strength had been effect.

Kelly helped her swing her legs over the side of the bed, Emily gasped slightly as her legs touched and the stitches rubbed against each other at the top of her thighs.

"Son of a" she stopped as more walls slammed down inside her. JJ went to help her up which was swiftly rebuffed by a now very closed off and guarded Emily.

"Sorry" she mumbled as she back off from away from her, as her heart broke a little more, as the words fell from her lips.

"I'll wait outside" she whispered as she gathered herself and retreated to the corridor not giving Emily or Kelly chance to say anything.

Emily kicked herself mentally as she started to push everyone away and push JJ further away from her; she just did not want to be hurt or pitied by anyone and especial from JJ.

The words played in her mind ' **Why can't you let her see you'** played repeatedly as she struggled to find her feet, on what were now very shaky legs, which nearly gave way underneath her

"You can wait if you want and try later" Kelly said, she knew something had changed and Emily seemed to be fighting herself and everyone that was near her as Emily replied in not such a nice tone.

"I can do it" she hissed out.

Today of all days the terror of everything that had happened hit her like a ten ton brick. And she couldn't do anything to stop it, there were no compartments she could hide it away in.

There was only anger and fear as she tried to keep her balance before her legs gave out, luckily, she was still next to the bed, which caught her as she fell. Kelly smiled sadly at the woman who had seemed to be doing so well, and no had retreated away from the world.

* * *

 

"Just what the hell did you say to her Morgan?" JJ said with a very venomous fire in her voice.

"Nothing" he defended himself.

"You must have, she can't even look at me, so much so I am stood in a corridor while someone else helps her get out of bed" she shouted into the phone just as the build-up of tears she had been holding back exploded into a somewhat shocked Morgan's ears.

"JJ I didn't, I don't know"

Morgan scratched his head as he motioned to a now very curious Garcia as he placed the phone to her ears and listen to a very teary and by the sounds of it heartbroken JJ. She grabbed the keys and dragged Morgan out the door as he tried his best to calm her down.

JJ found herself outside the hospital, making her way to the bench she sat down in the cold, just trying to work out what has happened. 'Maybe she doesn't want me' she thought to herself as she sobbed.

Garcia saw her friend as they pulled up "Morgan give me your coat" there JJ was sat outside with nothing more than a t-shirt on.

She shivered into herself as the voice startled her "You trying to catch your death woman?" Garcia asks as she wrapped a thick coat around her "JJ!" she said softly; as JJ gave no response "Jayj?" she tried again.

"I blew it Pen" she sighed slightly her eyes bloodshot from crying "I should never have told her" she lean into her best friend as she wrapped her arms tight around her.

"Shh JJ, we will get to the bottom of this" she said softly.

"Pen, how did you"

"Morgan" she cut in, shaking her head as she looked up to just find her and Garcia alone

"Where is he?" she asked.

"Where do you think, he is the only one that can get through that thick skull of hers." Garcia said as JJ looked at her in shock.

"No! Garcia. He just, no" she shook her head.

"Me and you are going to grab some food and then we will go see her and JJ she opens up to him more than any of us knew" she said honestly.

* * *

 

Morgan leant against the door frame as he studied a very closed off Emily who seemed to be lost in her own world, clearing his throat as he walked in.

"Are you a total idiot Prentiss?"

Which earned him daggers which he brushed off "You really want to push her so far away that you lose yourself?"

Morgan knew her he could read her better than most but that was what a partner had to do, they had to know each other inside out and these two did, as she scowled at him.

"Leave it" she said curtly

"So you want me to leave you to brood in your own misery?" he asked before adding, "Just clarify that for me?" He was pushing her buttons trying to get her to break and he knew how to do it all too well.

"You want to shut everyone out because you might get hurt, so instead, you wrap yourself, so tightly into yourself, I am surprised you can breathe," he said a little coldly

"Morgan I am warning you," she said somewhere between hurt and angry.

"You can't keep running and if you want to run you will be alone, maybe you like being alone, and brooding, which isn't a good look" his face had no emotion, very unreadable for Emily to even know why he was pushing her.

She turned her head away from him, as she closed her eyes. "Seriously Emily, do you not see what you are doing to yourself?" this got her attention somewhat.

"I am not doing anything" her voice very detached from her.

"Are you not seeing what you are doing to JJ?" he said a little softer

"I am doing nothing to her" she half shouted.

"No you're not, you are just playing with her emotions and ripping her heart out, why don't you just kick her instead, it would be far less painful" Morgan half growled

"You are not the only person suffering here, I know what has happened to you is awful and if I could change it I would, but I can't, but I won't sit back and watch you hit the damn self-destruct button, that you seem so hell bent on pressing"

She sighed internally "Morgan, Just"

"No! Emily! You have to let someone in sometimes and right now her heart is breaking and I cannot watch you do this, to yourself, to JJ and let alone to each other" the worry evident in his voice "You love her, what's the problem" he asked

"You asked me why I can't let her see me" her voice full of unshed tears "She has seen me"

Morgan furrowed his brow slightly "Then what is it?"

"I can't even….I haven't" her words came out as a stuttering sob as she tried to explain.

"You really think she is going to look at you different?" he frowned slightly "Prentiss, that girl doesn't know how to look at you any other way, other than undress you with her eyes" the tears fell as he spoke.

"I look horrible" she blurted out.

Morgan rolled his eyes "Don't get on the self-pity train, or I will find a nice 2x4 and smack you with it" he joked slightly. Emily half smiled at his attempted at a joke.

"She'd kill you, if you did that" she admitted.

"Emily if you keep pushing her away, you will wake up one day and she will be gone" he said firmly.

Emily just realised how she had been with her "Oh, God! What have I done Morgan" she looked at him as the tears rolled down her face.

"Em you've hurt her" He admitted "And only you can fix it" he smiled weakly at her "talk to her," he whispered softly as he heard two very familiar voices coming down the corridor.

* * *

 

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: Christmas Day 2006 20.27pm **

Emily looked at Morgan slightly wide eyed as she heard the very noticeable voice of Garcia and JJ "What do I say?" she murmured to him.

"That you're an idiot, would be a good place to start" he mocked her.

Just as JJ and Garcia walked through the door, Unsure brown eyes met hurt blues eyes, it broke her heart she had caused this, she had hurt her and for the life of her, she did not know how to fix it or even start.

"Well?" Garcia said as she looked at Morgan, who smiled softly taking her arm and leading back out of the room before she could say anything else.

"Derek Morgan!" she choked has he got out of earshot of the room.

"They need to talk, not have you yell at her" he said in a soft voice.

"You think they'll make it?"

He half smiled "She's got a long way to go baby girl, she's hurting a lot" was all he said as they left the hospital.

* * *

 

"Jay...” she stopped slightly unsure as what to say.

"When did I stop being Jennifer?" the hurt in her voice hitting Emily like a knife, she sighed as she tried to meet her eyes but failing.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled "I...” JJ looked sadly at her for a moment.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked trying to keep herself together as Emily started to say something.

"Morgan asked why I don't let you see me" she looked down and then away.

She could look at her it hurt too much, "That's the problem you have seen me"

"Why is that a problem Emily?" JJ asked a little confused.

"There is... Part I keep hidden" she sighed as she struggled to keep herself together.

"If I open them up if I let that part of me go and you see it" she turned and looked into sad blue eyes "It's the part I hate about me, I hate that you care, I hate that I need you to care, I hate the fact that I can't bare my own skin." JJ frowned slightly; as Emily rambled.

"I'm dirty" she finally let out in a heart-wrenching sob.

JJ stared for a moment as the words finally registered with her "Emily" she moved closer as the brunette broke, her face and persona that everyone saw was gone, her feelings and emotions that she kept so tightly wound in, were naked in front of a very concerned JJ "Emily" she tried again.

Her eyes were empty as she sobbed uncontrollably, her fingers dug into her skin as she tried to wrap very sore arms around herself "J….Jennifer" she said in a rush

"Look at me sweetie” she said softly, she still hurt but she was understanding, what and why Emily had pushed.

She couldn't look she didn't deserve to she mocked herself, herself pity party, herself hatred, was showing and she was raw, she was broken, scared and more than anything she was dirty in her eyes.

"How can you" she shook her head trying to clear her mind but finding no release, no escape away from what was coming.

"Emily, please look at me" her voice conveyed every emotion, every fear as she spoke, deep blank eyes looked at her as though she was standing on the edge of the abyss and couldn't find her way.

It was as if any moment, any touch she was shatter and that scared her, she had never seen Emily so hurt so distant, no expression or light in her eyes. She slowly made her way over to her watching her as she did; she carefully touched her so softly on her arm it was like a feather running against her skin.

Emily; was trapped in her mind, in her thoughts, in the darkness; she just did not know how to come out of it. She looked at the fingers that were so softly touching her it made her flinch slightly.

"Shh" she whispered as she moved closer "come back to me Em" JJ said softly as she gently cupped her uninjured cheek.

"I'm not running" she said softly "I'm right here" she murmured as she wrapped her arm around a very broken Emily "I've got you" she said as she ran her fingers though her hair pulling Emily closer to her.

As she pulled Emily closer, finally resting a very distant Emily on her chest it came out a though a tidal wave had erupted around them.

She broke her heart as she clung on as though her life depended on it, crying uncontrollably and even JJ knew there was nothing she could do to comfort her, only hold her so she did not fall more.

"You're okay Emily, You're okay," she whispered as she held her tight and as close to her as she could.

She had never seen Emily so vulnerable, as she was right now, no walls, no compartments for her to hide away from the world, she was vacant, empty, But JJ only saw this as strength as trust, Emily had taken her walls down whether she meant to or not.

JJ carried on holding her tight rocking her back and forth in comfort as she played with her hair lovingly "Come back to me Em" she whispered "I'm not going anywhere" she promised.

Slowly the sobs slowed into more of a hiccup as she tried to stop herself from being too open. "Sorry" she as the sobs slowed, she instinctively went to pull away but one word made her stop.

"Don't" JJ said softly as she held onto her tighter.

She tried to clear her mind, her thoughts but she was numb and full of shame "forgive me" she whispered so softly JJ only just managed to hear it

"Shh" as she rocked them both slowly waiting for Emily to come fully back to her and not this shell of herself that she had become.

JJ knew she'd have dark days when the memories became too much, she just wasn't ready for it when it happened, it had been such a great day, and now Emily was holding onto her as though her life soul depended on her holding her, grounding her, as though she alone were stopping the nightmare taking her fully.

"J...en…nifer" she stuttered out between the heaving of her chest as the sobs died down.

"I've got you" Emily sighed softly as she tried to keep from falling again, "you got a little lost in there" she said softly as Emily nodded against her, though the walls never came back up, which JJ was grateful for.

"Talk to me" JJ asked softly "tell me" Emily knew what she was asking and she shivered slightly against her "Shh" she whispered feeling her shivers "when you're ready, okay?" Emily nodded still not ready to move, for right now she felt grounded and safe and the memories where at bay.

Gently JJ managed to get Emily to lay down even though she never fully let go of her; as she climbed onto the bed pulling Emily close to her.

"Just rest Em" she said softly as she ran her fingers through Emily's hair "Close your eyes" she whispered "I'll be here when you wake" she promised as Emily relaxed into her touches and body drifting off to sleep, JJ closed her eyes as she too let the slumber claim her.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 26 December2006 5.47am **

JJ woke feeling more tired than she had this whole last week she was drained, both physically and emotionally, and part of her knew it was not going to get any better anytime soon, but she was there.

She was in it for the long haul, but getting a very scared and emotional Emily to see this, she shook the thoughts from her mind. Hoping that when the brunette woke the walls that she hid behind would still be down for her and that maybe she would let her in and help her.

Today only two things could happen; as far as JJ was concerned and they were either, she would be, let in or shut out. And she really hoped for the latter.

Carefully she climbed off the bed and quietly walked into the bathroom, turning the taps on, as she waited for the water to warm she looked in the mirror, she studied herself.

Sighing softly **'this is going to be hard'** she muttered to herself

As she stripped off and stepped into the lovely warm shower, letting the water run over her as though it was cleaning and healing wounds no one could see, a moan escaped her lips as her muscles relaxed under the spray.

She started to think back to what Elizabeth had said **'don't hurt her'** she could never hurt Emily. She shook her head slightly as the blank look that had fallen in Emily's eyes came into her mind.

As though she could see her right now, she had seen that look before, hell her in her job she saw it every day,

She had even seen it in herself once. She shook her head as her mind turned back to when Emily had found her in that barn and when she walked into the bathroom, she could have shot her that day.

All she could hear were them dogs and she could have sworn she saw in that mirror, were the snarling dogs, but when she turned round it was Emily.

No judgement was in her face no questions; were ever, asked and she could understand. ‘How she could just accept that I could have shot her because I could not see passed them dogs?’

Her mind went back to Emily's Mother again, as the water ran over her face, how could I hurt her, how could anyone hurt her? There was something behind the comment something she could not pick out but the way she said it made her think Emily had been hurt badly in the past.

Slowly she turned the taps off before stepping out of the shower, slowly drying herself before finally getting ready, **'At least she was going home today'** she mumbled to herself.

Wrapping the towel around the base of her neck so her top did not get wet, she opened the door and stepped back into the room, where she could hear silent mumbles coming from.

Slowly she walked over to the bed, gently moving the hair that had fallen over Emily's face behind her ear as Emily continued to mumble.

Caught between; a dream and where she really was Emily's mind thought against its-self as she struggled to work out what she was truly afraid of.

 **'she's seen me'** she mumbled **'seen mutilated parts'** she frowned at the thought of her body; and what it had become **'she's touched me'** a soft sigh slipped from her lips **'wish they were real touches'** she mumbled **'I just can't look at me'** it came out in a sigh, as she felt something rock her shoulder slightly

"Shh Em, it's okay, wake up" JJ said as she could partly work out what Emily had been mumbling about and she knew if she didn't wake her now Emily would keep trying to punish herself, even in her dreams. "Emily it's time to wake up" she whispered into her ear "you can go home today" she carried on trying to wake her.

Waking Emily Prentiss up was never an easy task, you could light a car bomb off and she would sleep through it.

JJ had learnt this early on and she learnt that Emily could wake up and think the person who was waking her was an unsub, which Morgan had explained once when Emily had given him a black eye.

"Em….Wake up" she said slightly louder as another mumble slipped from her lips **'I'm scared'**

"Emily" she said more firm,

 **'Baby'** JJ frowned slightly, yes here Emily was mumbling to herself in her sleep **'how do I'**

"Open your eyes Em" JJ tried again as she rocked her a little firmer.

"Mmm" she murmured as she finally started to wake though not fully.

"Emily I have coffee" She tried again.

"Mmm" was all the response she got.

She rolled her eyes slightly "Emily."

"Mmm…hey"

JJ shook her head slightly "Finally you are waking up there Prentiss!" JJ scoffed slightly, as dull brown eyes slowly opened.

"You say something about coffee?"

JJ giggled slightly "Oh, you heard that part" she rolled her eyes as Emily became more awake, there was a blankness still in her, her walls weren't up and right now she weren't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.

"Oh. Sorry" Emily said shyly as the sleepy haze was lifting from her eyes.

JJ half smiled at her, their eyes not fully meeting as Emily started to stretch slightly, "I'm sorry Jennifer" deep sad eyes look straight at her.

It was like JJ was able to see her soul the deepness in her eyes the pain, her walls hadn't gone back up, JJ smiled softly, yes she was still hurt and confused slightly, but she also knew that once they were out of this hospital they would talk and hopefully Emily would open up and let her in.

There was a knock on the door as both woman turned to see who it was Kelly walked into the room "Good morning" she smiled carrying the tray in "I brought you both some breakfast and coffee" she said softly as she placed the tray on the table.

"Thank you" Emily said softly never meeting her gaze, she was too raw and too open, and yet she didn't want to shut herself off.

She had tried that last night and because of it she had hurt JJ, so she kept her eyes downcast for that reason, she did not want to feel or be seen as weak and broken.

JJ smiled softly at Kelly "Thank you, Is she going to be allowed home today?" JJ got straight to the point.

"Hopefully by this afternoon" she replied

"Thank you" she smiled.

"Right well I will let you lady's eat and I will be back soon to check your dressings and to remove the catheter" she said softly before leaving the room.

She watched Emily for a moment before sitting down near her "Jennifer?" Emily said somewhat unsurely

"Yes?"

"Can you, would you" she stumbled over the words, JJ stayed still and quiet as she waited for her to work out what she was trying to say.

"Can you help me?" she asked weakly, JJ smiled softly at her as she gently took hold of her hand

"Okay"

Emily closed her eyes slightly as she turned to look at her, "Please" she said as she opened her eyes and looked straight into JJ's

She broke her heart she could see the turmoil, the hurt, and the fear in them and laid out for her to see, no walls were up, she was open or as open as Emily could be right now, she smiled softly as she picked up the cup and held it to her lips.

* * *

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 26 2006 9.22am **

They had both finished their breakfast and JJ had started to pack things away into their bags, nothing was said there was an uneasy silence that had fallen between them both, Emily was too raw and exposed and JJ just waited for her to push her away again.

"Jennifer?" she said softly.

JJ looked at her for a moment and nodded slightly "Yeah?"

"Are you still" she paused and looked down at her hands, she didn't deserve her kindness not after the idiot she had been, but also she was scared to be alone and right now she felt she had no right to ask, she fell silent picking at the invisible lint that seemed to apart on her covers.

JJ stood up and walk slowly over to her "I'm I still?" she pushed.

Emily looked at her sadly the walls fully down, JJ felt she could peer right into her soul. They; were both pulled out there thoughts at the sound of a now very familiar woman.

"I just come to change your dressings and run through your care and also I've put a rush on your medication so hopefully you should be out of here by 1pm," Kelly said brightly as she wheeled the trolley over towards the bed.

Emily closed her eyes slightly as she tensed up "Shall I?"

JJ started but was cut off straight away "Jennifer, don't go please" her voice held so much emotion in it that even Kelly stopped her movements.

JJ smiled softly "Okay" she walked back towards Emily and ran her fingers through her hair, Emily leaned into the touch slightly.

"I just need to lift the blanket" Kelly said as she slowly lifted the covers off her and opening the buttons on her top.

Emily shivered slightly as she tried to get closer to JJ "please" she whimpered.

"Emily?" JJ said so softly and very concerned, Kelly started to gently, remove the dressings, which caused Emily to flinch badly "Emily?"

"Please!" the tears laden in her voice.

JJ frowned slightly as Kelly backed away from a shivering Emily, JJ spoke very softly and moved slowly "Em, do you want" JJ never finished as she saw Emily nodding as though her head was on a springboard and nodding of its own-accord.

JJ gave Kelly an apologetic look as she walked around the bed to the trolley "You're okay if I do it" it was a question; but one that didn't really need to be asked.

As JJ gently took over, she flinched slightly as JJ removed the dressings on her chests her eyes closed, as JJ hummed softly as she cleaned around them.

She dried around the stitches and moved slightly; so Kelly could look at them before she re-dressed them, gently she fastened up the buttons before pulling the covers back over. Emily stayed still and quiet through it all.

"JJ I need to remove the catheter and" she paused as they both saw Emily shake.

"Emily" JJ said softly giving Kelly a weak smile as she did, "Do you want Kelly to take the catheter out" she paused as she waited for Emily to respond.

She nodded as JJ continued, "She needs to change the dressing and clean" JJ froze as Emily shook her head violently never making a sound as she did.

Kelly watched, **'she had been doing so well up until last night'** she thought to herself.

"Emily it needs to be checked and clean" she said softly as she run her fingers gently through Emily hair.

"You"

JJ frowned slightly "Me?" she said slightly puzzled before Kelly cut in

"Emily, if I remove the catheter, will you let JJ clean around your stitches and place a fresh dressing on?" JJ looked at Kelly and then back at Emily who was now nodding in response.

"Okay" she smiled, JJ whispered to Emily as Kelly removed the catheter as gently as she could as Emily let out a small gasp when the tube was removed "All done JJ" Kelly said.

"Okay Em I'm just going to" she paused as she started to very gently remove the dressings that covered her core. She gently cleaned the area placing a smaller dressing on than before, which meant Emily, could go to the toilet, "All done sweetie" she said as she covered her back over.

"Thank you" Emily whispered but still she did not open her eyes.

"JJ can I have a word please?" Kelly said softly as she started to move the trolley out of the room, JJ nodded.

"Emily, I won't be long okay" Emily slowly opened her eyes turning to look at JJ she nodded before turning her head slightly away again.

JJ followed Kelly out into the corridor "JJ is everything alright?" Kelly asked.

"She just had a rough night that's all" JJ said she knew why Emily was so jumpy.

"Are you sure, because if she isn't we need to know, it will"

"Kelly I promise she is fine and she will do a lot better once she is home" JJ smiled softly "Is that all?" she asked and Kelly nodded as JJ walked back into the room.

Closing the door softly behind her she walked over toward Emily "Je...nni...fer" she stuttered out softly.

"Em, look at me" she shook her head slightly.

"I'm sorry" her voice so broken so raw, JJ wasn't sure what to do she had never seen Emily like this.

She walked over to her running her fingers through her hair "Emily"

"Forgive me?"

JJ lowered her head and kissed Emily gently on the forehead. "Sweetie we will talk when we get home okay" she said sincerely "We are just waiting on the medication and then we can go. I am going to ring Morgan to come so he can give us a ride to yours" JJ said soft but firm

"You sure you want to, I mean"

JJ smiled sadly "Em I can't say you didn't hurt me, because you did, but I also wouldn't walk away from you, over that" JJ sighed softly.

Emily looked at her and shook her head "I don't deserve you" as she looked away

"I think the sooner we are both out of this hospital the better and then if you're up to it we will talk, no rush, no pressure, whenever you are ready, Okay?"

Emily nodded "Okay" JJ smiled.

"Just let me ring Morgan" she picked up her phone as Emily gripped her arm gently.

"Jennifer, before you ring him can" she blushed deeply "Help me dress?"

JJ smiled softly as she placed her phone back down "Of course I can" JJ helped her sit up pulling out a clean baggy top and pants for her to wear. She gently undid her top before removing it, helping her to zip up the top she had found, since anything that could go over Emily's head, was a no go, as it would burst the stitches.

JJ gently cupped her cheek to get her to look at her instead of at the wall behind her "Don't shut me out okay"

Emily smiled weakly at her as she spoke "How can you look and not be repulsed?" she asked honestly causing JJ to frown deeply at her

"Emily, you think because of this" she motioned her hands to her chest and lower body "I'd turn away and never look at you again?" she shook her head slightly.

"I'm dirty" there it was; that word again **'dirty'** JJ looked at her for a moment before realising what she meant. And what she had; in fact trying to tell her.

"Emily, don't you ever think that, I could never think that about you"

Emily starred at her blankly for a long moment before nodding "But I am" she said weakly.

"Shh" she soothed "Not here okay, we will talk when we get you home" JJ assured her. Last thing she wanted was for Emily to completely withdraw into herself and the longer they were here the more likely Emily was going to retreat into herself.

"Em I need you to stand for me" she smiled warmly at her trying to pass as much strength as she could to her as she help Emily sit up fully with her legs over the side and JJ holding the tops of her pants so when she stood all JJ had to do was pull them into place.

Emily placed her hands onto JJ's shoulders as she placed shaky feet onto the ground "thank you" she muttered as JJ helped her to stand, as Emily took her in her arms for this first time since; she had been taken. She smiled feeling Emily as she held her not daring to move as she knew any moment could cause Emily pain.

"Em" she said softly as the brunette nodded against her.

"Sit down please" Emily looked at her sadly "Shh, it's only because I need to ring Morgan to get us okay" she reassured her.

* * *

 

 

** Location: Sentara Potomac Hospital **

** Date and time: 26 2006 12.22pm **

Emily was silent as Morgan and Garcia seemed to busy themselves around her, JJ looked at her concerned; she had not spoken a word since she had changed her dressings and she had rung Morgan.

To JJ, she saw it as a black cloud had fallen around her, and she knew that she had to get her away from here, somewhere she felt safe, and somewhere she knew, not a hospital bed where people came and poked her, checked her body, which JJ noticed Emily couldn't even look at herself.

When she had helped her change her clothes she had kept her eyes closed, hardly speaking, but she wasn't guarded she wasn't hiding away she was open and raw and this worried her, it was as though she had got lost in her mind and she needed to be helped back.

"I have got you're medication Prentiss" Morgan said softly before turning to the other two woman around him "You two go to the car, we will be there soon" he promised,

JJ hesitated slightly "Are you sure?"

Morgan nodded, he knew how to deal with her, or he hoped he did. "We will be right behind you" he promised as they left the room.

Garcia glared slightly at him, before she noticed the very blank look on Emily's face, she was use to her being alive with fire, not still and quite.

Morgan turned his attentions back to Emily "Hey, you getting lost in your head again?" he asked. Emily just nodded slightly "Come on let's get you in this chair" he held out his hand which she took with a little hesitation.

"Have you two spoke, at all" he said as he helped her into the wheelchair"

"No" she said sadly.

"But you will right?"

"I just want to go home Morgan" she pleaded with him.

"Okay, but try and let her in, you can't do this alone no matter what you think or feel," he said firmly, she squeezed his hand slightly and nodded as he started to wheel her down the corridor.

The drive was quite for Emily' she just stared out the window watching, as the other three of them chatted among themselves, as he pulled up outside the apartment, he looked at her "Let me help you inside"

Emily shook her head and turned to look at JJ her eyes pleading for something, for anything really, she smiled back "Can you two take the bags and I'll help Emily in" she said softly as she got out the car and walked over to Emily's side.

Wrapping her arm gently around her waist, as Emily seemed to be holding on for dear life, "Em?" she whispered softly; to which Emily gave a soft smile.

"I like it when you do that" she almost husked.

"Do what?" she questioned.

"Call me Em" JJ held her a little tighter; as they slowly walked up and into the apartment complex.

Emily's eyes went wide as they walked into her home, everyone was there, a banner saying welcome home; but it did not feel like home, it never had, it was just somewhere she slept, unless they were on a case.

Her grip got slightly tighter on JJ as she shyly walked in, she faked a smile at her friends, hoping they would not notice, but she knew they would, they were not profilers for no reason, and they were good at their job.

"Welcome home" they all smiled at her, as she faked a smile back.

"Thanks, it's good to be home" JJ felt her tense slightly.

As everyone chatted around them, she was tired she was sore and more importantly she just wanted to be alone away from everyone. She needed to think, she needed to clear her mind, so she could **'talk'** to JJ.

**_'However, that was not going to happen anytime soon. JJ helped me over to the sofa, I winced as I sit down, she heard it and before I knew it JJ had gone, and then reappeared with water and painkillers._ **

**_I look at her, to see how she knows, but I know why she knows, it is because she knows me, she sees me, and I for now only see her.'_ **

"Jennifer"

**_'I mumble softly and she seems to know what I want and what I need as she takes the seat next to me wrapping her arm around me as though she is protecting me from everything.’_ **

**_‘Do they all notice when they are looking at me? Do they only see what they saw on that damned TV? Or can they see passed it, because I can't not yet, I lean against the soiled form next to me, as my eyes start to shut, I feel naked in front of these people, my family, I can't meet their eyes and I am sure that they see._ **

**_I can open up to Morgan, but the rest I hide away from safe in her arms, but yet, I'm still hiding from her, what am I afraid of, what is it she sees? She looks at me and I see no pity, no condemnation._ **

**_I see understanding and hurt, and I'm the one that put the hurt there, it those now somewhat dull blue eyes, a tear roll down my cheek as I try and hide in her neck, are they staring at me? Alternatively, do they know why I am clinging to her?’_ **

**_‘She seems to pull me closer as though she knows what it is I am thinking, Am I that transparent for her to see, and why is she not running?_ **

**_Her fingers gently run through my hair and I feel her lips on my head, I do not move, I am safe in her arms, but the guys are here and she's not hiding or pulling away?_ **

**_I feel dirty, unclean and ashamed, I should have known better than to try to drown my sorrows alone in a bar! I should have known better than to have a drink with him, I knew he liked me, god why did I flirt back, oh right I know why, she had flirted back and I was not sure if she meant it or was just doing it for fun._ **

**_Just how can I be me? It feels like I am missing something and I can't see it, can't feel it, she moves slightly and I grumble, she whispers something, but I'm so lost right now the words don't even register with me as she moves away from me, I feel cold and alone and I miss her strong touch, that grounds me._ **

**_I feel a hand on my knee as I jump at the touch I hear her say'_ **

"It's only me"

_' **I relax again under her touch; my eyes remain closed I'm too scared to look, she touches my cheek and I lean into it so naturally.'**_

"Open your eyes Em"

_' **I smile I like how she calls me Em, I trust her just like I trust Morgan, but why is it so hard to let her in and see me?**_

**_She asks me again to open my eyes, but I cannot because everyone will see, that I am broken inside, she whispers again into my ear.'_ **

"Come back to me Em, I sent them home"

_' **It sounded like a plea, and I remain frozen leaning into her touch and she now tells me.'**_

"Look at me"

_' **Slowly I open my eyes as I speak.'**_

"Jennifer?"

_' **I ask I need to know my mind is not playing a cruel game on me.'**_

"Open your eyes and see for yourself **"**

_' **Her voice seems flat as though she's waiting for me.**_

**_I open my and I see, I see her, I see the fire the love and care all in her eyes._ **

**_As I shiver and stutter her name'_ **

"Jen...ni...fer"

_' **Is all I can say, as the flood gates finally open as I stammer'**_

"Help me"

* * *

 

 

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 26 2006 15.30pm **

JJ smiled warmly at her as the words **'help me'** played over again in her mind as she took her hand in her own "Always sweetie" she said softly, "But first you need to eat okay" she smiled so softly, it made Emily hold on tighter

"Okay"

Emily's wall never came back up to JJ's amazement. Totally unguarded; and trusting; it made her smile inside and questions herself. She always seemed to know what to say to people, how to help them, it was her job after all, but this was new, not because it was someone asking for help but because it was Emily asking for her help, not Morgan's, not her Mother, but hers.

For the first time in a week there was a peaceful silence between them; squeezing Emily's hand softly she rose from her knees placing a soft reassuring kiss on her cheek.

"Em, I'm just going to go and fix us both some food, Hotch went shopping for us" Emily kept hold of her hand as though she daren't let go "Shh, it won't take long I promise" as she slowly removed her hand from Emily's grasp.

She knew even though they needed to talk, Emily needed to eat and not, be pushed; too hard or too fast and the first step; had been made Emily had asked her for help.

She spoke softly but loud enough for Emily to hear her as she walked over to the kitchen. "You know I remember the first day I met you," she smiled softly before she carried on. Even though Emily never answered, but she could see her watching her listening to her voice as she mulled around the kitchen.

"Hotch asked me to go through all the policies and procedures and I will be honest after Elle, I was reluctant, thought you'd be one of these people who was full of themselves, I judged you before I laid my eyes on you," she shook her head slightly.

"There you was standing at my door so shy and nervous, I looked at your goofy smile as you kept pausing as you looked at me as though you was profiling me. And for some reason I never minded, I got so wrapped up in you I haven't even offered you a drink until you said." She paused for a moment as she started to put things into the oven and started again once she it was in.

"And when Garcia walked in, you changed as though, you couldn't relax, but you stole my breath that day Emily, and you stole my heart.

“The first day we had that case, the guys seemed to except you easily even though Spencer was a little off handed with you for a while, and yet you carried on, you even tried to help him"

JJ jumped slightly as she was rambling she had not seen or heard Emily walk up behind her, as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

"I'm sorry" she said softly.

"Emily, don't"

"I am, I pushed you, I hurt you, and that isn't right" Emily continued, "I want to let you in so badly it hurts, but I'm scared" she sighed softly as she leaned into the blonde.

"I need you Jennifer; I can't lose you" she whispered.

"Where do you think I'm going to run to Em?"

She shook her head "I don't know," she admitted as JJ turned in her arms to face her

"I told you I love you Em, and that hasn't changed" she said softly as she looked into deep brown eyes, she smiled softly, her walls were no longer there, it was as though she had come back to her but her voice wavered slightly still. She was unsure and JJ knew she was.

Emily made a sort of weak but honest joke "I don't know how you can stand so close to me, I must stink."

JJ laughed softly "You are a little ripe" she smirked slightly as the tension lessoned, so it was an easy flow; "Let's eat first" she looked deep into her eyes.

"And if you want, and you feel up to it, I will run you a bath, since Kelly said it will be fine now" JJ watched her as the flicker of doubt crossed her face at the thought of being completely naked as she murmured

"Only if you are with me?" It came out as a rush. JJ nodded in response not sure, how Emily really meant it.

Her voice was unsure as she asked "how can you look at me?" her eyes were sad and as unsure as her voice.

JJ smiled warmly "Your still Emily, you have just been" she paused trying to find the correct words to use.

Emily's eyes went downcast slightly as JJ found the words even though they may not of been the right ones "I see, I've felt it, but I've also seen your heart and I can see passed what your too scared to see" she said honestly

"Does, I mean" Emily stumbled badly over the words she was looking for. "I need to see"

JJ searched her face and her eyes she swallowed hard. "Okay"

Emily was so close to her and she did not know how else to express everything, her feeling; her doubts her fears the sickness she felt in her stomach so she took a chance. She leaned in closer to her until their lips brushed and she kissed her so softly full of emotion, full of trust as JJ kissed her back with just the same amount of pure raw emotion, pulling back slowly Emily met her gaze

"Thank you"

JJ kept her focus on Emily keeping hold of her in her arms as a tear rolled down her cheek "I love you" Emily whispered but her eyes were sad as JJ cupped her cheek running her finger gently over her lip causing Emily to shiver slightly.

"Shh, I know Em" she smiled as she kissed Emily so softly and so gently Emily felt her world spin.

As long as JJ was there to guide her, she could do this. "Let's eat first okay sweetheart," JJ said sweetly as she kept her gaze as Emily nodded.

Placing a soft cushion on the stool JJ helped Emily sit down as she went back to cooking their meal. Once she had plated the food up and set it down taking the seat next to Emily.

Emily gently took her hand in hers "Can you forgive me?" she asked as she interlaced their fingers squeezing gently as JJ smiled looking at her.

"I can forgive you if I knew what I was forgiving you for?"

"For hurting you" Emily admitted "Morgan told me a few home truths" she smiled weakly.

"Em, I can forgive you for that, but I also know it may happen again and you won't be able to control it but I will ask one thing of you" Emily nodded watching her "don't shut me out, even if you can't find the words, okay"

"Okay" Emily replied. Emily frowned slightly as she went to pick her fork up "Did Hotch make this?" she asked with a sceptical look.

JJ laughed "Yes, but since Jack is alive and well, his cooking mustn't be that bad" she smirked as they both settled into silence, as they ate.

* * *

 

 

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 26 2006 19.24pm **

As JJ finished washing and drying the pots, Emily became more quite, more withdrawn, she walked up behind her wrapping her arms around her neck resting her chin on her shoulder as she whispered into her ear "You don't have to do this Em" she said so softly

Emily shook her head, before she spoke "I need to" JJ smiled, she did not know if this was too soon, or how Emily would cope and deal with what she saw.

"Okay" taking her hand so gently, "Are you going to manage the stairs" she had totally forgotten about her weak muscles as she guided her to the bottom of the stairs.

"Two choices haven't I," she said dryly.

"I could always ring Morgan and he can carry you up" Emily looked dangerously at JJ, as she started chuckling "I'll take that as a no," she said as she laughed.

Emily took hold of the banister and slowly made her way up stairs as JJ followed behind her "Em," she said softly once she got upstairs "Where's the bathroom?" Emily chuckled slightly forgetting the blonde had only use the toilet and never even seen her bathroom

"It's in my bedroom" she said softly "Jennifer, I know this may sound, as though, well," yet again she stumbled as she tried to ask, she hated being so vulnerable and weak, she sighed softly.

"I'll go and run the bath for you, Just don't do anything," JJ said firmly, she had never seen this side of Emily and she wasn't sure if she should worry, or not,

Emily sat slightly on the bed suddenly finding her nails more interesting as she started to pick at them, JJ watched her from the bathroom for a moment before walking over to her steadying her hands in her own.

"Em, stop, you have nothing to worry about" she said softly as Emily's hand stilled into hers.

Emily looked at her so deeply JJ thought she was trying to find something that was not there. She looked at her for a long moment; before speaking, "Is the bath running?" her voice was unsure and she hesitated slightly

"Jennifer, can you help take my, top off"

JJ smiled softly "Come with me" she smiled as she stood up pulling Emily to her feet, she lead her into the bathroom so she could keep an eye on the tub filling up.

JJ carefully turned to look and more study the woman who was in front of her, slowly her hands reached for the buttons, keeping her gaze fully on Emily's eyes she unbuttoned the shirt, as Emily's hand flew up gripping her wrist to stop her.

"I...I…can't" her eyes were wide and scared as JJ stopped straight away, she placed her hand on her cheek gently rubbing her cheekbone

"It’s okay" she said softly

Emily sighed, "Can we turn the lights off, please?"

JJ nodded, "Em, have you got a candle?"

"Drawer next to the sink" she said weakly.

JJ pulled out the candle and lit it, as she turned off the lights she sighed before turning around in the dimly lit room "That better?" as she walked back over to a dishearten brunette.

She nodded, as JJ returned helping her out of her clothes, talking her hand she helped her step into the water and sit down "Comfy?" JJ asked, as Emily closed her eyes turning her head towards the side anything so she did not have to look, or see.

JJ got the cloth from the side, as she poured some shower gel onto it and lathered it up "Do you want to" JJ ask, and she got a shake of the head in response, JJ kept her movement slow and gentle, as Emily's skin was still slightly raw and sore from where he had rubbed her skin nearly bare.

Emily whimpered slightly as JJ ghosted the cloth over the top half of her body, before making her way down her torso, Emily's hand flew down gripping her wrist so tightly.

"Em, Shh, I'll stop"

"I can't, I...” she squeezed her eyes closed as she shuddered.

"I know and it's okay" JJ reassured her.

"Baby steps, okay, there is not rush alright" she place a gentle kiss on her forehead, as Emily shivered slightly "But Em, your hair really does need washing" she joked as the sobs started to slow into hiccups.

Emily was not one to give control over to anyone, but right now she needed to let someone take the control away from her; and the only person she would allow near her, was JJ.

She started to relax as JJ massaged the shampoo into her hair, as she began to risen it out, "Em," JJ said softly as she could see her totally relaxing and the last thing JJ wanted was her to fall asleep in the bath.

"Mmm"

"Come on let's get you out, before you catch a chill"

Gripping the towel and placing it over her shoulder she started to help Emily up, as she kept her eyes closed not want to catch a glimpse of her ruined body in the mirror.

She helped Emily out of the bath wrapping the towel around her body "I need to turn the light on okay" Emily just nodded as JJ blew the candle on and flicked the light switch.

Wrapping her arm around her waist, she guided the silent brunette into the bedroom towards the bed.

Once Emily was sat on the bed she walked to the drawer pulling out some grey sweats for her to wear, using the spare towel she slowly started to dry her legs, Emily for her part closed her eyes again as the shame washed over her.

Gently she removed the towel off her as Emily tried to protest "lights" Emily, muttered as she gripped hold of the towel.

"Okay" JJ replied softly.

Once the lights were out and the room was dark aside from the shimmer of light, which emanated under the bathroom door, did Emily finally allow JJ to remove the towel and dry her mutilated body.

"I just need to put some cream the doctor gave me" she said calmly knowing Emily might not allow it, but she sat there so passively as though she was numb.

"I'm sorry" she said softly once her top was finally on and the lights had turned on she looked at JJ.

"I just, I'm not ready” she finally admitted.

"I know" JJ said softly, as she helped a very docile Emily into bed wrapping the covers over her, JJ went to leave, and go to the spare room.

"Jennifer" Emily took her hand not wanting to be alone, JJ looked at her for a moment "stay?" she asked.

JJ nodded slightly before she spoke "Okay but let me go and get changed" she replied softly, Emily nodded letting go of her hand, as JJ walked out the bedroom and into the spare to get dressed.

Running her fingers through her hair as she tried to steady her thoughts and feelings, pinching the bridge of her nose before returning "I can do this" she said softly to herself.

Emily watched her as she entered the bedroom her eyes tracking her movements as the mattress dipped slightly as she got in pulling the covers over her.

"Hold me?" Emily said softly "please" Emily lay on her side as JJ curled into the back of her burying her face into Emily's damp hair placing a protective arm around her waist.

Emily sighed softly never in her life had she needed someone as much as she need JJ right now.

Her anchor, her strength, and her protection, which JJ gave her as she held her in her arms, she thought to herself, she didn't know if this made her weak in JJ's eyes, but she was to ashamed in her own skin to even care.

"Shh," the voice from behind her said as soft fingers ran through her hair as she whispered into her ear so softly "close your eyes and stop thinking" JJ whispered as she pulled the brunette closer to her, hoping they would both sleep peacefully tonight.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed part of Emily's and JJ's pasts.

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 27 December 2006: 02.01am **

JJ woke with a start; she naturally reached over for Emily, thinking she was having a nightmare, but the bed was cold with no Emily.

She groaned inside, as she looked at the clock illuminating she sighs softly "Ugh! 2am" she muttered before hearing it again the noise that had woken her from her sleep.

Her eyes followed the noise not fully registering what she heard as the sleepy haze still covered her eyes.

There it was again that noise she turned over to put the side lamp on to help wake her fully before turning back to make see if Emily was even there.

She froze her eyes focus on the white bed sheet and this time the noise she heard registered as she took in the deep colour of red on the sheets she cursed to herself, "shit." slowly she got out of bed and followed the distinct noise of running water.

Slowly she walked over to the bathroom door gently knocking as she walked in, she felt her heart sink at the sight in front of her.

"Emily." she whispered as she rushed over to the shower cubical, "Em" she never looked at her or let on that she knew she was there.

She carefully put her hand under the spray as her heart sunk more, the water was ice cold, and Emily was still in her nightwear.

"Emily" she tried again as she turned off the freezing water, Emily just stared her eyes empty and blank, JJ took hold of Emily's hand.

She winced slightly feeling how cold she was and how her body was trembling "Emily can you stand up sweetie" JJ said softly as she gripped the other towel off the heater.

Emily passively followed the lead of JJ, "Em, stay with me" JJ pleaded knowing from the distant look in her eyes, that she had retreated into her mind, this scared her more than Emily pushing her away.

Gently she wrapped her in the towel tightly not even trying to take the clothes off her, as she guided her back into the bedroom, sitting her on the chair near the vanity.

JJ sighed softly, she needed help, and she knew she was going to regret doing this but the only person, she knew could help was Hotch, but that had to wait until the morning.

"Emily, I need to get you out of these clothes okay" she said softly as she gently started to unfasten the soaking top off her "Damn it" she cursed under her breath, Emily's skin was pink with the coldness of the water, **'just how long had she been in there?'** she thought to herself.

Emily sat there shivering and too docile even for JJ's liking, she flicked the heater on full trying to warm the bedroom up more, last thing they needed was for her to catch a chill.

Gently she started to dry her skin hoping it would warm her up slightly, as her body trembled under her touch, she dried her hair and placed a fresh top on her before trying to get her to stand so she could change her pants.

JJ could see where the blood had come from and it broke her heart, slowly Emily stood as she allowed JJ to dry her most intimate part, she ignored the blood that smeared onto the towel, right now all she was concerned with was getting her dry and warm, it could wait till morning.

She helped Emily into the fresh warm bottoms taking her into her arms as she held her close "I've got you Em" she whispered trying to get some sort of response but nothing came. "Just wait there a second" JJ went to move as ice cold hands took hold of hers.

She looked straight into deep chocolate eyes, searching for any sign that Emily was there with her. A weak voice spoke so quietly JJ only just heard it "save me"

JJ stared at her for a moment, before she realise she was trapped in her nightmare, so fully detached from where she really was, placing her warm hand against Emily's cheek she nodded before speaking.

"You're safe Em" she said firmly, but softly before wrapping her arms around the shivering form before her, Emily was lost in her mind and thoughts, and all JJ could do for now was hold her close and pray this cloud would pass.

She had an idea of what had made Emily retreat into her mind, and she hoped if she could just get this woman back into bed and in her arms, she would feel safe again, and not caught in the terror that her mind held.

She guided her back into bed getting a somewhat docile Emily to rest against her and her head in her chest so she could feel her heart beating in a hope it would help soothe the terror in her mind.

JJ fell asleep a short time later, but her hold on Emily never altered keeping her close to her and her arms around her as her fingers played with her hair.

* * *

 

** 08.22 **

"Mmm" Emily mumbled as a shiver left her body, causing JJ to stir, the sun shining through a gap in the curtain lighting up the room,

"Em" she mumbled as she started to stir more.

"J...ennifer" Emily let out in a soft sigh, JJ kept still as she carried on playing with her hair. "Love you," she whispered so softly, a warm smile spread across her lips.

JJ felt soft lips touch her chest as her stomach fluttered slightly, she kissed her forehead as Emily moved as close as she possibly could, "Jennifer" slowly she opened her eyes.

"Morning Em" she said softly.

"I'm cold" pulling JJ closer.

JJ sighed softly. "Let me make you some coffee to help warm and wake us up" Emily nodded against her as she loosened her grip of the blonde.

Emily winched slightly as she started to get up, her whole body was aching and she was cold down to the bone as she shivered. JJ ran her hand down Emily's back as she got up "And you need your painkillers" JJ smirked as she sat up.

"I know I'm sore," Emily admitted.

JJ got up wrapping the dressing gown around her, “I'll go and make that coffee and get you your medication" she smiled as she walked out the room and head downstairs into the kitchen.

* * *

 

Emily got up slowly after JJ had left; she carefully pulled her dressing gown around her as she slowly made her way downstairs. Carefully she walked into the kitchen standing there for a moment as she listens to JJ on the phone.

"No, I am serious, she was freezing Hotch, and she is not much warmer this morning, can you please bring us some soup and electric blanket?" there was a slight pause "Thank you, see you shortly," she said softly as she put the phone down.

She walked further into the kitchen before speaking "Jennifer?" making JJ jump slightly

"Jeeze Em," she gasped as she turned round.

Emily smiled weakly as her "sorry"

JJ chuckled "No you're not" she smiled softly.

"What did Hotch want?"

JJ swallowed slightly "Em, I found you in the shower last night" she looked straight into her eyes keeping her gaze "Do you remember?"

Emily shook her head, "I remember feeling I was"

JJ nodded knowing, "The water was freezing"

Emily nodded. "Sorry"

JJ shook her head "I couldn't reach you Em and I hope you don't, and I just needed to speak to someone." JJ admitted; which made Emily smile softly and for the first time since finding her the smile reached her eyes.

JJ finished pouring the coffees before placing them on the breakfast bar for them both "How do you fancy pancakes for breakfast" JJ smiled.

"Sounds good to me"

"Then pancakes it is"

"What time is he coming?" Emily asked.

"About 20 minutes and he's bringing Jack, if you're okay with that"

"That's fine"

"I promised him pancakes" JJ chuckled as she got everything ready for breakfast

"Best not disappoint him then" Emily winked at her.

* * *

 

 

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 27/12 2006 09.02am **

They sat there in comfortable silence for a while Emily was lost in her thoughts as she spoke aloud "There is blood on the bed" she said it as though it was an absent thought.

JJ smiled sadly, "I know I'll sort it after breakfast," she said as just a she stood to turn the cooker on pulling the frying pan out.

"Sorry" Emily watched her for a moment.

"I feel lost Jennifer," she said softly, "do you think less of me?" the question caused JJ to turn round and stare at Emily for a moment before she walked over and cupped her chin.

"I could never think less of you" Emily frowned slightly as she looked into swirling blue eyes full of understanding.

"I need you to do something for me, please"

JJ nodded unsure where this might lead to, "can you make me an appointment to see someone?"

JJ smiled warmly at her as she half chuckled, "I have already asked Hotch to sort something out for us both"

"Oh."

JJ smiled softly "Emily you are my best friend, but I'd like for it to be more" dark eyes looked at her as though she was trying to see is there was any hesitation.

Or if JJ was just saying what Emily had dreamed for a long time "I've, you, I mean" Emily blushed deeply as she stumbled over her words causing the blonde to panic slightly,

Emily cupped her chin as she moved in closer, as their lips touched Emily poured all the love and care in to it trying to express her feeling which words couldn't describe or she couldn't say, she pulled back slightly.

"Wow" JJ said breathlessly "that was amazing" JJ blushed deeply.

"You're the one who is amazing" Emily said softly.

JJ stood there for a moment before the knock on the door pulled her away "Jennifer" Emily said as JJ retreated towards the door, she turned slightly to look at her "I'd like more as well" she said softly.

JJ blushed slightly as she opened the door to a very hyper Jack and a bemused Hotch. "How is she doing" he asked softly as walked in.

"She doesn't remember last night" JJ replied sadly. He nodded as they made their way into the kitchen.

"Jack!" Hotch said a little shocked "I asked you to be-careful with Emily. She still is poorly"

Emily looked up at him "I told him it was okay," she said softly as Jack sat there with his head down.

Emily wrapped her arms around the small boy that sat in her arms "He's fine Hotch" she smiled warmly as jack turned his head as he study her.

"You got a booboo" his eyes looking straight at her neck.

Emily nodded softly trying not to think about it as Jack leaned up and kissed it softly "Mommy always gave me a kiss to make it better."

She smiled at the innocence in him "thank you."

JJ and Hotch looked at her for a moment "pancakes" Jack said loudly as he bouncy slightly on Emily's knee, causing her to wince slightly.

"Jack come on get down" Hotch said as JJ handed Emily some painkillers, as JJ started making breakfast for them all as Jack watched on.

Hotch shook his head "Prentiss, can I have a word please"

"Sure" Emily carefully got off the stool as her ribs were hurting after Jack bouncing on her.

She followed him into the living room as they spoke softly "I have arranged for you to see an outside counsellor, I feel this might be best, but you still have to see the internal one."

Emily shook her head slightly "Thank you" she looked down slightly "Hotch" she bit her lip slightly

"You know you can always talk to me, when does your physiotherapy start?"

"I think Jen...JJ said in a couple of weeks after my stitches have come out" Hotch nodded

"Good" he smiled softly "And Emily, look after her as well" she nodded and smiled softly.

"I will".

They both made their way back into the kitchen as JJ was plating up their food "Coffee?"

Hotch laughed slightly "Please" he smiled as he sat next to his son "JJ, I have managed to get you a couple more weeks off"

She nodded "thank you" she said softly as she sat next to Emily.

"So what are your plans today?" Hotch said as he raised his eyebrow, which made Emily go very quiet.

"We haven't got any"

"Well it won't do either of you to stay cooped up in here all day" he looked at them "I heard Garcia say something about movies at hers"

Emily looked at JJ "You should go" she smiled softly, the hesitancies betraying in her eyes.

"I'll think about it" she raised her eyebrows at Hotch slightly as they all began to eat, as Jack placed more maple syrup on to his pancakes.

"Mmm" he said as he wolfed his food down.

"Jack slow down you will make yourself sick" Hotch said softly.

After they had finished their food Hotch and Jack said goodbye before leaving "You know where we are if you need any of us, do not hesitate to ring" he smiled as JJ closed the door behind him.

* * *

 

Emily sat on the couch picking her nails as JJ sat beside her taking hold of her hand "You need to stop that" she said firmly looking at her fingers, Emily had picked them that badly parts had started to bleed.

Emily looked into blue eyes as she spoke "You know your amazing" JJ blushed slightly but shook her head "listen to me please" Emily continued.

"You once asked me how I can do the job and not flinch and that I compartmentalize everything" she swallowed hard. "I can't do that this time Jennifer and I don't know what to do or how to get" she paused finding the invisible lint on her pants more interesting.

"I close my eyes and I'm back there," she sighed "it makes me sick to my stomach" tears swelled in her eyes as she spoke.

"The beating" she closed her eyes as she tried to find balance in her mind "I guess I could cope with" she paused again. "But when he took that whip and" she paused again.

JJ gently placed her arm around her rubbing her back gently as she waited for her to go on "That was the worse pain I've ever felt," she sighed "I ashamed, and I don't know if I was ashamed because he violated me or because I was unable to stop it" she rambled slightly as her voice hitched.

"I kept thinking of you and the team, every time he came in or he touched me" as tear started to roll down her cheek, but she was adamant. She was doing this as she pushed herself "He touched me in places and I just couldn't stop it" she pulled away slightly from JJ.

"I don't know if I am pissed at what happened to me or pissed at myself or the fact I was too weak to stop it," Emily wrapped her arms around herself as though she was hugging and holding herself together.

She sighed again as she finally looked into blue understanding eyes as she blurted the words out in a heart wrenching sob "he rape me and there was nothing I could do" JJ wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"I know, but you have to stop blaming yourself Em" JJ rested her cheek against hers "He took part of you, but you can either let it eat away at you. Or you can overcome It." she paused slightly, "it will never go away but it does get easier Em I promise you," she kissed her gently on her cheek as she held her in her arms.

"How do you know it gets easier Jennifer, how can you be so, sure and understanding?" Emily asked between the hiccups and sobs.

JJ pulled her close "It doesn't matter how I know that it gets better, you just have to trust me on it," she whispered.

"You can't control what has happened, but you can control how you deal with it" she smiled softly as she thought of an idea "Em, do you trust me?" more seriously than Emily has ever heard her spoke before.

"Yes, with my life"

JJ smiled softly, "Then come upstairs with me and let me help you get through the hardest part"

Emily frowned slightly as she became confused **'help me?'** she thought to herself as JJ took her by her hand "Okay" she said weakly allowing JJ to guide her.

* * *

 

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 27/12 2006 11.42am **

JJ lead Emily upstairs feeling slightly nervous and hoping she was right in what she was about to do and wary of the reaction she might get for it, they walked into the bedroom, JJ let go of her hand and walked over to shut the curtains.

"Jennifer" Emily said getting scared and more confused when the room filled dimly as the sun casted a dim shadowy light into the room making it so they could only just make each other out.

"Stop looking so worried" JJ smiled as she took Emily to stand in front of the full-length mirror.

"I can't" Emily said slightly starting to panic, as JJ placed herself in front of the brunette so she was leaning against her.

"I know you can't" JJ paused slightly as she held the brunettes eyes in hers.

"When you look at me what do you see?"

Emily studied her for a long moment "Intelligent, beautiful woman and your kindness"

JJ smiled softly and nodded "I see the same in you" she said calmly as she reached up to the buttons on her top.

"Jennifer?"

JJ held her gaze "Would you think less of me or think I was ugly?"

Emily frowned slightly as she watch JJ unbutton her top "Never"

JJ nodded "What if my body was lace with scars?" she asked

Emily looked at her confused "Scars?"

JJ nodded as she lent more into the solid form behind her "Scars" she said softly as she started to open her top. "You want to know why I know it gets better and easier," she asked softly as she started to remove her top.

"Because your Jennifer and you know everything" Emily said still holding her eyes in her own not watching JJ remove her top, JJ chuckled softly as she took Emily's hand in her own keeping her gaze with Emily, she placed her hand on her stomach.

Emily frowned slightly as she felt a bumpy line that seemed to travel the length of her torso "Jennifer?"

She smiled softly "Do you feel that?" she asked as she still held her gaze

"Yes"

JJ nodded slightly "Emily run your fingers down my back" she asked softly.

Emily nodded and did as JJ had requested, "What happened?" Emily asked as she felt more bumps and lines marring all over JJ's back. She looked straight into Emily's eyes.

"Now what do you see?" JJ asked firmly,

Emily frowned slightly "I see you the same as before" JJ chuckled slightly as she nodded.

"You see Em, it doesn't matter what the outside skin looks like, and it is what lies beneath it that matters," she said calmly.

Emily frowned as she asked again, "What happened?"

JJ shook her head slightly "It isn't important what happened, it's important that you can see passed them," she whispered as Emily wrapped her arms around her tightly.

JJ moved slightly to turn the light on so Emily could see properly, as she walked back in front of the mirror.

Emily again reached her hands around her pulling her close as her finger ghosted over the scars that lined JJ's stomach, before leaning back and doing the same with her back memorizing every mark, every line.

Emily held her gaze again before she spoke "Is that why you always changed in the bathroom, when we would share a room" Emily asked softly.

JJ nodded. "That and the fact I wanted to jump your bones."

JJ chuckled, "Can you see past these scars?" she asked.

"Yes you’re still beautiful and amazing and" she blushed "Stunning woman who I fell in love with."

JJ smiled, "So do you know why I say yours don't bother me, and also you’re sexy as hell" she smiled as Emily rested her chin on her shoulder

"It won't all come at once and you will feel dirty for a while but I want you to remember something" Emily nodded "that you will feel clean again and that, you will be able to look at yourself and see past all the scars"

Emily ghosted her fingers over the scars lining her stomach as though she was burning them to memory, JJ watched while Emily's finger ran over and up and down the length of the scars the stretched across her torso and stomach. JJ shivered at the touch leaning more into her.

JJ turned in her so that she was facing Emily, as she buried her face into her neck allowing her to look at the scars marring her back.

Emily's fingers ran the length of her back as JJ shiver against her touch.

"Jennifer" Emily's voice full of concern.

JJ kissed her neck softly "I trust you Em" as she lifted her head looking into Emily's eyes seeing the love and kindness there, the same eyes she fell in love with.

"You're beautiful," she said softly as her fingers trailed over her back.

JJ smirked "You're not too bad yourself Prentiss."

Emily blushed slightly as she felt JJ's hand tracing her back, leaning in ever so closely, their lips meeting as they kissed slowly JJ tongue running the length of her lower lip asking for permission to have access, which Emily allowed.

Deepening the kiss as her fingers trailed up her sides gently catching the outline of her breasts. JJ moaned slightly into her mouth as the kiss slowly. JJ pulled away gently looking into her eyes. "Wow! Think I just saw fireworks" she chuckled softly.

"See nothing to be scared of Em, took me a long time to be able to look at myself and see past the scars but I got there in the end"

Emily studied her face for a moment before smiling softly "thank you" JJ blushed.

"I wanted to share it Emily because I thought it may help you see why and what I see" Emily again looked at her back through the mirror, as she noticed a tattoo which just had two dates 1992-1994.

She frowned slightly as she looked at it "What do the dates mean?"

JJ buried her face "year I got them and the year I learnt to see passed them" she whispered "one day I will tell you how I got them, but right now it's not important, what is important that you can see pass them"

Emily nodded "I don't think I am ready Jennifer" she admitted as JJ nodded against her neck.

"You will know when you're ready, I just ask one thing"

"What's that?" Emily asked.

"That you don't hide them from me, because I don't see them I see you" she said softly.

Emily tensed slightly "I will try, I just feel ashamed and scared right now" she replied.

"I used to feel ashamed as well Em, but I got use to them, it just takes time" she kissed her cheek softly "give it time Em" she smiled looking deeply into her eyes.

* * *

 

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 27/12 2006 16.42pm **

"So we can either watch a movie or if you have any board games we can play?" JJ smiled as she saw the look of shock on Emily's face.

"I don't have board games" she bit her lip slightly.

"Movie?" JJ said trying to hold back the giggle.

"Em have you ever played a board game?" JJ somewhat teased, but also hoping she was wrong until a very serious Prentiss looked at her

"I was never allowed them" she said as she frowned slightly.

"Oh, that so needs to change" JJ chuckled "Or you could tell me about the many different countries you have been too" JJ smiled sweetly as she saw a glint in Emily's eye.

"You really want to hear about that?" Emily said a little taken back.

"Oh, most definitely" JJ beamed.

Emily blushed slightly, "No one has ever wanted to know about that" she frowned slightly.

"Well I am not just anyone I'm I?" JJ smirked.

"That's a definite" Emily smiled "are you sure you want to hear about it" she said as she bit her lip.

JJ rolled her eyes "You want to hear about mine first?"

Emily nodded "As long as I can hold you while you tell me" Emily said sweetly

JJ hesitated "I don't want to hurt you Em" JJ's eyes landed on her chest as she spoke.

"You know where they are so I know you won't lean on them" Emily looked down for a moment as JJ moved closed leaning into her side and resting her head slightly on Emily's chest.

"As you know I grew up in East Allegheny, it's a small town and not much interesting happened there, well not interesting to most" JJ chuckled "I went to East Alleghany High School, where I fell in love with soccer and ended up as the captain of the varsity soccer team" JJ pause slightly.

"That would also be around the time I had my first and last girlfriend" JJ moved closer to Emily as she was finding it more and harder to speak about this part of her life. She frowned slightly "we split up after" JJ paused slightly.

Emily pulled her closer feeling the tension that had built in JJ "Jennifer you don't have to if it's too hard for you" Emily said softly to which JJ shook her head.

"As you know I love the Redskins" she chuckled "I even went to watch them with Spence and for someone who is a genius he couldn't follow it"

Emily chuckled slightly "I guess it's too practical for him"

JJ nodded "I earned a scholarship to the University of Pittsburgh."

She smiled softly "I had no idea what I wanted to do, up until I heard Rossi speak on campus, that fall I enrolled in the FBI and well the rest is pretty much history" she smiled softly. "Also my ticket out of that place and yes I hate going back there so I avoid" JJ admitted her voice as much as a whisper.

"You know if I tell you about mine we are going to be here awhile" Emily joked, "I guess I grew up in the Ukraine. But I don't remember much, I don't think my Mother was posted there long, we moved around a lot when I was growing up so it was always hard for me to make friends and be myself" she paused slightly.

"It wasn't the best years of my life, but I did learn a lot and as you know I can speak a few languages aside from Russia," she giggled slightly. "Which I am only just passible in"

She sighed slightly "then we moved to Europe, which was lovely though I never want to go back" she admitted "Too painful" she said softly, "I also have a high distain for politics after seeing what it has done to my Mother, and what it cost her"

"Then we moved back to the US and I graduated from Yale, first time I could call a place my home" Emily gave a weak smile. Emily spoke softly "when I was 15 I found out I was pregnant" she stopped and waited for a backlash of saying that. JJ smiled softly as she kissed her under her chin

"What was your first girlfriend like Em?" JJ asked which caused Emily to laugh slightly as she held her ribs.

"Ouch!" she muttered under her breath. "My first year at Yale" Emily sighed softly "She was my roommate, it didn't last long, she said I was too closed off and too guarded" Emily admitted, "I've dated a few after that but I never could let my guard down for a second" she started drawing patterns on JJ's arm as she spoke.

"They were either around for money or to get a name for themselves" Emily went quiet after a while as JJ's stomach growled, "I think someone needs food" Emily teased as JJ nodded into her side

"But I don't want to move" JJ whined slightly "Your too comfortable" as she rubbed her face against Emily's side,

Emily laughed slightly "You got your phone handy?" Emily asked as JJ wriggled her phone out her pocket

"Yes" as she handed the phone over to Emily.

"Is there any food you don't like?"

"Oh, nothing spicy, and that's also going to involve moving isn't it?" JJ half complained

Emily chuckled at JJ's protests "Yes but it will take over half an hour to get here" as she dialled a number she knew of by heart. "Hey John any chance you can do me a meal for two?" she closed her eyes slightly. "No I'm not telling you, yes my usual" Emily sighed "And a bottle of your finest red" she drawled out as she smiled. "No that's fine, okay see you soon"

JJ moved slightly and looked at her. "Em, have you got any money on you because I know I haven't!" JJ said as she looks at a now smirking and grinning Emily

"Emily? How are you planning on paying for the food? And you're not allowed to drink."

Emily pulled her closer "Very simply I'm not" she giggled JJ frowned slightly "Doesn't mean you can't drink." she smirked.

"There is a lot to learn about me Jennifer," she said softly as she placed her lips on her head "and the first one is I never pay at my own restaurant" she chuckled

"Oh!"

JJ rested more against the strong form of Emily "Emily what happened to the baby?"

Emily closed her eyes as she moved slightly feeling a little uneasy "My Mother thought it would be best if she was adopted but within family" Emily said sadly

"Do you know where she is?" JJ asked "sorry" she mumbled as she sensed Emily tense up slightly.

"It's okay Jennifer" she smiled softly she knew JJ would ask her this and she trusted her enough to tell her.

"She lives here, part of the reason I moved back to DC, and she knows who I am, she has always known that I am her mother."

JJ moved to look at her "So that's why you moved here?"

"I wanted to be closer to her," Emily admitted

"What's she called?"

Emily laughed slightly "Her name is Sarah-Jane" she smiled softly "And she is the double of me" Emily grinned as she looked over at the pictures scattered over the walls "the one in the middle is Sarah"

JJ eyes went wide "Wow! She looks just like you" JJ replied in awe.

"Em, does she know you've been hurt?" JJ asked carefully, but seriously.

"Mother has informed her and also asked her not to worry" Emily laughed slightly "which knowing her she is worrying" she frowned slightly "I also think Garcia knows even though she has never said anything" Emily said softly and a little unsure.

"Em, if she does she won't say anything that I can promise you or she would have told me" Emily looked at her for a moment "She has known how I felt about you for ages now, and I am almost certain she would have told me, if she knew" JJ smiled as she kissed her softly

* * *

 

 

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 27/12 2006 17.57pm **

They were both pulled out of their thoughts by a gently knock at the door "I'll get it" JJ said as she started to move out of Emily's grip.

"Okay" she replied softly.

JJ opened the door smiling at the delivery guy "Miss Prentiss?" the guy asked slightly confused.

"She's in the front room, do you need her?"

JJ frowned slightly "Oh, no Ma'am" he said as he handed the food over "Can you let her know that we are all thinking about her, we heard what happened"

JJ nodded "I will and thank you"

Emily slowly got up and walked into the kitchen pulling the plates out, "Jennifer? Is everything okay?" she asked, since she seemed to be taking longer than normal.

"Yes, I am coming." JJ chuckled "this smells beautiful, what are we having?" JJ asked as the smell from the bag started to fill the room

Emily smiled "my favourite dish Arroz con pollo and for dessert Buttery Apple Torte"

JJ frowned for a moment "Never heard of it" this caused Emily to chuckle

"Yes you have, chicken with rice" she smiled softly as JJ swatted her on the arm

"You could have said that" she chuckled slightly

Emily smiled as she tried to plate up the food though her hands didn't seem to want to cooperate with her "Jennifer, can you please?" she asked without hesitation as JJ gladly took over before the food ended up on the floor.

Once they both were sat and eating their meal aside from the moan that came from JJ as she started to eat "that is just mmm" she smiled as the rice fell apart in her mouth. "Em, how come no one knows about Sarah?" she asked softly causing Emily to chuckle.

Emily smiled at her "I just don't want her near this, I mean our job, and I also wouldn't like the questions that it could bring up” She shook her head slightly "she has been through too much Jennifer, and also I didn't know how people would react and more importantly how you would react," she said honestly.

JJ raised her eyebrow slightly at her "she's apart of you Em, how could that be a bad thing" she smiled softly "is there another reason?"

Emily groaned slightly "She wants to go to law school later, I just don't want her tainted, and you know how I dislike talking about my personal life, at work"

"Don't you mean you don't want anyone to get close to you at work?"

Emily sighed "if something happened she'd get hurt and you all think I'm stubborn, believe me she is worse"

JJ frowned slightly as she looked at the picture "How old is she now?"

Emily sighed "20" Emily said "and now I feel old" she joked before she paused slightly. "But she has always been a good kid, never in any trouble really" Emily bit her lip slightly.

"What kind of trouble she get into?" JJ asked knowing the look on Emily's face

"About five years ago, I took her to the mall and this guy tried to hit on her, which I was about to kick his scrawny ass because he must have easily been 21" Emily laughed slightly.

"She had been taking self-defence classes, poor lad ended up with a busted nose and a bloody lip, I wasn't sure whether to shout at her or prise her" Emily chuckled

JJ smiled "So she takes after you then"

Emily shook her head "Sometimes she does other times not so much, more like her dad" Emily said dryly "and no she doesn't know or see him" Emily said firmly.

"So she's a rebel"

"She was but now she has settled down a lot, I think having me close by helps her, it was hard when I had to work away for us both"

"So she has always known you as her mom?" JJ asked.

"Yes we never kept that from her, just legally she wasn't" Emily smiled

"So will I get to meet her?" she asked.

"When she remembers where I live" Emily smirked.

JJ smiled as they finished eating and Emily plated up dessert, "I missed a lot when she was growing up though, but sometimes when I have said I'm going to my Mothers for dinner. It was normally me and Sarah spending time together movies or going for a drive, I'd hate to cramp her style"

JJ nodded "Wish you had told me about her before Em, it doesn't change anything, unless she doesn't like me"

Emily chocked slightly on her food and blushed deeply "She knows all about you Jennifer"

JJ stared at her for a while "You've talked about me?"

Emily shrugged "I had to tell her she was trying to set me up on a dating site" Emily frowned "And that is just so wrong" she shook her head "As she put it, you're not getting any younger Mom you need to get laid"

JJ laughed as Emily finished "She didn't"

"Oh, she did, and I stopped her allowance for a month, so thankfully she has never brought it up again"

"I always said you'd make a great mom, is that why when we have cases it always affects you badly"

Emily nodded "I always think it could so easily be Sarah" Emily sighed

"I can understand why" JJ said softly as they finished their meal "I think you have just spoiled me Emily that was the best meal I have had in a long time" JJ grinned.

Emily smiled "well that was easy" Emily chuckled "don't take much to spoil you then"

JJ rolled her eyes "Behave"

"So Jennifer what would you like to do?"

JJ looked at her "Well we have an early start tomorrow, your stitches are coming out so we can relax with a film or play cards, cuddle up in bed or anything you want" JJ rambled slightly

"How about we cuddle up and watch a movie, I think I have popcorn in the cupboard if you want I can make some" JJ nodded.

"Sounds good to me, what film you want to watch?"

"Oh just pick one, just nothing soppy I think we both have had enough tears this past few weeks" Emily smiled softly as she started to move the plates to the sinks

"How about a horror?"

Emily glared at her slightly "Really? We are not at work, and you still want to see blood and guts" Emily joked.

"Well it's not really" JJ defended herself "or you have any good comedies?"

"How about, big daddy?" Emily said softly.

JJ chuckled "Now Emily I didn't think you'd watch something like that"

Emily smiled "Well I need something to take my mind off all the blood and guts"

JJ found the DVDs and placed it in the player waiting for Emily to join her on the couch "Let me hold you?" JJ asked, as Emily blushed allowing JJ to wrap her arms around her as she leant into her.

* * *

 

Within half an hour of the movie, starting both Emily and JJ had fallen asleep; JJ stirred slightly as a slight rattle; could be heard, coming from the front door.

JJ tensed slightly as she tried to wake Emily up "Em! Wake up" she shook her gently. Still she got no response off her aside from a grunt.

The noise got less as JJ relaxed slightly, until she heard a bang coming from the hallway causing her to JJ and stir Emily some "Emily?" she whispered softly as the fear crept inside JJ

"Em, you need to wake up!" she rocked her again before hearing a very familiar voice echo form the hallway.

"Mom you there?" JJ kept quiet "MOM"

Emily grunted slightly as she spoke "Sarah I swear to god, you don't need to scream"

Sarah walked further in "Well if you answered" she stopped speaking as she spotted blonde hair.

"I was asleep, and you just scared the shit out of Jennifer" Emily replied as she started to get up.

"Sorry" she muttered as she walked fully into the room "I've just got back from New York and got Gran's message"

"You know if she ever hears you call her that"

"Yeah I know I'll get bitch slapped again"

Emily chuckled as she sat up fully "You okay Jennifer?"

"Yeah my heart is still in my mouth"

Sarah chuckled as she walked around to stand in front of them both "Sorry" she said softly as JJ stared at her.

"God she is your double" JJ whispered.

Emily looked fully at her "What the hell did you do to your hair?"

Sarah rolled her eyes "Fell asleep in a frat house"

Emily laughed, "You never learn"

Sarah looked at her for a long moment "Grandma said it was bad?"

Emily rolled her eyes "And I thought I brought you up with manners" Emily restored

"Oh, sorry" as she held out her hand "With the way Mom speaks about you I feel I already know you"

JJ laughed "Nice to meet you Sarah" JJ smiled

"You only just told her about me tonight Mom, didn't you?"

Emily nodded as she rolled her eyes "Where you staying?"

"Well I was hoping I could use my bedroom for a change" Sarah joked "Unless"

"No that's fine" Emily smiled softly "we have to go out early in the morning to the hospital though, we will try not to wake you"

"Mom, how bad is it?" Sarah asked again.

"Nothing that won't heel okay, now stop worrying and go make us all a drink" Emily smiled as she moved closer to JJ "you okay?" she whispered into JJ's ear

"She is your double" JJ muttered causing Emily to laugh

"Yeah we get that a lot"

"Mom, maybe you should let people know I exist then they won't be so shocked when they see me or they say they've seen you in that strip bar" Sarah laughed.

"I had fun explaining that to Morgan and remind me again why you were there?" Emily scowled

"To look at some sexy bodies"

Emily groaned, "Did you have to say that"

"I was told never to lie, and plus just because you couldn't get any didn't mean I couldn't" she smirked at the blonde.

"Sarah!" Emily scowled as she took her drink

"I guess you take the same as Mom does?" as she handed her the cup

"Yes and thanks"

Emily looked at JJ "She tried it on with Morgan in a strip bar of all places; I really do think he had nightmares through that."

"Mom he is dreamy though" Sarah smirked "and yet still you wouldn't tell him who I was" Sarah joked.

"And as I told you, if he touches you I'll pull your trust fund" Emily smirked she looked at JJ "Sorry Morgan just thinks there is someone who looks at me walking around DC " Emily said as she wrapped her arm around JJ

Sarah stared at them both looking them both up and down "You told her then? And she is still here" Sarah joked, "Sorry Mom always said you might run if she told you" JJ blushed deeply as she looked at Emily.

"I always said the same thing to my fried Garcia" she replied softly.

"Sarah, though it is lovely to see you, do you mind if we go to bed, I'm totally wiped out"

"No that's fine Mom, I'll see you when you get back from the hospital" Sarah smiled softly.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 28/12 2006 6.24am **

Emily moan softly, as a noise pulled her from her slumber, she listened trying to make out where the noise was coming from "No, stop" the voice mumbled, as Emily opened her eyes her hand reaching for JJ "get off her" Emily frowned slightly as she sat up slightly.

Her heart tighten as her eyes fell on JJ her face was contorted in pain as she was mumbling in her sleep "NO!" JJ screamed as Emily tried to wake her gently.

"Jennifer it's me sweetie wake up"

"EMILY!" JJ shouted as Emily tried again to wake her.

"Jennifer wake up sweetie, I'm here" she said firmly as a slight knock on the bedroom door came through

"Mom? Is everything okay?"

"Jennifer wake up sweetie" as a heart wrenching sob came from the trembling form next to her, "I can't seem to wake her" Emily whispered, as Sarah slowly walked into the bedroom

"Mom?" she whispered. "You need anything?"

Emily nodded "My cell downstairs, can you ring JJ's number if I can't wake her that will" as Emily again tried rocking JJ awake, Sarah nodded walking downstairs turning the coffee machine on as she found her Mom's phone dialling JJ's number

Emily carried on rocking as she heard the cell buzz against the nightstand "Mmm" JJ mumbled somewhat.

"Jennifer wake up babe" Emily pleaded as JJ finally started to move as though she was reaching for her phone.

"Don't want to move," she grumbled as she managed to pick up her phone half grumbling into it "best be important"

Emily chuckled. "You with me now?"

JJ scowled at the caller id "Em, why you ringing me?"

"You were having a bad dream and I couldn't wake you"

JJ sat up somewhat confused "Okay, but I know your phone is downstairs" JJ frowned.

"You remember Sarah?" Emily joked slightly.

As she pulled JJ closer to her "Oh, god” she hid her face into Emily's neck "I am so sorry"

Emily kissed her head "Shh, she's use to it with me, just be glad she doesn't know you as well as she knows me"

Emily pulled the covers back over JJ as Sarah knocked on the door, last thing she wanted was for Sarah to see her scars let along JJ's.

"Hey" she said softly as she walked in with a tray carrying three coffees "I thought you both could use one" she said kindly.

"I'm so sorry I woke you" JJ said as she blushed deeply.

Sarah rolled her eyes "You're not as loud as Mom and no need to be sorry" Sarah passed them both their cups of coffee. "Mom, I'm going to go back to bed, good luck today." she said softly as she leant over to give her Mom a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you" she smiled softly as Sarah left closing the door softly behind her.

JJ turned to look at Emily a little sheepish, "Hey its okay Jennifer," she said as she ran her finger gently over her jawline.

"I'm sorry," she muttered

"I think I have woke you more times than you have so stop saying sorry and don't worry, about Sarah she won't say anything" Emily said seeing the worry in JJ's eyes

"You sure? She doesn't know me" JJ half chuckled to herself as the embarrassment slowly wore away.

Emily smiled softly "She's my daughter, so she is more than use to it, we both suffer from them" Emily said softly.

"I guess we should start to get up" JJ said as she began to stretch.

"Drink your coffee first, do you want to tell me what you was dreaming about" she asked softly.

JJ moved closer against Emily as she spoke "I hate you had to go through everything Em" she said softly "and sometimes it gets into my dreams, I haven't had one since we got out of the hospital" JJ confessed.

Emily nodded "might be because we are due there in a few hours" Emily sighed softly.

Emily ran her fingers along JJ's stomach as JJ tried to pat her hand away "stop that" she chuckled "I'm ticklish"

"Sorry" Emily replied as she rested her hand on her stomach drawing patterns across her skin.

"You like doing that, don't you?" JJ asked

"Touching you? Yes very much" Emily chuckled.

"No, I meant drawing patterns on me" she smirked.

"That I do" Emily smiled as she went to move "Jennifer, are they taking all the stitches out today?" she asked.

JJ shook her head "Just the ones on your chest, the other ones will come out on their own" she said softly.

"Okay" she said sadly.

"Em? What is it?"

Emily swallowed slightly "Will, I mean, you'll be with me when they take them out?"

JJ smiled softly "I will be holding your hand, try not to worry" JJ said as she finished her coffee "She really does make a good coffee, who taught her that."

Emily laughed "Mother taught her"

JJ watched her for a moment as the words slipped out so softly "I love you"

Emily smiled at her looking into her eyes "I love you too Jennifer" gently placing her cup on the side she turned back round pulling JJ into a gentle kiss. "More than words can say," she whispered as she pulled away.

Emily started to get up out of bed as JJ followed suit "What you fancy wearing?" she asked Emily.

"Button shirt I guess, then at least I only have to open it right?" she asked.

"Yes, as long as I can remove it once we are home" JJ said somewhat jokingly.

"I'll get back to you on that" Emily teased as she walked into the bathroom to start her morning rituals.

"Damn it!" Emily cursed

"Em, what’s happened?"

"Caught that sore with the toothbrush" Emily said as she spat the blood out of her mouth.

JJ sighed, "I warned you to be careful, he really did some damage with that thing" JJ hand drew the O-shaped contraption that Rob had put in her mouth one too many times; Emily nodded as she swilled her mouth out.

* * *

 

_' **The past few days of being out of that hospital had been great Emily had stopped closing off but now she had gone back to not speaking about it and to be honest I am not sure if that is a good thing or not.**_

_**We seemed to have gotten somewhat closer I really do think showing her all my scars was a good idea, but yet now I remember my past, but I dealt with that a long time ago.** _

_**I just hope Emily can do the same. I have known this woman for a few years and she has only just told me about her daughter, I can understand about wanting to keep her personal life private, but does that also mean; I will be a secret or will she not hide me away?** _

_**There is something between them Emily said Sarah has nightmares as well, I am starting to think there is more to her past than she is letting go or shall I say letting me in.** _

_**There again I'm not much better, she has seen my scars, but I am not ready to talk to her about them yet, she isn't strong enough to deal with that on top of what she is already dealing with.** _

_**I guess we have a lifetime to tell each other everything, she must have an idea what has happened to me but if she has, she has never said.** _

_**Even Garcia doesn't know about it, and very much like Emily, I want to keep it that way, so maybe I can understand why she never told any of us about Sarah surely Hotch knows?** _

_**There again he might not if someone else was raising her as their own, that must have been so hard to watch someone else raise your own child, the more I know about her the more I want, she kisses me and I see fireworks, maybe the sex will blow me away.** _

_**Okay really should not be thinking about that side because that can't be planned or anything.** _

_**Is it wrong to say I am glad she got hurt? Even though I know it's not and I would never want anyone to suffer as she has.** _

_**But on the other hand if she hadn't would we be like we are now, would she be fully unguarded around me, god she looks at me sometimes and I swear she can see my soul which is a little creepy.** _

_**However, I love it, I guess I am just not sure what is going to happen she needs to be able to look at herself and stop hiding. However, what happens when we go back to work, this job; is her life, and when I say life; she lives breathes and drinks it, much like Hotch does, is it because she never had anyone to go home to?** _

_**I know when we get back off a tough case I curl up with my pillow and cry into it, I wonder after seeing this side to her, if that is what she does?** _

_**I also do not think I can sleep without her I need to know she is safe, the thought of her getting hurt again does not even bare a thought to, because I know it would kill me.** _

_**I wish I had told her months ago that I had feelings for her, and then she would not have gone to that stupid bar, ugh! That's our local bar as well, what if she can't face it?'** _

* * *

"Jennifer, are you nearly ready to go?" Emily asked.

"Yeah just give me a second"

* * *

 

_' **Well that is my cue to leave, write soon Jen x'**_

* * *

 

 

** Location: Hospital Parking Lot **

** Date and time: 28 December 2006: 14.12pm **

Emily had gone quite since leaving the doctors room, locking herself away again, JJ opened the car door for her as she got in not even meeting her eye line, JJ closed the door before walking around to the other side.

"Em?" Emily turns and gives her a weak smile, her hand coming over to rest on her knee, as JJ set off towards home.

The drive back was quiet but Emily's hand never left JJ's knee, she gripped it not too hard but enough, as though she was holding on or grounding herself.

"Jennifer" she said weakly "That really hurt" she admitted as they pulled up at a stop sign.

JJ turned to look at her "I have some cream, you want me to rub some in when we get back?" JJ asked carefully.

Emily never verbally answered she just nodded as she stared out the window, she pulled up outside the complex switching off the engine before getting out.

She paused slightly "Emily, we're home," she said softly, as she took in the blank expression on her face.

She walked around to the other side, opened her door, and helped her out "Talk to me Em?" JJ asked as Emily just wrapped her arm around her waist.

"I love you, you know that, don't you"

JJ looked puzzled at her for a moment "Of course I know that, and you know I love you" JJ smiled softly.

Emily sighed softly "We are going to have to tell Hotch aren't we?" Emily asked as though her mind were somewhere else.

"I don't want to split the team up Jennifer" pulling the blonde closer into her side "But I also don't want to lose you" JJ chuckled slightly

"They might not have known your gay Em but they all know how I feel about you and I am pretty sure they know" JJ paused "And if they don't, then they really aren't that good of profilers" JJ laughed causing Emily to chuckle slightly.

"Still might be best if we speak to Hotch…Unless you don't wasn't to... I mean if you're not comfortable with this...I mean us" Emily's words stumbled out in a rush.

"You want me to make a call, might be better to do it now since I'm not due back in for a few more days," JJ said as they made their way towards Emily's door.

Emily opened the door as they both walked in closing the door behind them "Jennifer" she paused as she spotted someone other than her daughter sat on the couch. Emily gripped JJ's hand as she called out. "Sarah?"

"Hey Emily" said a now standing Garcia as Emily shuddered inside.

"Hey Garcia, have you been here long?"

Garcia smiled as she rose her eyebrow "About an hour"

"You want a coffee Em?" JJ asked as she glared at her best friend

"Please, you want a drink Garcia?"

"No just had one, Sarah just went for a shower," Garcia said with a questioning look on her face. Emily nodded ignoring the look she was getting, as joined her friend on the other side of the couch.

"She is the double of you Em," Garcia said softly.

"Thanks" Emily said with a slight unease in her voice.

"Here you go" JJ said as she handed Emily her cup, before sitting behind her so Emily could lean into her.

"So what brings you here?" JJ asked softly.

"Oh, I wanted to check on my two favourite people" she replied happily, as she looked between them both.

JJ rested her hand on Emily's stomach as she started to draw patterns with her fingers "Been a long morning, just been the hospital" JJ said as Emily stayed very quiet,

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah everything is fine," JJ said as she gave Garcia a look that said. No it's not really.

* * *

 

Emily closed her eyes slightly as she tried to clear her mind, before shaking her head slightly "I'll be right back, I just want a word with Sarah," Emily said as she started to move away from JJ.

Emily left JJ and Garcia alone as she walked up stairs and into her daughter's bedroom, Sarah smiled softly at her Mom, as Emily broke down in her arms "Sorry" she muttered as Sarah comforted her

"Don't be Mom"

* * *

 

"She has a daughter?" Garcia questioned once Emily was out of earshot.

JJ chuckled, "Yes she does and she also doesn't like people to know"

Garcia frowned "It never came up when I did a background check on her."

JJ scowled "You did a background check on her?" JJ said in disbelief.

"Well with everything with Elle, I wanted to make sure you guys were okay and safe" JJ shook her head

"You do know if she finds out, you're going to pay for that, don't you!" JJ looked at her.

"Anyway" Garcia said brightly changing the subject "Are you two, a couple? As in official" she prodded.

"Yes we are but" she paused "We need to talk to Hotch first, and also I think for Emily's sake, you don't mention anything about Sarah" JJ said very seriously "To anyone, promise me"

Garcia looked at her perplexed "Okay?"

JJ smiled "There is a reason we didn't know about her, and I am guessing it's an important reason," JJ said as she half smiled.

"She wouldn't her kept it a secret otherwise" JJ pointed out "And no I don't know" JJ said before her friend had chance to ask.

"I was hoping we could have a girly afternoon, if Emily's up to it? I've brought some movies" Garcia smiled.

Sarah appeared behind them making both women jump "Mom will be down in a few" she said softly as she headed into the kitchen "You two want something to eat, I'm making chicken pasta"

They both nodded "Do you need a hand?" JJ and Garcia asked at the same time.

"No I'm good" she smiled "But thank you"

"Garcia please tell me when you said you brought movies they aren't horrors?" JJ asked her as Garcia laughed

"Men in black" she smirked. "Thought you both might like it and I think we have had enough horror this month"

"I second that" Emily said as she walked into the room.

Emily walked over to the couch and motioned JJ to move over as she whispered softly "I want to hold you" she smiled, as JJ moved before she sat down, pulling the blonde close into her wrapping her arms around her softly.

"Mom? Where is the wine?" Sarah hollered from the kitchen.

"In the shop" Emily shook her head

"Oh, can I"

"In my purse" Emily answered knowing what was coming next "Garcia you want her to pick up some beers for you and Jen...JJ?" she blushed slightly as JJ fingers interlaced with hers.

"That sounds good, but I drove over so I can only have one"

Sarah scoffed from the kitchen "No-one ever just has one beer, and you can take my room if you need" Sarah said as she headed out the door leaving Emily glaring at her retreating form

"Anyone would think this is her place" Emily joked "But, she's right you can stay here Garcia" she smiled warmly as JJ snuggled closer into her

"Thank you, shall I put the dvd in or shall we wait for her to come back?"

"Put it on and she can watch when she gets back" Emily said softly.

Garcia placed the dvd in turning the player and TV on before sitting back on the couch as they waited for the movie to start.

Sarah arrived back with half an hour handing JJ and Garcia a beer before taking the rest into the kitchen. "Help yourselves to more beers, Mom I got you some chocolate ice-cream" Sarah winked at her and Emily smiled in return.

They ate their lunch; the conversation was light and easy as they all settled back to watching the movie.

Emily was randomly drawing patterns on JJ as they watched it, before they put the second movie on, Emily hadn't said much in the past half an hour and JJ was getting a little concern as she couldn't see her from the angle she was lay.

"Em?" she said softly as Sarah cleared her throat to get JJ's attention.

"She's been asleep for the last half hour" she said softly as JJ settled back down into her arms and nodded at Sarah

"Thanks" she whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date and time: 7 January 2007: 05.45am **

Emily groaned as the sound of the alarm buzzed through the bedroom covering her face with the pillow trying to ignore the conferral droning of the alarm "Hmm" JJ stirred as she reached over to hit the snooze button.

She stretched carefully as she started to run her fingers over bare flesh "You could of turned it off instead of hiding" JJ said her voice laden with sleep as she ghosted her fingers so softly over the skin, causing Emily to squirm

"That would have involved moving" she whined.

As JJ moved to sit on top of Emily "I'd rather see your face than a pillow though," JJ said playfully.

"How can you be so awake, and before coffee" Emily yawned as she moved the pillow, smiling softly into loving blue eyes

"That would be because I went to bed early and you and Sarah stayed up playing poker for most of the night" she laughed, as she leaned in kissing her softly.

Emily kissed her back softly as she then pulled away "She leaves today" Emily pouted

"How long will she be gone?" JJ asked as she cupped Emily's breasts running her thumb gently over her nipple.

"Not sure, sometimes it’s a few weeks other times it can be months before she comes home." Emily said as she moaned softly at JJ's touch.

JJ grazed her nails over her skin gently "You know" JJ said as she twisted her nipple gently.

Causing Emily to moan out her reply "What?" JJ smirked.

"I have to take a shower" as she moved off Emily.

Emily groaned, "That's cruel" Emily pouted as she watched JJ retreat into the bathroom.

Emily stretched as her bones popped back in waking her up fully "Jennifer? I thought you didn't have to be in till 8?" Emily said as she walked into the bathroom.

"We don't have to be in till 8" JJ smirked.

"Then why we up so early?" Emily complained slightly as she started to brush her teeth.

"You need a shower"

Emily froze slightly "Oh, I can"

JJ cut her off "That's why we are up early so I can help, okay" she said reassuringly. Emily made a disgruntled sound in agreement.

JJ stepped out the shower as she spoke "And plus you still struggle getting your bra on" she smiled as she wrapped her wet arms around Emily.

"So you want me to shower fully dressed now?" Emily teased as her top began to soak in the water off JJ.

JJ flipped the bathroom light off as Emily started to undo her top "Thanks" she said softly as JJ came up behind her wrapping her arms tightly around her waist

"You're beautiful" she smiled as she kissed her cheek "Now get that sexy ass in the shower" she said playfully as Emily stepped into the warm shower.

JJ finished getting ready, as she waited for Emily to get out of the shower.

* * *

_**‘There has been some improvement, the nightmares are less now for us both, but she still hasn't been able to look at herself yet.** _

_**And she still hasn't seen the rest of me other than what I showed her, but I think she is getting there, she has finally been cleared for desk duty, although she is not impressed since she hates paperwork.** _

_**But I am glad, it will stop her worrying every time I leave and more so if Sarah is also leaving today, she tends to panic if she's alone, which maybe a problem when she is cleared for field duty, but I am sure she will overcome it.** _

_**She panicked the other day when I pulled my handcuffs out, that wild fearful look in her eyes, which I have not; seen since we came home, I really need to find a way to help her overcome that panic.** _

_**I have never seen a mother and daughter so close, it is as though they can just read each other's thoughts through a look or a gesture.** _

_**The rest of the team have finally met her which is nice, but what I always find strange is when we are out anywhere she always refers to her as Emily not mom?** _

_**That just strikes me as odd, but I am sure there is a very good reason for it, they just are not ready to share that bit with me?** _

_**There is one thing that makes me smile and I feel really honoured is she hasn't put the walls back up; unless the guys are around, the second we are alone she relaxes and I see all the sweetness and how much love she has for me.** **’** _

* * *

"Jennifer" Emily whispered as she walked into the bedroom.

JJ placed her diary back into the draw as she turned and looked at her "You all finished?" Emily nodded as JJ picked up the cream "Lay down sweetie so I can put this on" she smiled softly.

Emily scars were still angry and red, and if she moved the wrong way, it would hurt but at least they were healing and that was all that mattered to JJ as she started to massage the cream into her skin.

"These are looking so much better Em"

Emily half smiled "What are the ones on my back like?"

JJ sniggered "I won't know until you turn over"

This had become there day routine, Emily turned over as JJ started to massage more cream on her back before she leant over kissing her neck "They are looking good, and you just look as stunning as ever" JJ whispered in her ear, making Emily chuckle

"Smooth Jennifer very smooth"

JJ got off the bed letting Emily move before helping her get her bra on, if it wasn't done carefully Emily would wince in pain, her ribs were healing nicely but the doctors have said she could be out for a few more weeks then back into light field work.

"Right you finish getting ready and I'll go and put the coffee on, and you can make breakfast when you come down," JJ teased slightly as Emily groaned.

"You mean burnt toast for breakfast? Or can we just go to the deli on the way in and I'll buy you a breakfast wrap" she smiled sweetly as JJ nodded.

"Sure but coffee first" JJ made her way downstairs sitting at the breakfast bar waiting on the coffee machine.

Sarah snuck into Emily's room once JJ had gone downstairs "Mom" she said softly

"Hey, did we wake you?" Emily said softly as she looks at her.

"No you didn't I just wanted to wish you luck on your first day back, and Mom try not to worry" she smiled softly.

"When did you become so in tuned" Emily joked

"I'm your daughter so it is my job" Sarah smirked before leaving her to finish getting ready

Emily made her way downstairs "You know I can feel you watching me"

JJ ducked her head slightly "Sorry"

"Don't be I like it" Emily retorted

"Did we wake her?"

Emily shook her head "No, we didn't" she replied as she took the offered cup off JJ.

"Ugh! I need to get into work mode" Emily joked

"Work mode? I think we will be doing paperwork for a month" JJ glared at her slightly

"No. what I meant is I have to say calling you JJ" Emily said sticking out her bottom lip

"Oh" she smirked slightly "I still get to call you Emily" she teased gently.

* * *

** Location: BAU **

** Date and time: 7 January 2007: 7.34am **

Emily groaned slightly as they walked into the bullpen "I said we'd be early" as they both entered the kitchen.

"I know, but you at least get a head start on the paperwork" JJ said carefully as she bit her lip knowing that Emily hated paperwork.

Emily handed JJ her cup "I know, and I am on desk duty for a few more weeks" Emily sighed

"Hey" Morgan said as he came in wrapping his arms gently around her giving her a hug. "We've missed you" he smiled

"You saw me at weekend" Emily teased rolling her eyes.

"Yes! But that was social this is work, and plus that means I can hand you some of my paperwork" her joked as Emily glared at him

"You can do your own paperwork" JJ walked up to her office as the rest of the team piled in.

"So Morgan, been hitting on anyone lately?" Emily teased as he held his hands up

"Hey, if I knew she was your kid, I would never have hit on her"

"He would, he just wouldn't brag" Reid piped up.

"Hey kid, I do have some personal boundaries"

"Only because you know Emily would shot you first then ask the questions"

"Reid," Emily warned.

"So is there any gossip?" Emily smirked as they looked at her.

"Aside from you and JJ you mean?"

Emily rolled her eyes "I don't want to know" as they all sat at their desks just as Hotch walked in.

"Prentiss, nice to have you back" she smiled at him as she pulled out the first file that needed to be reviewed.

"Thanks"

* * *

JJ called everyone into the conference room half an hour later. JJ stood in front of the screen turning it on as everyone filed in taking their seats

Jacksonville Florida children have found a human skull and, another washed up on the riverbank. Last Friday another two more skulls; were found included in the river's sediment.

An autopsy proved the first two crania to be that of young people aged between 18 and 20 and the last skull found from a boy of approximately 12. In all cases, a sharp instrument; had been used to separate the skulls from the torso and the flesh had been entirely removed.

It was, initially thought that the human remains originated from the anatomical institute in Jacksonville, or they had been flung into the river by grave robbers fleeing from capture.

Yet these theories are unproven and some boys playing on a marshland unearthed a sack containing human bones. It had become impossible for the authorities to keep these grisly finds a secret and, whilst young boys continued to be reported missing.

‘The number has grown to almost 600’ Emily muttered to herself,

Jacksonville has been gripped by terror. The investigation highlighted that those missing were mostly aged between 14 and 18, a multitude of bones, have been discovered; in the marshlands.

More than 500 parts of corpses have been detected, the remains of at least 22 people, a third aged between 15 and 20. Approximately one-half had been in the water for some time and the joints of many of the fresh bones had smoothly cut surfaces.

"Wheels up in 20" Hotch said as JJ finished "Prentiss"

"Yes?" she looked at him knowing what he was going to say.

"You haven't been cleared to fly yet, but you can help work the profile from here" he said

"Okay" she nodded before looking at JJ.

JJ walked over to her seeing some of the fear in her eyes, JJ was the only one she would allow to see her fully "Jennifer" she said softly.

JJ cupped her cheek as Emily easily leant into the touch "I will be careful, I promise," she smiled softly.

Emily nodded "You best had be" Emily said firmly, she had not been on her own since her attack and if she was honest she was petrified.

"You could always have Garcia stay with you while I'm gone" JJ tried as Emily shook her head

"No, I'll be fine you just hurry home" Emily looked at her with her loving eyes before leaving the room.

* * *

They were greeted at the airport, then driven to the local police station; where JJ introduced the team.

JJ and Reid started setting up, though they had already made a start on the profile, they would be able to add more to it once they had seen the crime scene and the coronary's report and looked at the bones.

The detective in charge came into the room as JJ spoke "We are ready to give the profile"

"Already?"

She smiled "We worked on it on the way over here, so if you could get everyone ready so we can begin" JJ said as the team follow out spreading along the far wall.

"The man we are looking for will already be known to the police mainly as a thief and sexual offender. His appearance he will be sympathetic in appearance, a simple man with a friendly, open expression and a courteous nature. Of average height, broad and well built, this shows with the age of the victims and the fact they were willing to go with him so they may have even known him" Hotch said.

Reid took over; "His features will be generally small and unprepossessing as the rest of his appearance, he will be notability well-groomed, and At times he will appear cagey or calculating"

Morgan took over; "Yet also talkative and hyperactive, desperately seeking sympathy and attention."

Rossi added in finally "he has a serve dislike for his father and from an early age and has continued this loathing throughout his life. He will also be someone who you least expect and far from evil looking"

They all filled back into the room as Hotch spoke "We all should go and get some rest, it's late we will meet here at 7" he said as everyone started to leave for the hotel.

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo. **

** Time: 20.04 **

Emily had left the BAU and headed home after reassuring Garcia she was okay.

She laid down on the couch with a glass of wine, which she knew she would regret since she was still on pain medication. However, she just could not settle or fall asleep she was already missing JJ and her mind had slowly started to sink back to the days held in the basement.

JJ had tried ringing Emily once she had gotten back to the hotel, but each time she just got voicemail, so she was hoping she was asleep, and not just ignoring her calls.

JJ had learnt in the past few weeks that when Emily is alone for any length of time she gets lost in her mind and this is something JJ fears.

After the fifth attempt of ringing her, JJ sent Garcia a text **'Pen can you make sure Em is okay for me and let me know in the morning'** she hoped she'd get a reply.

Garcia phone made her stir slightly, whenever her team was away she always rested lightly so she was soon awake and reading the message before texting back. **'She was pretty tired when I left tonight she is more than likely asleep she insisted to me she was fine but I will check, you know how stubborn she can be.'** she replied before settling down again.

* * *

** Location: BAU **

** Date and time: 8 January 07: 4.34am **

Emily sat at her desk thinking to herself.

**'I can't settle I can't eat, every time I do I feel sick, for the first time in my life I don't feel safe.**

**I didn't know how much she held me together and grounded me, she has seen every part of me, my weaknesses my vulnerability my scars, and yet I still can't look at myself.**

**I daren't, get undressed, as that would mean seeing, I try not to let her see the pain when I move, but I know she does.**

**What if I can't do my job unless she is around me, my mind feels blank.**

**I have been sitting here for the past 4 hours and my thoughts race as though I am still in that damn infernal basement'**

* * *

Emily groan slightly as she looked at the time, she had been lost in her thoughts since she had gotten to the BAU, lifting her head up as her neck popped into place she had been sat like that for so long she had even forgotten what time she had arrived at the BAU.

Garcia, was stood in the kitchen watching Emily, she looked at her friend and even she could tell she had not slept at all.

Garcia sent a message to JJ **'Jay I don't think she has slept much, she was in before me and I checked the security footage and it looks like she has been here since 4 this morning and it's now 9'**

"You look like you need a coffee," she said as she placed a mug in front of her

"Thanks Garcia" she smiled weakly at her.

"How long you been in?" she asked as she took a sip trying to get her senses to fully wake up.

"Since six" she smiled as Emily looked away. "I'll come down to your lair with you if that's okay," Emily asked a little unsure.

Garcia smiled softly, "Come on Em" as she took hold of the mug, she had never seen Emily look this withdrawn "Em why don't you ring JJ?" she asked carefully.

Emily shook her head "She'll be sleeping and she needs to concentrate on the case not worry about me" Emily said quietly.

"Emily the girl is going to worry about you, even if you was stood at the side of you she will still worry just like you worry about her, so please ring her" Garcia said more firmly than she meant to.

Emily sighed "I lost my phone" she paused "Well not so much lost it, it may have bounced around a few walls last night, so I need to go and get a new one at some point today" she shrugged.

"Emily Prentiss you will ring her right now," she said handing her the phone and dialling the number "Before you panic her"

JJ stepped out of the shower after trying Emily again only to get voicemail "Pen?" she answered on the fourth ring

"Try again" she replied sadly.

"Emily. Thank god! Why didn't you answer you're phone?"

Emily swallowed hard "I broke it so I need to get a new one"

"Em, are you okay?" Emily half sniggered before she replied.

"I guess" before she handed the phone straight to Garcia

"Jay it's me"

"Pen? Where did she go" she said in a sigh.

Garcia smiled at Emily before walking out the room and closing the door "She handed me the phone, she doesn't seem herself."

JJ voice changed slightly as she finished getting ready "Garcia if anything happens or changes you ring me or failing that ring Sarah"

"I will do" Garcia said as JJ hung the phone up.

* * *

** Location: Jacksonville **

** Date & Time: 8 January: 09.00 **

"Hotch" JJ said as she walked into the room "Emily's phone has broken so we can get her on Garcia's for now till she gets a new one" she said slightly flustered.

Hotch raised an eyebrow "Is she okay?"

JJ nodded; though she knew all was not okay "Any leads?" she asked changing the subject.

"There has been some developments, a body has been found early hours this morning we are hoping to get a DNA hit since, they must have been disturbed because, he was laid out in the open" Hotch said as he rung Garcia to do a background check on the person who had discovered the body.

JJ frowned slightly as Rossi spoke "What kind of person goes walking around at three in the morning in the marshland unless he has a good reason?" he pointed out as JJ looked at his file

"He's rapist?" JJ said, as she looked at his rap sheet that span over 19years.

"They are running his DNA through codas as we speak I would just like some background to leave with the officers, then we can fly out later today" Hotch said.

"Was there any point us being here?" Reid asked slightly perplexed

"It was a lucky collar or we could have ended up staying for a few more days" Morgan said as he handed JJ a drink "Look like you could use a coffee" he said kindly

"Thanks"

* * *

** Location: BAU, Jet **

** Date and time: 8 January: 18.14 **

"JJ is everything alright?" Hotch asked as he walked over towards the kitchen.

JJ nodded slightly "I just can't wait to get back home" she said as she continued to stare out the window.

"Is everything alright with Emily?" He tried again.

JJ looked at him "I think so" she muttered, just as her phone vibrated with a text message. **'I miss you'** JJ read the text and half smiled **'I will be home in a few hours'** she replied.

* * *

** Location: Emily's condo **

** Date & time: 8 January: 11.51pm **

Emily sat on the couch staring at the window she had not slept since JJ had gone on the case; she had not really eaten much either.

**'I close my eyes and I am back there, I can smell the blood I can even taste it.**

**I cannot sleep because every time I do I am back there; waiting for death, waiting for JJ to save me again.**

**I have never depended on anyone before, I have never let anyone control or take control, but yet I allow her so easily, I want to get lost in her eyes and in her warmth and feel safe but she isn't here'**

Emily sighed softly, as she placed the paper down which she had been scribbling on, onto the coffee table as she stood up

**'JJ I have gone for a run, I won't be long I just can't sit here any longer, Em'**

She left the condo and started a slow run, her body was not fit enough really to do this, but she needed to she had jogged up towards the gas station her body ached, but she needed this, anytime she needed to think or clear her mind this was how she did it.

She carried on for another mile before the burning coursed through her knees as she hit her old route before heading back.

* * *

** Location: Emily's condo **

** Date & time: 9 January: 01.20am **

JJ walked in to the dark condo her eyes focused the best they could until she located the light switch, sighing slightly as she headed into the kitchen turning the kettle on.

She frowned slightly as she spotted the envelope situated on the table, after reading the short note; which Emily had left she cursed as she grabbed her keys and headed straight into her car.

She remembered the old route Emily ran sometimes since they had done it together but she was hoping she was wrong she head up past the gas station before following the familiar route praying Emily hadn't cut through the park

"Damn it Emily" she cursed as she turned the corner her eyes searching the street.

She pulled the car to a screeching stop as she stopped a crumpled body of one Emily Prentiss in the middle of the path "Em?" she called softly as she knelt down next to her not getting much of a response other than a groan,

"Can you get up for me?" she asked as she gently ran her fingers through her hair removing it out of her eyes.

Emily shook her head slightly. "Not too sure" she answered, she wrapped her arm under hers and gently helped her up, taking all her weight before lifting her into the car,

JJ sighed as she got into the car and heading back home. "What were you thinking Em? You know you're not meant to do any physical exercise yet" JJ half scolded her voice though aired with worry.

Emily gave little to no response as the car finally pulled up outside her condo, JJ walked around helping Emily out the car

"Emily help me a bit here" JJ half joked as she tried to keep Emily upright and unlock the door.

"Sorry" she whispered as her shoulders slumped against the wall slightly, finally both women were in the condo.

Where JJ could finally look at Emily dark rings were covering her eyes, her body seemed thinner, JJ just hoped it were the clothes and she hadn't lost weight which she couldn't afford to lose.

"Come on" JJ said softly as she took Emily's hand guiding her upstairs into the bathroom.

She gently cupped her chin lifting it slightly so Emily's and her eyes finally met "Let me run you a bath" she said softly as she started to draw a bath.

Emily gripped her wrist a little tight as she turned to look at her, her eyes held raw fear in them, her voice was weak and so soft, JJ only just heard her.

"Stay with me" she smiled softly leaving the bath for a moment.

"I wasn't planning on going anywhere" she smiled "Let's get them clothes off before you catch your death," JJ said as she helped her undress.

Emily averted her eyes as JJ helped her up. Closing the taps off and helping her into the bath, she winced slightly as sore joints, connected to the metal bath.

She turned her face looking straight at JJ her eyes sad but her words were even sadder "I missed you" JJ ran her fingers across her cheek as Emily leaned further into the contact of her hand. "Join me?" she asked softly.

JJ hesitated slightly "Not tonight" she said carefully, she knew it would raise questions but she knew she couldn't not yet, she had seen the scars but not all the scars and JJ just wasn't ready yet.

Kissing her forehead gently "You warming up" she asked as she moved the water over her body gently washing her, Emily groaned slightly at the contact her voice slightly husky.

"Yeah" she closed her eyes as she tried to get closer to the blonde, her scent soothing her body.

JJ pulled the plug emptying the bath as she helped one very relaxed Emily Prentiss out the bath wrapping the towel around her. Emily looked straight at her as she closed the distance as their lips met in a soft and tender kiss. JJ moaned slightly in to the kiss her tongue ran along Emily's bottom lip asking for entry, which Emily granted as their tongues danced which each other's.

Emily moaned slightly before pulling back "Wow!" she gasped as she looked into swirling blue eyes.

JJ smirked "You’re easily pleased" she joked as she guided her into the bedroom helping her dry off and get dressed, before grabbing her clothes and disappearing into the bathroom to change,

Emily's eyes tracked her every movement, as she lay slightly stiff on the bed still not daring to close her eyes.

JJ walked back into their room and smiled "Hey you okay" she said softly as she watch dark chocolate eyes track her movements she nodded slightly.

"Hold me?" she asked softly as JJ gently climbed into the bed lying on her back, so Emily could snuggle into her, which she did.

Wrapping a protective arms around her waist as she played with her hair before kissing her forehead "Sleep Em, I've got you" she said softly as she felt Emily's breaths get shallower and softer, as Emily moved in closer to her body. As they, both finally drifted off into peaceful slumber.


	15. Chapter 15

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date & time: 8 February: 04.30am **

Emily had been off for the past month, her body had fully recovered though her joints were still sore, and she had yet to be, cleared for field duty.

And that was why they needed to be in early today so Emily could finally get the all clear though she had to promise Morgan 20 hours of training a week, to which JJ was not impressed they were both stubborn both like the challenge and Emily hated to loose

JJ groaned loudly as she stirred slightly in the bed "Do you have to start the self-induced torture at this time in the morning." JJ half mumbled, as she grabbed the pillow placing it over her head.

Emily looked at her and shook her head slightly "Well I can always stop and we can be late for work" Emily stated as the pillow hurtled towards her.

"Well if someone hadn't had got an infection and flu on top of it, you would have still been in work, but no, you had to go running and nearly kill yourself" JJ grumbled as Emily half laughed.

"Well I want to be cleared" Emily half whined at her as she throw the pillow back at JJ

"If you are going to wake me at this time in the morning you could have at least got me a coffee" She grumbled as she started to sit up more in bed.

Emily rolled her eyes "Look on your table" she said as she sat on the bed.

"Pass me your cream" JJ held out her hand as Emily passed the cream over lifting her leg onto the bed allowing JJ to rub the soothing cream into her skin

"Mmm" she mumbled, relaxing under the familiar touch, of her soft fingers, as they worked the knot out of her muscles.

"They feeling better today?" JJ asked.

"Getting better every day I think" Emily replied as she turned herself to lean against JJ

JJ wrapped her arms around her body gently kissing her neck, this had now become the dance of the past few weeks gently kisses working themselves up, JJ unable to carry on, Emily smiled softly as she spoke "What are you scared of Jen?"

JJ hid her face in the nook of Emily's neck as she spoke "That you'll see the rest" she mumbled, Emily frowned slightly and choosing her words carefully, running her fingers up and down her back gently.

"Nothing can stop me loving you ever, I've been hooked on you since the first day I met you," Emily said honestly

JJ shook her head slightly "I don't want you to look at me differently or" she paused hating how she sounded. "Not that I think you will, it's just there are a lot of things I keep hidden" Emily nodded.

"Well when you're ready I will be here to listen and Jennifer just so you know nothing you say or do will make me look at you differently or even pity you"

JJ smiled softly as she lifted her head up looking into Emily's eyes "You really are something else Emily"

"I maybe that but we really need to get up and get dressed and then hopefully I can be allowed out in the field again" Emily half grumbled.

JJ chuckled as she started to move "Yes Ma'am!"

Emily slowly removed herself out of the embrace she was in as she started to get up so they could get ready "You know I love you don't you Jen" Emily mumbled as she headed into the bathroom for her morning rituals.

JJ watched Emily close the door before setting her clothes out for the day and finishing her coffee. Heading to the second bathroom; for a shower.

JJ slowly stripped her clothes off looking down at the marred scars on her legs. "How can I let you see?" she whispers to herself "How do I tell you?" she mumbles as she turns the shower on "Do I take a chance and show you?" she thinks to herself as she lets the water wash over her

Emily walks back into the bedroom and starts, to slowly, get dressed ready for the day as she starts to dress.

JJ walks in wrapped up in her towel "Em promise you won't run?" her voice is unsure wavering slightly as she carries on standing in front of her before she backs out.

"I promise I won't run" Emily says looking straight into her eyes.

JJ trembles as she drops the towel allowing Emily's eyes to rake over her naked form. Her eyes run over the scars she reaches out her hand lifting JJ chin so she is looking at her "You’re beautiful" she smiles softly the love shining through her eyes.

JJ blushes slightly, Emily kisses her softly as a moan escapes her lips JJ deepens the kiss pulling her closer as Emily's fingers run over her body. "Em" she says breathlessly "We need to get ready" as she pulls away from her, Emily nods as she runs her fingers down her cheek.

"You’re cruel you know that" Emily smirks as she moves away to grab her clothes

"You're not repulsed?" JJ asks as she finishes getting dressed.

Emily frowned "Do I repulse you?"

JJ shook her head "Never"

Emily smiles "You answered your own question" she smirked

* * *

** Location: BAU **

** Time: 9.30am **

They both walk into the bullpen, just as she goes to sit in her desk Hotch's voice booms into the pen "Prentiss, my office now"

Emily look wide eyed at JJ before walking up the stairs she knocks on his door and walks in "Hotch?" she asks slightly wary.

"You get the all clear?" his eyes looking at a piece of paper on his desk.

"Yes" She hands him the form.

"So why have you been avoiding the calls from the hospital? The doctor has rung me direct since you haven't responded to his letters or calls."

Emily leans against the chair "I will deal with it Hotch" her voice slightly cold, he nods

"Make sure you do it sounds important, you might not like them but considering"

"I know and I have my surgery book for a months' time" he looks at her.

"I got the paper work for that, are you sure 3 weeks will be long enough recovery" she smiles sadly

"Yes it should be, that everything?" she asks

"Yes that's everything"

Emily walks back to her desk and collapses into her chair "Princess? Everything okay" Morgan nods towards Hotch's office

"Oh, yeah, just great" she rolls her eyes before pulling out the first file.

"You need to talk you know where I am" he says softly, knowing not to push her.

The day seems to drag and Emily can't wait to be going home "You nearly ready" JJ asks as she walks up behind her.

"Just give me five" she half smiles as she finishes her last consult of the day

"You fancy going out for something to eat?" JJ asked softly.

"Sounds good"

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Time: 18.45pm **

"So are you going to tell me where we are going?" Emily asked as she walked out the bathroom.

"No, you will find out when we get there" JJ smirked as she finished getting ready.

"So it's casual?"

JJ turned and looked at her "Please tell me you have casual clothes and not all your clothes are over $100?" Emily rolled her eyes as she walked over to the wardrobe pulling out jeans and round neck woollen jumper.

"Yes, well my jumper cost $90 if that's any consolation" Emily joked.

JJ shook her head slightly as she let out a slight laugh "Funny"

"You asked" Emily teased

An hour later JJ pulled up outside a small Italian which looked more like it had been closed down the dim lights illuminated the doorway Emily frowned slightly "Please Jennifer tell me, is it safe?" Emily asked as they walked towards the rather shabby looking restaurant.

"Really Em, just because it looks like a rundown dump doesn't mean the food is bad" she smirked as she opened the door allowing her to walk in

Emily's eyes widened as she took in the out lay of the building they had walked into, the wall contrasted of small-candled light, which gave enough light to find your way through the small walkways between the tables.

Each table had a small candle, which gave a somewhat romantic feeling; some tables were set in booths with small tables for two. The rest of the seat where spread out into tables of 4 and 6 seating, there were a few people sat eating their meals and you can hear the low mumblings of people talking, it had a warm family feel to the place.

JJ walked over to the small bar "We have a booking for two, is there any chance we can sit at the back" JJ asked the man behind the bar.

He smiled softly "Certainly Jennifer would you both like to follow me" as he walked from behind the bar.

"Come here often?" Emily whispered into her ear as they followed him to the back of the restaurant to the booth which Emily was thankful that no one was sitting near.

"A few times" JJ said as they were seated

"Would you ladies like something to drink?" he asked as they both sat down

"Bottle of red please" JJ replied as Emily cut in

"Can I just have a sparkling water please" JJ frowned slightly at her "One of us needs to drive back" she smiled softly as the man handed the menus over and walked back towards the bar.

Emily watched JJ for a moment "Jennifer is everything okay?" she asked as JJ became very silent.

"Well one I thought it was time for us to have a proper date and I need, I want to talk to you tell you something's and I am a little unsure how to" JJ admitted. "And this well neutral ground I guess" she replied as she fiddled with the edge of the menu.

"Your drinks ladies" he smiled as he placed the drinks on the table before pouring JJ's glass of wine "Are you ready to order?"

"Can you give us a few more minutes please?" JJ asked as she looked at Emily

"Of course" he smiled before walking back to the bar.

They sat there for a few moments in silence as they looked over the menu, placing the menu down JJ reached across the table as she gently touched Emily's hand "There are things I need to tell you explain before" JJ turned away "We go any further."

"Look at me Jennifer" Emily said softly as she gently squeezed her hand drawing the blonde back to look at her "You can tell me anything" her eyes didn't betray her words as she conveyed all the feelings and love behind them, but JJ could still see the pain there, she nodded a slightly.

Emily signalled for the man to come and take their food order so they would be disturbed aside from when they brought the food over "Ready to order ladies?"

Emily nodded "can I have some Focaccia to start with, followed with duck ragu please" he nodded before turning to JJ

"What would you like Jennifer?" he smiled softly

"Can I have the Liver Pate followed with carbonara please" before handing the menus back to him he nodded and walked towards the kitchen.

JJ sat across her eyes not focused on Emily but on a spot behind her as she toyed with the necklace around her neck "my childhood was happy, well for most part anyway" JJ sighed slightly.

Emily squeezed her hand "I use to hang around with the girls that I played soccer with" she frowned slightly "we went camping kind of our last adventure as a group" she paused slightly

"There were always rumours around town, you see ten years before a group of girls went missing, they still, well they haven't found them" JJ looked down "we set our camp site up near the old farm house" she glanced up at Emily, as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"It was a good evening we joked laughed by the small camp fire we had set up" she swallowed hard as she tried to keep her emotions at bay "a few hours later we were approached by" she shook her head trying to not show her fear

"He was from the town over he spoke to us told us to be safe, and then he left or so we thought" JJ sighed. "We went to bed in our tents a few hours later, I was woken up by someone's hands around my neck."

JJ wiped her eyes, stopping the tears from falling. "He subdued me tied my legs and hands so I was only able to kneel or lay down, before dragging me out side"

They were, interrupted as their food arrived, JJ turned her face as he set the plates down in front of them, and Emily gave a small smile "Thank you" she offered before he retreated towards the bar.

Emily stayed quite keeping hold of her hand sad eyes turned and looked at her "Can…I mean…I need to just get my thoughts together"

Emily gave a warm smile and nodded "Let's have this and see if you want to carry on" Emily said kindly. JJ nodded as they started to eat in silence.

JJ started to finish as she spoke "he lined us all up outside the tent" she swallowed "the boys that were with us, got knocked out as Carly and I were placed in the back of his pickup."

"Jennifer" Emily said softly she shook her head.

"I need you to know Emily, please" she nodded as she tightened her fingers around JJ's

"Okay"

JJ offered a small weak smile "we were taken to what I can only describe as a barn, he tied" she let out a dry chuckle as she tried to keep her emotions at bay.

"Well to what I can only say was a board but more like a circle as he was able to get to front and back" she stopped again as the man came and took the plates Emily smiled and asked for their main meal to be held back for ten minutes, he smiled in his agreement.

"He whipped us both" she ducked her head down not able to even look at Emily "if it wasn't the whip if was his fists, he told us how unclean we were, and how he was going to cure us" JJ half sobbed from the memory.

Emily ran her hand comforting her along her arm "he, he" she swallowed hard as she closed her eyes. "He raped us both" she turned away in shame.

"Jennifer look at me please sweetie" Emily asked softly.

JJ turned to look at her there eyes meeting there was nothing but love and compassion in those brown eyes, and a slight bit of anger. "I still don't understand why it happened or why after he in his words cured us, he dumped us both outside the hospital"

JJ let out a have laugh "You know if he hadn't had done that he wouldn't have been caught"

Emily gave a soft smile "Please tell me he is rotting in a jail cell"

JJ shook her head. "He was until they found out what he had done, we weren't the first he had tried to cure, he was killed 4 months later." JJ shook her head "Emily I am glad he is dead, I am glad they did what they did to him. But part of me isn't because to this day I don't understand why we lived" JJ admitted

"It wasn't your time and I am glad he did as you put it 'dump' you at the hospital, because it gave us a chance to meet and for you to be in my life" Emily said softly.

The food was brought over just as Emily finished talking JJ looked at him "Thanks Mark" he nodded softly as Emily frowned

"Who is he?" Emily asked.

"A close friend" was all she could answer with, "Emily" she said unsure as she toyed with her food.

Emily smiled and looked at her "Jennifer it doesn't change anything to me, I promise" she said honestly.

After they had finished there, meal Emily had paid much to JJ's protest as they drove back towards Emily's, JJ spoke breaking the silence that had settled between them.

"When I saw what he did to you, it reminded me so much of what had happened to me, I know you don't want to talk about it yet and I know their maybe questions you want to ask but for now, can we just go to bed and you hold me?" JJ asked.

Emily reached over gripping her hand "I will always hold you, and I will tell you about Sarah just right now I just need time" Emily admitted as she pulled up outside her condo.


	16. Chapter 16

** Location: Elizabeth’s home. **

** Date & Time: 26 February: 02.55  **

Sarah reaches for the annoying phone, which was dragging her out of peaceful slumber, picking the phone up she half scowled into the phone.

"This better be a good damn reason you're waking me," she grumbled. Before she heard the dull tone of her, Mother on the other end.

"Sarah,” she said weakly "I'm sorry."

"Mom, sorry I thought it was someone else" Sarah replied as she fully woke up.

"Mom why you awake at 3am? Where is Jennifer?" her voice conveyed concern as Emily spoke.

"Can you come, I need you?" Emily asked softly the tears evident in her voice

"I can but talk to me please?" Sarah asked as she pulled herself out of bed throwing her jeans on.

"I'm pregnant"

Sarah nearly dropped the phone at her Mothers admission "Mom! You are. I mean is it," she stuttered out, her voice sounding a little stronger.

"Yes to both" as the sob ripped from her chest.

"Mom where are you?"

"Home" was all she managed between sobs

"Where is Jennifer?"

"Sleep in bed" she said weakly.

"Oh mom" she said softly as she finished getting dressed keeping her mother on the phone while she did.

She stepped out into the hallway "I'll be there soon okay" Sarah said as Emily hung the phone up. Sarah never looked as she spun to walk down the stairs-walking straight into her grandmother

"Damn it" she said as she jumped slightly.

Causing Elizabeth to raise her eyebrow at her grandchild "Sarah", she said firmly as she looked into worried eyes "Where are you going at 3am and I am hoping it is not to go and see David or I will be ringing your Mother" she warned.

Sarah shook her head "Mom needs me" she said sadly before turning to walk downstairs.

"You need anything or if Emily does ring me please" Sarah nodded her reply as she carried on out the door towards her car.

20 minutes later Sarah was turning her key in the door in the condo, her Mother was stood at the window staring at the capital, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist the silent tears falling her body trembling.

Sarah slowly walked up behind her Mother, "Mom" she said softly, as not to startle her too much.

Emily, was frozen to the spot she never registered Sarah at the side of her until she touched her shoulder her hand went automatically to the person's throat causing Sarah to gasp as she gripped her mother's hand.

"MOM!" she raised her voice as much as she could pulling Emily's hands away from her neck.

Emily's eyes went wide in shook, fear and then panic took over "Sarah, oh god, I am"

Sarah raised her hand slightly "I should have remembered," she admitted with a soft smile. Emily shook her head slightly "Come and sit down Mom," Sarah said as she took her hand leading her towards the sofa and turning the small lamp on.

"What do I do Sarah" her voice was unsure the tears rolled down her face. It had been a long time since Sarah had seen her mother broken and scared,

"What do you want to do?" she turned the question back around on her.

Emily sighed as she pulled her legs up towards her chest leaning further back into the sofa "No one knows" Emily admitted looking sadly at her daughter.

"Mom why have, why didn't you, I mean Jennifer wouldn't, she's been her for you every step of the way"

Emily nodded as she looked in eyes that reflected herself "shame guilt feeling dirty, she doesn't need"

Sarah stopped her "You're not and she does" she answered firmly

"What if its"

"Mother give her some credit please," Sarah said with a slight bit of laughter in her voice. "That woman loves you, hell has she even been home, since well" she looked down at her mother's stomach. "I'm sure she won't run from"

Emily nodded as Sarah wrapped her arms around her holding her close and tight. They both shared a bond and held not many secrets from each other. Only what they needed to keep to themselves.

JJ had stirred slightly from her sleep reaching her hand over to where Emily was the part where Emily should have been was empty and cold; her eyes flew open as she looked towards the bathroom seeing no light.

She got up to doubly make sure before heading down the stairs, the worry stretched through her body as the past few times she had woken to no Emily at the side of her, she has found her under a freezing cold shower.

As she reached the bottom of the stair the dull light shone through guiding her towards the living room as she walked in she stopped looking at the two brunettes curled on the sofa Sarah had hold of Emily her fingers running through her hair. Jennifer approached slowly as to not frighten either of them.

"She's asleep" came the soft and low voice.

"Sarah what's" she shook her head and looked at the blonde and smiled softly

"She rang I came" Sarah replied

JJ nodded knowing not to push her, she had learnt in the past few weeks that they were closer than most and they seemed to need each other, she just hoped that one day Emily would let her in fully.

"Would you like a coffee?" JJ asked as she turned to walk into the kitchen as Sarah replied,

"I'd love one" she smiled softly as she looked down at her sleeping mother.

They both sat in the living room watching Emily sleep peacefully in her daughter's arms.

 


	17. Chapter 17

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date & Time: 28 February: 1.14am **

Being a prisoner to your dreams and to your mind can be worse than the real things it never stops in your dreams or mind there are no breaks it just keep repeating over and over again until your body finally allows you to wake. You can feel it repeatedly sometimes you can even taste it. In addition, this was where Emily was at, the never-ending dream it feels so real. She screamed, begging for it to end.

It ripped JJ from her sleep that screams the one that makes your hairs at the back of your neck stand upon end. She brushed the hair away from Emily's eyes. Emily flinched at the touch trying to move away from.

"Please no. Please" she begged weakly she tried to curl herself into a ball anything to get away from the pain from the fear.

She spoke softly and calm even though she didn't feel it watching someone you love care for be tormented even in their sleep is never easy it is hard.

"Hey Em your safe" You want to wake them but you know you can't "I'm right here Em, Please wake up." It was more than a prayer.

Sarah stood in the doorway looking at them both. Watching your Mother go through hell was not something she wanted to watch but she knew it would come again

"JJ is everything okay?" Sarah asked keeping her voice low and soft

Emily started to stir slowly. As she woke she mumbled so softly her voice and fear running through her as her voice half screamed "Run Sarah and don't look back. Please".

Sarah's eyes went wide "Shit... Mom you need to wake up" her voice firm as JJ looked at her confused "Mom wake your ass up now" Sarah voice more firm as she walked over "Jennifer move" she warned just as Emily fist flew near her.

"Mother" she tried again as she stood at the side of her "If all else fails this always works" Sarah gripped her mother shoulders as she spoke "Mom if you don't wake your fucking ass up I will ring your mother"

Emily eyes opened wide the fear showing in her eyes as she searched her daughters face. “Sa...Sa"

"Yes that would be me" she gently ran her finger over her cheek

"I…I" she felt something move next to her as she began to panic

"Em, it's just me baby" JJ voice wavered slightly as she looked at her.

"Jen" she frowned as the haze of the nightmare started to lift. Emily's eyes where focused on the one thing, that two people that she knew would not hurt her. She was soaked with sweat she looked at them both in shame "I need a shower" she said weakly as she ducked her head.

JJ's eyes softened as she lifted her chin "let's get you out of these clothes sweetie"

"I'll go and turn the shower on, Jennifer can you" she looked at her mom "I'll go and make us all a coffee”

"Thank you" she smiled at Sarah.

"I feel sick" Emily mumbled as JJ started to remove her clothes.

"Let's get you warmed up babe" JJ said as she rubbed her back, she leant into her resting her head on her shoulder

"What did I do to deserve you" she whispered as she kissed JJ's neck softly,

JJ smiled softly as she kissed her head "Oh I don't know" she kind of jokingly she was rewarded with a worried but honest smile

"Thank you"

"No need come on shower missy"

She smiled as she finally got her into the shower, as she gently washed her, Emily gained strength from her "Emily what was your dream about?" she asked carefully.

"Basement and just something from my past kind of all mixed up" she said sadly.

JJ nodded as she stepped behind her wetting her own clothes "Let's get us both dry Sarah is making us all a coffee" she wrapped her arms around her pulling her close to her allowing Emily relaxed into her.

JJ smiled softly as she helped Emily into a fresh pair on pj's, Emily had gone silent her eyes hid nothing all the walls were down but her pain was raw and she could tell she was working something as they slowly made their way downstairs

Sarah smiled at them both "Mom I made you something to eat" she giggled slightly as she placed the half burnt cheese on toast with Lea and perr sauce on it JJ raised her eyebrow "Comfort food" Sarah replied to the unspoken question.

Emily just nodded as she drew strength again from her daughter "Jen I need to tell you something" JJ watched her as she saw the shame and fear wash over her emotions and the pain in her eyes

"You can tell me anything" JJ let as much love as she could shine through as she gently ran her fingers against her arm as she sat next to her

"Sarah" she whispered

"Mom it's okay" she reassured her

"Jen I'm…well I" Emily fell over the words.

JJ had a feeling where this conversation was going she knew something more had happened in the basement there was one part they could see and wasn't recorded on any feed or tapes.

She waited for a moment before she spoke softly "Emily I am not going anywhere, no matter what I promise" she smiled softly at her "nothing you say will shock me" she looked straight into her eyes seeing the tears well in her chocolate eyes it broke her heart to see so much pain in her.

Emily nodded as she looked away and her words carried around the room so softly "I'm pregnant" she sobbed "I don't know what to do" her eyes pleaded as she looked at JJ

"I know" was all she said as she wrapped her arms around Emily pulling her close.

"How?" Sarah asked

JJ chuckled slightly "I knew something else had happened" she said softly "But the question I have Emily is what do you want to do"

Emily just looked at her as the tears fell "I don't know" she admitted

"I'm not going anywhere no matter what you choose, Emily I love you" her voice conveyed nothing but love.

* * *

 

** Location: BAU **

** Date & Time: 28 February: 10.30am **

She tapped her foot against the floor looking towards the doors as she looked back down at the case file in front of her, turning the page the pictures were like a knife to her soul, her face paled as a hand touched her shoulder, the fear washed over as she automatically reached for her gun.

"Whoa Emily it's me" Rossi moved back.

She didn't respond, never answered as she rose from her chair heading straight out the door racing towards the toilets. Falling to her knees as the bile rose as she vomited

Rossi looked down at the file "Son of a bitch" the angry in his voice as he picked up the file "Which prick put this on her desk" He growled as he throw the file down the pictures sprawling over the floor.

Morgan eyes widened as he saw the picture "I...I… Shit"

Emily vomited again her body sagging against the toilet hearing the click on the door again she flinched for her gun, the ghosts haunting her mind "Emily it's only me" the soft voice spoke as she gently moved the hair out of her face as she vomited again.

"So..Sorry" she mumbled as her voice shuddered

There on the floor sprawled out for everyone to see Emily naked battered body their hearts went out to her "Dave what's going on?" Hotch's voice echoed around the bullpen.

His eyes flashed in anger. "Some sick bastard gave Emily her own fucking case file, that's what has happened." with that he walked out of the bullpen leaving a very shocked Hotch

"How on earth did that get onto her desk?" he asked as both Morgan and Reid answered at the same time.

"No idea, I thought this" Morgan motioned to the file "Was you know filed far away from us all"

Hotch nodded "Where is she"

"Bathroom with JJ" he answered weakly.

Hotch turned and headed into his office picking up the phone "Can you ring Sarah please and ask her to come here please" he hung the phone up not waiting for Garcia to answer, she frowned into the phone before she started to dial the number they now had for her

* * *

 

"Hi Sarah it's Garcia is there any chance you can come to the BAU?" she asked

"Okay I can be there in five I am just around the corner, is everything okay?" she asked the concern evident in her voice.

"Not sure Hotch asked me to ring you"

"I'll" she stuttered slightly "Just walking through the door where do I go?" she asked

"I'll come and get you" she said kindly

* * *

 

Emily sat there shaking everything flooding back the pain the fear the part none of them knew, or saw, she placed her hand over her stomach as the tears fell from her eyes.

As the bile rose in her throat again "Jen...nifer" she stumbled over the words as JJ rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm going to ask Hotch if I can take you home... Okay" she said softly as Emily slowly tried to regain her senses, she nodded as words failed her. "You think you can stand and can come back into the bullpen?"

Emily nodded "breathe mint?" she asked weakly.

JJ smiled "Since you asked so nicely" she replied

* * *

 

"Hey Sarah" Garcia greeted her with a warm smile but the worry in her eyes gave her away

"What's going on?" She asked her voice strong just like her Mothers.

"I'm not sure he didn't tell me" she admitted as she led her into the elevator.

The doors opened as she led her into the bullpen. Morgan's eyes were sad as he looked up seeing Sarah "Hi Sarah" he said sadly she frowned her eyes narrowing dangerously, he knew that look Emily used it enough on unsubs.

"This way Sarah" Garcia said softly noticing the tension between Morgan and Reid she scowled slightly as he shook his head.

She knocked on the door and walked in not giving him chance to speak as she entered her voice had turned slightly dangerous as she spoke "What the hell is going on and where is my mother?" she glared at him, he took at breath before he explained "YOU DID WHAT!" her voice echoed through his room as the team looked up to his office "WHERE THE HELL IS SHE" her temper had gone the second he had told her what had ended up on her desk.

JJ guided a very pale and shaky Emily back into the bullpen walking her into the kitchen just as she heard the familiar voice of her daughter boomed through the bullpen "Wh…what is" her legs gave out just as JJ caught her, Morgan rushed over helping to steady her pulling a chair so she was able to sit

"Do you not screen things before you place them on her desk, or is this a sick twisted game?"

"Sarah I can promise you those files where meant to be locked away so she never saw them"

She could see the sadness in his eyes as she mumbled "You're as bad as the CIA, but at least you admit when you've fucked up" she said harshly as Hotch frown at her in shook

"CIA?" He asked

"Don't you dare ask" she warned just as JJ knocked on the door walking in.

"Hotch, Sarah I'm taking her home" she stated before turning to walk out Sarah glared at him

"Thank you Jennifer, where is she?" Sarah asked softly JJ turned and looked over towards the kitchen.

"Kitchen"

"I am going to request you allow her the rest of the week off” Sarah’s voice brooked no room for Hotch to even say no

"I'll clear it"

Sarah walked over to her mother kneeling in front of her "Mom?" looking into her dull eyes "Oh mom" she said her voice soft and gentle, seeing her mother had shut down "Let's get you home" her finger ran down her cheek as Emily leaned into the touch, she nodded slightly "Jennifer can you get her things so we can go"

"Got them" she smile softly

"Em can you stand for me" she asked softly as she wrapped her arm around her waist, they guided her out of the BAU and down into the parking lot opening the car and getting her into the back of the car "Sarah can you drive?" JJ asked her eyes never leaving Emily.

"Sure" JJ got into the back of the car pulling the silent brunette into her

"Sorry" she muttered as JJ kissed her head

"Shh, let's get you home" she said softly as Sarah pulled the car out of the parking lot and driving them both home.

Sarah and JJ helped Emily up to her condo "Whiskey or scotch Mom?"

"Sc...Whiskey" she muttered as they guided her to the sofa, JJ never leaving her side Emily curled into JJ "Don't leave me please" she said weakly

"Never" she said firmly as Sarah gave her Mom the glass

"You can only have one Mom okay" Emily nodded as she wrapped a protective arm around her stomach

"When, how" she looked at her daughter

"I know you Mom and as for the other Garcia rang me." she smiled softly.

 


	18. Chapter 18

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date: 1 March: 08.00am **

Emily sat staring out the window thinking about what to do she is torn she hasn't got a clue how to tell anyone she feels dirty and tainted by everything she thought she had managed to build her walls back over it and just move on. But inside she is broken and hurting and doesn't know how to ask for help, or how to open up fully.

**_Dear Jennifer,_ **

**_I know you say you are there for me and you love me, I fell for you the second I met you and that hasn't changed, I love you as well, I know you have had so much dumped on you in a short period meeting Sarah. She has been my rock; the reason I have never told anyone about her was and is to protect her._ **

**_She has been through too much, she has been hurt too much because of my job and my choices, but I only regret one thing and that was when she got hurt._ **

**_Jen she nearly died because I went undercover, and no one had my back, please don't get me wrong though, I trust the team, and I trust you._ **

**_But when it comes to her I trust no one and neither does she, but she sees that you make me happy and she can tell you love me, as for what I told you, it is why I haven't been back to the hospital, I feel dirty and tainted and scared and I have only ever been scared once, but now I close my eyes I see the basement, then I see the man that hurt my baby._ **

**_It has taken me so long to pull her through that, and in the end she pulled me back, I hide behind my walls but I allow you in because I can see you I can feel you and more than anything I trust you._ **

**_I know I may make no sense but I am so unsure what to do right now, how do I tell Hotch I'm pregnant how do I choose to keep it, a reminder of the pain the hurt, the disgust I feel, I hate myself Jen and all I want to do is run!_ **

**_I want to crawl and hide away. How do I make that feeling go away? How do I let someone catch me because I am falling and I am scared if I fall this time no one will be able to pull me back._ **

**_I blame myself, I was so confused the last case it ripped me apart you asked once why children get to me so much, it's because I know what it is like to see your child suffer and watch your child be beaten and branded because I couldn't protect her. Forgive me? Please!_ **

**_I wanted into the BAU for so long I worked hard to get where I got, I know many of you thought my Mother pulled strings for me to get into the team, but_ ** **_she didn't have any hand in it, yes she would rather me be in white collar, and that is because she saw the damage that happened to me and Sarah because of my job._**

**_If I hadn't gone to the bar that night, if I had asked him to leave me alone, I knew he had a thing for me Jen, but I never thought he was capable of that of this, what kind of profiler does that make me?_ **

**_I should have seen the signs I should have known, I kind of flirted back with him and I have no clue why I did it maybe I dissevered this on some level._ **

**_Maybe I didn't but, how do I get past this how do I heal and get back to me? I know you don't have the answers maybe I am writing this just so you know that I am standing on the brink and I am unsure and don't know how to get back._ **

**_I wanted to die! I prayed to die. It hurt so much I never knew your body could sustain so much pain and not give up or do I have something to live for? Can you live with a shell or can you save me? Or I'm I asking too much._ **

**_I am so lost right now and I know I am rambling but my mind is so jumbled. How can you look at my body and not be repulsed? If I choose to keep this child would and will you still want to stand by me? Will you hold me or do you think I am dirty and tainted like I feel? I don't want to push you away Jennifer._ **

**_I need you!  
Emily….._ **

* * *

 

** Location: BAU **

** Time: 07.30am **

"Jayj?" Garcia looked at her friend her eyes blood shocked and looking like she had just got back from a case with little sleep.

"Hey Pen" she said sadly not meeting her eyes

"Talk to me sweetie" she said as she walked in sitting down on the chair

JJ sighed as she finally looked up at her best friend "I don't know how to help her Pen, how do I make her feel safe? Its Emily she is normally so strong so...Ugh!" She slumped further into the chair as she tried to pull herself together

"You be strong for her and we will be strong for you, give her time JJ, she has been through so much in the past few months, and if I am honest it was only a matter of time before she broke" she offers a weak smile

"She is so open, yet she won't talk to me, how can I help if she doesn't talk to me, Garcia she had a bad nightmare last night and if Sarah wasn't there I don't know what I would have done" she leans back as she pinches the bridge of her nose "I just want to wrap her up and take the pain away but I know I can't"

"Give her time and love, and JJ, Sarah has had 20 odd years to know how to deal with her, hell she has the same temper I thought she was going to kill Hotch when he told her what had happened I have never seen anyone so angry and yet the second she came over to her mom she calmed right down"

JJ chuckled "Mini Emily"

Garcia nodded "Very much a mini Emily, but JJ she loves you and that is what will pull her through" Garcia smiled at her as she stood up "If you need me you know where I am and I think I can speak for everyone when I say you need anything either of you day or night you ring one of us"

"Thanks Pen" JJ smiled as she walked out.

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Time: 14.05pm **

Sarah watched her from the door studying her as she wrote she half smiled as she finally spoke "Mom you ever thought you can let her in?"

Emily looked up from the table turning the paper over "What good could that possibly do?"

Sarah sighed as she walked in "You can't punish yourself for the past, you taught me that"

Emily smiled not quite meeting her eyes "That would mean me fully telling her about you and" she shook her head.

"Mom I can tell her about me if that makes it easier, I have seen her with you Mom she loves you, do you not see that?"

Emily half laughed "Telling her everything I could lose her"

Sarah rolled her eyes "And you call yourself a profiler?"

Emily frowned "What the hell is that supposed to mean"

"It means you are too close to this to see how worried she is, how close you are to the edge, I remember mom I remember everything, I remember you nearly killing yourself through guilt and I will not stand here and allow it" she said firmly. "You are stronger than you think mom, are you going to keep it?" she smiled softly as she asked her

"I have no clue, what would you do?"

Sarah smiled as she half chuckled "Mom you didn't get rid of me did you, and I don't think you'd be able to get rid of the little one growing inside you"

Emily nodded "When you grew up so much"

"Oh somewhere between England, France and here, you have always been here for me, allow her to be there for you"

Elizabeth stood in the hall listening to what her two girls were talking about, a tear rolled down her cheek as she walked into the dining area "She is right" she said softly making them both jump

"Mother" Emily looked down the shame again running over her. "How long have you been here?" Emily asked carefully

"Long enough to know she may have a brother or a sister"

"Oh" she offered a weak smile.

"Emily this was never your fault and I think Jennifer is good for you, you know she never left your side"

"Would you both be okay with me keeping" she stopped looking at her mother and daughter.

They both answered her at the same time "Yes"

"And we will both stand by you, does Jennifer know?" Elizabeth asked.

Emily nodded "Do you think it would be too fast to ask her to move in"

Sarah and Elizabeth both laughed "We thought she already had" she looked at them both wide eyed

"You I you did?"

"Yes but asking her might be a good idea and also bigger house?" Sarah smirked

"Thank you" Emily said softly as she folded the letter up placing it in an envelope.

"So have you girls eaten?" Elizabeth asked as they both shook their heads "Well I think we should all go out and get something to eat"

* * *

** Location: BAU **

** Time: 14.15pm **

JJ stayed in her office most of the day unless she needed a coffee, Morgan looked up at her office as he looked at Reid "Doesn't look good does it"

Reid looked up from his file to the door then to Morgan "I think it will be" he nodded not fully believing it, his phone vibrated *come to my lair* he chuckled "I'll be back kid" as he got up and headed out.

"Baby girl you wanted me?" he smiled as he leant over her shoulder

"So which idiot caused my brown eyed girl distress which she didn't need"

Morgan stepped back slightly "I have no idea"

"Well someone did, hell looking at the feed she could have pulled her gun on Rossi"

He sighed "But she didn't" he replied, as she spun round hitting his arm "ouch! What was that for?"

"Not having your partners back. Tell me have you got my back?"

He glared at her "That is not fair, you know I have hers and your back and I always have had"

"Then why aren't you there for her?" she looked at him as her words soaked in

"Shit... I just... she..."

She raised her eyebrow "You're her best friend and partner Derek of course she needs you" she shook her head "You need to let her know you're there for her and take some of the weight off JJ"

He nodded "I will, how are we going to help JJ though?"

"Oh that's simple" he frowned slightly "Let her vent at you and maybe take her out to the ba… a bar"

He looked at her "Yeah we need a new hang out" he stated reluctantly.

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Time: 18.45pm **

JJ finally had arrived at Emily's it had been a long day and she knew it may become longer Emily had been having bad nightmares she was also confused with where things stood between them both, she hoped that she was wrong Emily had pulled away slightly and JJ was waiting for her heart to be broken one way or another.

Slowly she opened the door as her senses were attacked by the smell that emanated from the kitchen, even though it was dark outside the condo was coated in a dim glow of light, she sighed slightly as she walked in fully.

"Emily?" she called out softly, she waited for an answer yet nothing came she carefully walked towards the dim light within the kitchen.

There in the kitchen stood Emily lost in her own world as she stirred the pan in front of her, her head nodding to the sound in her ears, JJ chuckled slightly as she walked behind the brunette, carefully she wrapped her arms around her waist, Emily smiled softly as she leaned back into the familiar body that had engulfed her. She rested her head on her shoulder turning slightly to kiss the neck.

"Jennifer" she husked slightly.

"Hey" JJ whispered, she finally looked around spotting the table candles scattered around the dining area "What's all this Em?" she asked softly.

"I made dinner" Emily simply stated as she nuzzled into her more. "You are hungry?" she asked her voice wavered slightly as she spoke. JJ nodded against her. "Go get changed babe, you have time for a shower if you want one" Emily said as she moved out of the embrace.

"I won't be long" JJ said as she moved and head out of the kitchen, her shoulders slumped slightly as she walked up stairs, as she entered the bedroom she frowned slightly as she saw an envelope on her pillow with her name on it "Emily" she whispered as she picked it up, her heart sank as she opened the letter her fears playing slightly as she began to read.

The tears rolled down her face as she read the letter her heart reached out to her she trembled slightly "Oh Emily" she muttered as wiped the tears away from her cheek, her heart broke slightly as she read the last bit, she couldn't think of anywhere she would rather be. She slowly placed the letter down as she began to strip out of her work clothes her mind was wrapping around what she had written.

Slowly she stepped into the shower allowing the water to run over her body her finger trailed her legs running over the scars she had, she let out a dry chuckle," how can I be repulsed when I have these" she muttered to herself before stepping out of the shower, wrapping the towel around her as she began to dry herself, before getting dressed and walking back downstairs.

"Feel better?" Emily asked as JJ entered the kitchen

"Much better" she replied "do you need a hand with anything?" JJ asked.

Emily shook her head slightly before she spoke "I just have to plate it, you go and sit at the table Jen" her words came out as more of a hush as JJ made her way to the table taking a seat as Emily brought over two plates

"Mmm, looks good" JJ commented as Emily placed the plates down before taking a seat. She smiled softly "thank you"

"Jennifer we well we need to talk" Emily said softly

JJ nodded "about?"

"About us" Emily stated as she looked uncertainly at JJ, JJ sighed softly part of her worried Emily was going to push her away despite what the letter said "Sarah pointed a few things out to me, and well I was wondering if you'd like to move in permanently, I know you didn't sign up for this" she said as she looked down "But I also know I can't be without you, I can understand though if you say no" Emily said as she keep her eyes down, she hadn't seen JJ get out of her seat and walk around to her, lifting her chin up so that Emily was looking straight into her eyes.

"First off" JJ said seriously causing Emily shy away slightly "I thought I already had moved in" she said with a slight smile "And secondly I always knew life with you was never going to be dull" She bent lower as she gently guided Emily's lips to her drawing her into a tender kiss, she broke away still smiling softly as she spoke "And thirdly I can't move in here with you" she looked straight into her eyes as tears started to fill in brown ones "But" she continued "I would gladly move into a bigger house that has a yard with you" she smiled kindly "And Emily we will tell the team everything together, I read your letter and I can promise you that I am not going anywhere other than into your arms and our home and this little one" she said as her fingers ran over Emily's stomach "Will have two loving parents" 

Her emotions became too much for her as the tears wrecked her body, JJ pulled her close "I love you Emily and that will never change" with their meal forgotten JJ took her hand "Come with me" she coaxed her slightly, taking a very nervous brunettes hand in hers she helped her stand wrapping her arms around her tightly.

JJ gently blew out the candles before taking Emily's hand again and leading her upstairs, towards their bedroom, Emily hesitated for a moment before JJ reassured her "Your safe Em, I promise" she whispered into her ear as she ran her fingers down Emily's sides catching the outline of her breasts causing the older woman to shiver slightly, JJ tilted her head slightly as she began to kiss along her jawline up towards her lips pulling her into a deep kiss that left them both panting as they broke away.

JJ looked into her eyes which had now darkened with desire as she slowly began to undo the button on her blouse as she gently kissed her neck whispering softly into her ear as her fingers grazed over the new exposed skin, Emily shivered at the touch her blouse dropped to the floor as JJ reached behind her back undoing her bra strap, JJ carefully removed the straps allowing them to fall to the floor as one hand cupped the exposed breast as she began to guide them both back towards the bed.

Her finger gently grazed over her nipple as she spoke "lie down Em" she said softly as her pants dropped to the floor, Emily nodded slightly as she laid down on the bed her body hummed as JJ continued to kiss along her neck before settling on her pulse point causing a slight moan from the brunette as her fingers gently grazed over her nipple as she gently began to roll it between two finger as her lips kissed down her chest her tongue gently running over her skin towards her other breast JJ's lips latched around her nipple as her tongue gently grazed over it as she began to suck softly.

Emily moaned as JJ sucked gently against her breast her fingers twisting the other slightly, she pulled her closer as Emily's finger ran through her hair pulling her closer to her skin, she moaned softly against Emily as she began to kiss back up towards her lips.

"Jennifer" she husked as she looked into deep blue eyes leaning down as she cover her lips with her own into a deep kiss.

Emily ran her fingers over JJ's back and sides as she began to lift her top over her head breaking them both from the kiss, JJ moaned loudly as Emily cupped her breasts kneading them between her fingers, the fire burned in her stomach as Emily began to twist her nipple causing her to gasp and moan against the brunette as she settled on kissing her pulse point.

"God Emily yes" she moaned as finger raked against her skin.

JJ arched into her touch as her hips began to move against Emily leg, she could feel the wetness between her panties as she rocked against her thigh, JJ moved up slightly as Emily pulled her upwards gently he lips making their way to her chest, grazing her tongue over her nipple before gently sucking her teeth grazed the taut nipple before soothing it with her tongue. JJ's leg rested against her core as she continued to rock against her, Emily tensed at the touch slightly causing JJ to stop.

"Emily" her eyes met with brown ones which were basked in fear and sorrow "Shh, it's okay" she said softly as she kissed her gently.

"I...I...I'm sorry" she muttered as she hid her face into the blondes, JJ ran her fingers through her hair as she spoke softly

"It's okay baby, let me hold you tonight" her voice latent with love and understanding

 


	19. Chapter 19

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date: 9 March: 06.05am **

It had been months since Emily had slept the whole night without nightmares waking her she slowly stirred from her sleep feeling warm hands around her naked body as she nuzzled closer to JJ not wanting to wake or move from where they were, JJ gently moved her hair away from her face as she gently kissed her neck.

"Morning Em" she whispered.

"Mmm morning" Emily smiled as she pulled the blonde closer.

JJ had been watching her for the past two hours lost in her own thoughts for the first time in months Emily looked peaceful, she smiled softly at her "You ready for the day ahead of us" she spoke softly as Emily tensed a little.

"No" she replied weakly

"I won't leave you Emily but we need to tell them, but more importantly we need to tell Hotch" she kissed her forehead as her fingers ran up and down her back.

"You're too awake" Emily grumbled as she started to fully wake up JJ chuckled as she leaned up "That I am" she smirked down at the brunette.

Emily frowned slightly "How long have you been awake" she asked as JJ moved to get out of bed.

"Awhile"

Emily looked at her studying her face "Hmm how long is awhile?"

"Long enough to know you had a peaceful sleep for once" Emily shook her head slightly as she began to move a little too fast causing herself to become dizzy "Emily! You okay?" JJ asked as she saw the change in her

"Need to pee" she replied as she tried to get up again, JJ laughed as she watched Emily near enough run into the bathroom.

* * *

** Location: BAU **

** Time: 8.25am **

"I hope he is here I kind of want to get this over with" Emily muttered as they both stepped out of the elevator, JJ kept her hand on the small of Emily's back as they began to walk towards the doors.

"He should be, you'll be fine Em I promise" as they walked into the bullpen, looking up towards Hotch's office for the tell tail signs that he was there.

The dim light lit in his office cast his shadow against the blinds "Here goes nothing I guess" Emily said as they walked up the catwalk knocking on his door

"Come in" he called as he looked up from his desk "JJ, Prentiss everything okay?" he asked as a very nervous Emily walked in followed by JJ who closed the door, he motioned for them both to take a seat.

"If you're busy we can come back" Emily muttered as she walked over to the chair

"What's going on?" he asked softly as he looked at both his agents.

"I well we I guess" Emily stumbled over her words not knowing where to start, JJ took hold of her hand and looked at her boss with a soft smile

"Just breath" JJ said softly to her as she tried to speak again.

"I guess I have a slight problem" she frowned thinking this was worse than telling her mother she was pregnant at 15, she looked away from him, "I'm pregnant" she whispered, Hotch only just heard since she spoke so softly.

"Emily" he said pulling her gaze to him as she swallowed "How" JJ shook her head as tears welled in the brunettes eyes.

"She is three months along" JJ spoke as she looked at him.

His face was blank for a second as he finally pieced together what JJ had said "Oh Emily" he said softly the emotion he felt for her evident in his voice, she nodded "I'm sorry" she muttered not wanting to look at him "do you need anything?" he asked as he looked between them both.

JJ smiled at him "Well two things really" she said as she held Emily's hand in her own "Can, well would you mind telling the rest"

He nodded "I will, what's the second" he asked with a slight concerned gaze.

"Can you help us move once we have found a house?" JJ laughed as she spoke.

He looked between them both for a moment as it finally sunk in what she was really meaning "Of course, I will let the team know it is not optional" he smirked before looking fully at Emily "Emily" he said softly "You know you will have all our support" she nodded in response not fully meeting his gaze as she mumbled.

"Thanks"

They both rose as they exited his office "JJ call everyone in to the conference room once they get in please" JJ nodded as she closed the door behind them, she placed her hand on Emily's arm

"Em, you okay" she said softly

"I.. Can we tell Garcia before they come in" she said a little unsure.

JJ smiled softly "of course we can" she said as they made their way towards her lair. Knocking gently on her door, JJ opened it "You got a minute Garcia?" JJ asked as she closed the door behind them both, turning round and smiling brightly at them both

"For my favourite couple I have more than a minute" she grinned before looking at Emily "Everything okay?" she asked.

JJ took Emily's hand in hers as she spoke "We need to tell you something Pen" Emily suddenly found the floor a more interesting place to look as she gripped JJ's hand a little tighter wrapping her other hand around her stomach.

"Jayj? What is it" she asked noticing that Emily had become withdrawn, "Emily?" she said softly as she looked at her two best friends, gaining strength from the blonde Emily spoke her voice waving slightly as she did

"I. Well I mean I'm.." she paused slightly before the words fell from her lips "pregnant" Garcia stirred slightly at them both her mouth slightly ajar as she spoke

"When? How?" she frowned slightly.

"Pen" JJ shook her head as she looked at Emily the tears rolling down her face her cheeks reddening in shame.

"Oh my god" she mumbled "Oh sweetie" her voice conveyed worry and support for bout her friends "You need anything, anything at all"

JJ smiled softly "Thank you, we are having a meeting soon and you need to be there" she nodded as both of them left her lair.

Emily looked at JJ "You go ahead, I just need to" she looked over to the toilets.

JJ nodded "Okay take your time okay" she squeezed her arm slightly to reassure and give comfort before she walked back into the bullpen, looking around she couldn't help but smiled.

Morgan was throwing makeshift aeroplanes at Reid as he was throwing balls of paper into the trashcan his arms coming up in a triumphed cheer as he shouted goal.

She rolled her eyes slightly as she approached "Morning JJ" Morgan smiled as she ruffled Reid's hair

"You know Hotch will take all your toys if you don't behave" she smirked slightly before she became serious.

"Where is my princess" Morgan smiled as he looked towards the doors.

"She won't be long but can you guys come into the conference room in about ten minutes, Has Rossi arrived"

Morgan nodded at her request "He's with Hotch" he smiled.

"Thanks" she smiled before walking into her office.

Emily washed her face trying to gather herself together, she wasn't sure if today sucked or not yet, only time will tell she thought to herself, as she tried to settle herself before facing the firing squad, she loved the team but she was worried of what they would think of her, she knew it wasn't rational but she couldn't help it, she sent a text **'What if they hate me?'** she hit send as she calmed herself again today was going to suck. Slowly she made her way into the bullpen giving a weak smile at Morgan before turning to make herself a drink her phone vibrated as she looked at the message **'No one is going to hate you baby x'** she let out a small smile as she saw Morgan walk towards her.

"Hey princess" he said softly he could always read her moods and he knew when to push and when not to, but looking at his partner today her couldn't work out her mood and that worried him slightly.

"Hey" she answered softly.

"We are wanted in the conference room"

She nodded "Then why are you still down here" she said with a half-smile

"Well I didn't want you taking all the heat for being late" he chuckled as he wrapped his arm over her shoulder "Come on Prentiss, we can get shouted at together" Emily rolled her eyes slightly but followed him all the same.

She knew what was coming and as they both walked into the room Morgan still had his arm around her as they both looked at their boss, he nodded as they both took a seat, it didn't go unnoticed by the rest that Emily had become more withdrawn as she sat down and they were less surprised to see JJ stand behind her with her hands on her shoulder as Emily half relaxed under her touch swallowing hard as she closed her eyes, she just wanted this to be over with, it seemed to drag as they waited for Garcia to arrive.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked as he saw Garcia enter.

Reid looked around and whispered to JJ "Is someone leaving?" she gently ran her finger through his hair, she always felt like she was his big sister, but today she couldn't reassure him of anything she needed to keep it together for Emily, she wasn't sure if they would take the news bad or good.

Emily closed her eyes as Hotch started to speak, "Right first off, No one is leaving" he smiled softly at Reid to ease his worry, they all nodded in response

"So what's going on?" Morgan asked as he frowned slightly.

Hotch only got them all together if they were all going on a case or something worse was coming. He glance at Emily before he spoke again giving her a reassuring smile before he started again.

"As you all know the past three months have been hard and very difficult for us all, more so for Emily and I would like to thank you all on her behalf for the support you have given her" Emily stayed silent as she leaned more into the blonde as she rubbed her shoulders. "There are going to be some changes after recent events" he looked at his team as he spoke, Emily shifted slightly in her chair becoming more and more unease, sensing her unease Hotch smiled softly at her "Emily why don't you go wait in my office" she nodded as she started to move out of the room, JJ stayed in the room before walking and standing next to Hotch.

Morgan looked at them both in concern "Hotch what is going on" his voice was unsure as he spoke "In light of these events more information has come to light" he pause for a second.

JJ touched his arm slightly as she spoke "This maybe hard and come as a shock to you all and I am hoping that you will all support us, Emily is pregnant" She paused as she looked at her friends.

"That…that means" Morgan couldn't get his words out as he stood up

"Morgan." Hotch warned slightly as he moved towards the door.

"Don't Hotch" he said as he closed the door behind him walking straight to Hotch's office, his eyes laced with concern as he opened the door looking at his partner.

"Emily" he said softly as her sad worried eyes looked at him, he smiled softly at her as he walked over to her "You could have come to me princess" he said softly as he took hold of her hands

"I…didn't know" she swallowed slightly.

"I will always have your back, your my friend my partner and above anything I love you" he said as he looked straight into her chocolate eyes, she nodded "come on" he said as he pulled her to her feet "We are family and family stick together" he wrapped his arm around her as he guided her back into the room "You know Derek is a great name" he said playfully as she punched his arm softly.

She took her seat as Morgan stood behind her looking at both Hotch and JJ "Why do I feel there is more coming" Emily chuckled slightly as JJ spoke "Well since you have asked" she smirked as she looked at a more relaxed Emily "We are going to need your help in moving" she laughed as Hotch spoke

"And it is not optional" He stared at his team in all seriousness.

Reid spoke slightly unsure of what to say "Do we congratulate you? Normally when people"

"Reid!" they all said at once silencing the young genius, Emily laughed slightly as she looked at him and nodded

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date: 30 March: 05.33am **

Luckily the team had been given some time off since they had, had nothing but back to back cases for the past few weeks Emily began to tier more JJ had become more worried that Emily wasn't fully slowing down or hadn't fully taken herself out of the field which had become something or a disagreement with them all, Hotch had finally put his foot down and told her she had to stay in the office and help JJ or Reid, no more time in the field unless they were interviewing.

This was a week they had been waiting for, today they would find out the sex of the baby, they had also planned a few viewing of different houses after Garcia and Morgan had ganged up on them, they were due for an early start, the appointment for her scan was at 8.45am. Then they were meeting Sarah for breakfast before heading to meet Garcia and Morgan, but morning sickness was not part of the plan.

Emily had been pulled out her sleep with a half cough as her stomach churned as she half ran towards the bathroom she never had chance to grab her gown or reach the toilet before the sickness started her head lulled against the cool porcelain bowl as her body sagged against the cold surface of the floor as she mumbled to herself

Emily groaned slightly as she rested her head over the toilet as she began to vomit again, she rubbed her stomach slightly as she tried to settle the sickness down, JJ stirred from her sleep as she moved her hand over to where Emily should be, the covers were cold as she moved more before the noise disturbed her thoughts more.

"Shit" she mumbled as she struggled to free herself from the covers,

She winced as she glanced at the clock before walking towards the bathroom, "Emily" she whispered softly as to not startle her, Emily groaned in response, JJ shook her head as she walked over to her rubbing her back gently, she mumbled

"Morning"

JJ shook her head slightly "let me run you a bath" JJ said as she turned the taps on "you must be freezing" JJ muttered as she continued to rub her back.

Emily nodded "Not how I wanted my morning to start" she grumbled, JJ chuckled slightly as she pressed her lips on the back of her head.

"Not a good look either baby" she responded as she pulled her hair back out of her face noting that she hadn't fully managed to make it to the toilet in time.

But today of all days she wished that the morning sickness would relent or at least start at a decent hour, Emily leaned back slightly into JJ's body as the bath had finished filled.

"Let's get you cleaned up sweetie" she whispered into her ear as she helped her off the floor.

Emily turned slightly as she wrapped her arms around JJ's body resting against her shoulder "Didn't mean to wake you" she muttered as JJ carried on rubbing her back soothingly

"You didn't, but really Em, you need a bath" she smirked as she kissed her forehead

"Is that your way of telling me I stink" Emily grumbled as she stepped into the warm bath

"In a sense yes" JJ teased, Emily shivered slightly as the heat met her cold skin,

"What time are they coming round" she groaned

"I think around 10, but Sarah will met us here for breakfast" JJ said as she started running the cloth over Emily's body.

It had been three months since she was attacked and Emily still hadn't been able to fully look at herself, she had caught the odd glimpse in the mirror but she still shied away, yet she allowed JJ to look at her, she still felt shame but JJ made her feel loved and beautiful even though she didn't feel it herself, well not yet anyway.

She leaned into the touch as JJ started to wash her hair, she flinched slightly as she looked into blue eyes, the sadness was still there but not as much as before and despite things Emily was getting back to her somewhat normal self.

"Jennifer" she whispered as she moved back into her touch.

"Yes sweetie" JJ smiled she was use to this every now and again Emily would flinch or become a little skittish but it was happening less and less,

The nightmares were slowly fading and only seemed to appear if they had a case that hit a little close to home for her, but the words that came next JJ was not fully ready for.

"I'm ready" Emily whispered softly as she gazed into her eyes feeling the warmth and love within them.

JJ frowned slightly before the smile took over "Are you sure Em?" she asked hoping that Emily wasn't pushing herself too fast, she nodded against her hand which was rested on her cheek brushing softly against her skin

"Let's get you out of the bath then baby" she spoke softly as she helped her up wrapping the warmed towel around her body, they both walked into the bedroom as Emily walked over to the full lengthen mirror she turned and looked at JJ

"Jennifer" she mumbled trying to keep her composer.

JJ smiled as she walked behind her wrapping her arms around her waist "I'm here sweetie" she smiled softly as Emily leaned into her fully.

JJ gently gripped the top of the towel keeping hold of Emily's gaze through the mirror she whispered softly in her ear "You're sure babe"

Emily nodded against her keeping the gaze as JJ gently removed the towel running her fingers down her sides as Emily stared into the mirror taking an unsteady breath she let her eyes wander, her breasts were marred with criss-cross lines where the whip had sliced her skin, they were still red even though they had healed, JJ gently traced her finger along each scar on her chest a tear ran down her cheek as her fingers reached to her core.

JJ stilled her fingers pulling them away as she held her gaze again "Shh, it's okay" she soothed as Emily let out a shuddered breath,

She knew she would need surgery to correct all the damage done to her core she leaned fully into the blonde hiding her face, JJ ran her fingers gently through her hair "You are beautiful Emily" she said softly as she laid a soft kiss on her temple.

* * *

** Location: Gynaecologist Appointment **

** Time: 08.38am **

Emily sat in the waiting area her hand clasped tightly with JJ's as her foot tapped nervously on the floor, JJ had tried to still her movements and reassure her that everything would be okay, but as she had learnt over the past few months Emily never believed things would go smoothly, not just because of what had happened to her but mainly due to her upbringing and work,

"Emily please" JJ tried again the constance tapping on the floor was slowly driving the blonde insane.

Emily looked into blue eyes as she tried to still her movements "I'm sorry, I... well what if" she was cut short by a now very impatient blonde

"Will you just stop, before you have me checking myself into the mental ward" she glared at her.

"Please tell me you wasn't like this when you was pregnant with Sarah or god help me" JJ mumbled to a now very still quite brunette, JJ looked at her with wide eyes "Oh god, you was wasn't you!" JJ said slightly gobsmacked as she ran her hand through her hair.

Emily looked at her slightly a soft smile escaped her lips as she finally replied "Will it make you feel better if I said I was worse" she half chuckled.

She remembered the first time all to clearly, she sat with her mother in the small waiting room as people stare at her she was uncomfortable and it didn't help that her mother's disapproving gaze was fixed intently on her, she knew she has hurt her mother but in trying to fit in with the local boys she had found two friends Matthew and John, both from the states and both in the diplomatic core, they understood what her life was like and they quickly became friends.

JJ shook her head "Why am I not surprised by that" she chuckled as it dawned on her "You was with your Mother wasn't you?" she tried her best to hold back a smirk as the image of the brunette being carted into the office and awaiting for someone to come and check on her and the baby.

"Yes she was and please stop smirking, it so was not the most pleasantest of experiences and back then me and my mother didn't really see eye to eye" she smiled softly as she carried on slowly relaxing

"I was rebelling against everything and more so against politics" Emily sniggered "And yes my Mother disapproved greatly I was an embarrassment to her back then but when she held Sarah, it changed everything, she turned into a doting grandmother and mother, to say it was strange was an understatement" Emily sighed slightly as she was pulled out of her memories by the nurse calling her name

"Ms Prentiss?" the young nurse stood looking at the two women, as they both rose Emily keeping hold of JJ's hand as they walked into the room "If you would like to lay on the table and relax for a few moments while I go and get your Doctor" she smiled brightly as she exited the room through another door, Emily rolled her eyes as she got onto the bed laying back, looking to JJ.

"Jennifer" she said softly "it may sound bad but I hope it's a girl" she said somewhat sadly as she looked into understanding blue eyes.

"I know sweetie, but no matter what we will love her or him" as she spoke she ran her finger softly against her cheek trying to convey as much support as she could.

The slightly tapping on the door pulled them both out of their own thoughts as an older lady walked into the room "Good morning ladies" she greeted brightly "Morning" they replied in unison, her soft gaze landed on Emily as a small smile emanated from her lips "First things first so you feel more comfortable, my name is Dr Young, I have been asked to take over your care, since it was felt you would feel more comfortable with a female" she smiled warmly.

Emily smiled at her "Thank you" she said softly the thought of a male touching her still made her cringe on the inside.

"It also may be easier if you was to be in a gown as I need to be able to see if you can have a natural birth or if it will be easier for you to have a C-section" she waited for the information to sink in to the brunette before she continued "I have spoken to Dr Grant and he has informed me of" JJ interrupted before she unsettled Emily more then she already was; the death grip that Emily had on her hand was a sure sign to how uncomfortable she was with this conversation.

"If you would give us a moment so Emily can put a gown on" JJ said softly her voice steady and strong as she looked at Emily.

"Of course" she smiled as she turned to leave the room to give them both some privacy.

"Jennifer I can't" Emily shook her head suddenly very uncomfortable with the thought of someone looking at her core.

"Can we just tell her a C-section would be for the best" Her eyes pleaded with the blonde, but JJ shook her head

"Emily no one is going to judge you and you have nothing to be ashamed of and she needs to" JJ sighed softly "For me" she held the brunettes eyes in her own as she ran her fingers softly down her arm to steady her.

"I will be here I am not going anywhere baby" she murmured lovingly in her ear she slowly reached for the green and white gown that was resting on the chair. Emily reluctantly swung her legs over the table as she stood letting her pants slide to the ground placing the gown over her she laid back down onto the table as they waited for the Doctor to come back.

The soft tap on the door told them she had returned as JJ's soft voice filled the room "Come in" the door open as the Doctor walked in a soft smile on her face as she closed the door behind her "I know this maybe uncomfortable for you Ms Prentiss"

Emily cut her off "Please call me Emily" she requested as she gripped the blondes hand

"Try and relax" she said softly. "Can you bend your knees for me" she asked softly as she noticed Emily had closed her eyes leaning into the blonde more, her heart went out to these two, she had read the file which Dr Grant had given her and knew the injury's which she had injured, she placed the gloves on her hands as she lifted the gown slightly to give better access to her gently she covered Emily's lower body back up as she smiled softly at the blonde.

"C-section maybe the way to go" she said to them both "Emily if you want when you have the C-section and we could correct the damage to make it more comfortable" she pause as Emily opened her eyes looking at her sadly

"I'd appreciate that" she admitted.

"Well you have a think about it, you do not have to come to a decision today but it is an option" She replied softly "Right shall we see how the little one is and if I am able to depending on what position the baby is in you might be able to find out the sex if you would like"

Both Emily and JJ responded together "we would like that" they both smiled as the Doctor lowered the gown down exposing her stomach.

Emily flinched slightly as the Doctors eyes looked at her scared body closing her eyes again as she rested her cheek against JJ's hand which was lovingly stroking her fears away

"Right Emily this will feel cold on your skin" she smiled warmly at her as she placed the gel in her stomach.

Emily's muscle's contracted under the coldness of the gel letting her body get use to the unfamiliar sense as the doctor started the scan, a soft beating could be heard from the machine as Emily turned her face looking at the grainy screen "Is that" Emily muttered

The doctor looked at her smiling "That would be a very strong heartbeat, must take after you" she smiled as JJ smirked

"God I hope it doesn't have your stubbornness"

Emily rolled her eyes slightly as she fixated herself watching the screen in front of her "Are you able to tell?" she asked as she watched the small thing inside her shift slightly.

The Doctor smiled softly at them both "I think this is a stubborn one doesn't seem to want to move"

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date: 09.45am **

Sarah sat in the quite of her mother's home looking through the broacher's that were scattered over the kitchenette, she chuckled to herself as she mulled through them.

"Must be JJ's choice" she mused as she looked at the small brownstones she shook her head slightly as she pulled another booklet out of her bag which she had picked to look through, they were new properties, had large gardens and double garages, she knew JJ might have felt uncomfortable either that or she really didn't know the full extent of her mother estate.

The key rattling in the door disturbed her from her thoughts as she turned to switch the coffee machine on to make them both a coffee, no matter how different they were one thing they all shared was their love of coffee, the door slammed behind them as they made their way into the kitchen Emily smiled at Sarah who returned the smile as she placed three cups down on the table.

"Hey Mom, JJ how did it go" Emily smiled softly the baby is healthy she grinned as JJ picked up the cup smelling the aroma that came from the coffee

"Thanks Sarah" she grinned.

"Okay can you both put me out of my suspense please and just tell me instead of sitting there drinking the bloody coffee" Sarah gripped at them both causing JJ to laugh as Emily's hand swatted Sarah's arm

"What would you like to know?" Emily teased slightly as Sarah rolled her eyes and half pouted

"Boy, girl, hermaphrodite?" she grumbled as both women bust into fits of laughter

"Hermaphrodite? Really Sarah" Emily rolled her eyes as she chuckled; "Of all the things to say" she shook her head as JJ tried to control herself.

"You’re just not going to say, are you?" Sarah mused at them both.

"After I have finished this lovely coffee and Jennifer has controlled herself" Emily smirked.

JJ sat there chuckling away never had she thought Sarah would come out with that "That just, well tickled me" JJ said as she was trying to calm herself down wiping the tear which was rolling down her cheek away, slowly she breathed through her musings as she fully got control or her laughter.

"Sorry" JJ said still smiling at the thought she shook the thoughts from her mind as she took a sip of the coffee a slight moan leaving her lips "Where on earth did you find this coffee Em?" JJ asked as the rich flavours attacked her senses "I swear it is on the lines of them truffles" she grinned.

Emily smirked "Now if you were to know that we would have to kill you" she teased as JJ scowled at them both "That is not fair" she grumbled.

Emily slowly placed the empty cup on the table before looking seriously at her daughter she sighed as a small grin emanated from her lips "So you'd really like to know?" she asked as Sarah groaned at her

"Yes, I asked didn't I?" she frowned at her slightly.

JJ shook her head these two were so alike it was uncanny "Sarah you may want to stay seated" JJ advised as she took Emily's hand in her own

"Well you're going to be a sister" Emily paused as Sarah scowled more at her mother

"Damn it will you just tell me for Christ sake" she half shouted

"Sarah" Emily warned as she added "I hope your sister and brother do not take after you"

Sarah gaped at her mother "As in two! As in, twins? As in oh my god" Sarah fired out the statements in quick succession to her mother "twins" she whispered again Emily shook her head softly at Sarah.

"I can see that school of yours is worth every penny" Emily mumbled to herself.

JJ chuckled "Yes that's exactly what we said" as Emily smiled softly at her daughter

Sarah stared at both women still slightly taken aback with the news 'two, two babies' she thought to herself as she tried to wrap her mind around the new information that she had come across "So you really need a bigger place" she grinned at them both, Emily rolled her eyes slightly as she looked at Sarah

"Calm down Sarah" Emily chuckled "Really maybe we should have sent you to finishing school" she mocked, this in turn caused Sarah to turn on her heels to glare at her mother

"No way in hell" she nearly shouted back as Emily laughed.

JJ walked over to the fridge leaving Emily and a still shocked Sarah to their own musing as she started to get the food together for their breakfast which had now slowly turned into brunch.

"Mom I've been thinking" Sarah said softly "I hope you don't mind but I picked up these broacher's for you both to look at and now seeing as you really do need a bigger home well" Sarah trailed off as she handed Emily the broacher's.

JJ gasped as she looked over Emily's shoulder "We can't afford somewhere like that" she whispered as she looked at the front cover.

Sarah let out a startled laugh as she nudged her mother "You not told her yet have you"

Emily pulled herself out of her thoughts "Huh?"

"And you say I need finishing school" Sarah joked

"Oh, well no I haven't because it has never come up in conversation" Emily said as she looked at a now slightly anxious JJ "Jennifer, just have a look through and see what you like and we can take it from there" she paused slightly "Just keep it away from Garcia" she teased as JJ skimmed through the glossy pages

"Why are there no prices?" JJ questioned as she looked through the pages

Emily laughed slightly "So people will enquire more and they will be more likely to buy" she shrugged as she spoke.

"That is not really an answer Em" JJ muttered "Let's just say they are way over $200.000 and leave it at that" Emily smirked "We will talk later about it okay" Emily smiled softly

"So what we having to eat?" Sarah asked looking at JJ

"Well I was thinking maybe a salad since it is now 10am and Morgan and Garcia will be around shortly" both Sarah and Emily nodded as they started looking through the pages.

"Jennifer would you rather live in a gated community or not?" she asked slightly distracted as she looked at a beautiful picture.

The house was large 5 bedrooms with an annex attached, two double garages a pool and very spacious garden, three rooms downstairs and a beautiful large kitchen, JJ looked over Emily's shoulder as she placed the food in front of her.

"Wow!" she murmured as she took the seat next to her "Emily that must cost a fortune" she said in a hushed voice

Emily shrugged "Maybe but would be worth it, should we see if we can book a viewing today and all five of us can go and look"

Sarah interrupted slightly "Mom I have to go out of town this afternoon so I won't be able to come with you" she smiled softly as she started to eat.

"Oh okay" Emily replied her mind was in other places right now as she slowly turned the pages.

JJ looked through the pages and found a few more houses she would like to look at but she had also pointed out she didn't want to be spending a small fortune on a house which Emily disagreed with.

"You two sound like an old married couple" Sarah joked as they argued over where they would like to live

"I…Well..." Emily struggled to get her words out as she stared at Sarah before looking at a now blushing blonde "Please ignore my daughter some days she forgets she is an adult not a teenager" she scowled at her slightly 'Sorry' Sarah mouthed sensing her mother was slightly annoyed with her.

After a few phone calls they had viewing set up for the afternoon to view four properties. They sat there in comfortable silence as they waited for Morgan and Garcia to arrive.

Emily had lost herself in thoughts, as the silence washed over them

_' **A change is sometimes good, it means you are able to either put demons to bed or simply move past them. Even learn to live with and through the scars, but sometimes it comes at a cost or not depending on what circumstances are drawn your way!**_

**_There is that saying out with the old in with the new. But this was it really in her eyes._ **

**_Emily Prentiss was no longer the person she was. She was different and she felt it, she knew it, but some part of her liked this new person the other side hated it._ **

**_She had become skittish around people if they came to close or if a touch was unwelcomed or the touch came out of the blue, she would flinch away._ **

**_The nightmares no longer plagued her like they had for the first few months sometimes though they came back and the shame and fear would engulf her mind._ **

**_She knew the best thing that had come out of it all was Jennifer after years of trying to hide her feelings she had finally admitted to her, though it had been through a third person or persons, which she didn't mind she knew her mother and friends meant well._ **

**_But this right here, right now, was what mattered and maybe just maybe she would be able to ask the question she had been planning for the past month to ask, part of her thought it was too soon, but her heart ruled her head for once._ **

**_Hopefully I will get my answer tonight' she thought to herself._ **

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Time: 11.15am **

A slight knock on the door pulled Emily out of her thoughts as she went to stand to get it, but JJ had managed to beat her too it, the enthusiastic voice of Garcia could be heard all through the condo as Sarah muttered slightly before the two came in to the kitchen "She always this loud Mom?"

Emily laughed "Sometimes, but mention shopping or going out for the night she is worse" she replied.

"Hey princess" Morgan greeted as he walked into the kitchen followed by a now whispering JJ and Garcia

"Hey yourself" Emily smiled

"Emily" Garcia said brightly as she looked at her "Hi Sarah"

"Hey too you both" Sarah said as she moved the dishes from the table. "Mom, I am going to get going, I will see you tomorrow" she smiled as she kissed her mother on her cheek.

"Don't get arrested or anything worse" Emily joked. Sarah waved her hand as she walked out of the door.

"You guys want a coffee?" JJ asked as they sat down

"Please" they both answered, “So where are we going to start looking?" Morgan asked as he looked at all the books spread across the table.

"Well we have a few viewings this afternoon then maybe we could all go out for dinner?" Emily said smiling softly.

Garcia clasped her hands together as she started looking through them "Wow Emily some of these are just beautiful" she beamed as she picked up the ones that Sarah had dropped off.

JJ finished making the drinks as she handed Emily a ginger ale smirking as the brunette looked at her "Thanks" as she ran her hand over the small bump that was now showing.

"How are you doing Emily" Morgan asked as he watched her with concern.

"I'm good just been a very long morning" she smiled as she sipped her drink.

Soon they were bundled into Emily's SUV driving towards the gated community, there were more good points to the houses here they were far enough out on the outskirts but also closer to work if they were late or they came late back from a case.

"Emily you sure you know where you're going" Garcia asked as they pulled up to the security office to let them through.

"Yes I do" she mused the drive had been quite for most part aside for Morgan and Garcia talking in the back, JJ rested her hand on Emily's leg her fingers tracing patterns over her pants, the brunette stilled her fingers before looking at her "Jennifer" she smiled softly at her "Please can you"

JJ blushed as she realised what she was doing to the brunette "Sorry" she chuckled stilling her fingers against her leg.

They pulled into the driveway of the first house and was greeted by the estate agent "Emily, it is so good to see you" she beamed as she shook her hand, looking at the three other people standing by the car.

Morgan let out a small whistle as he eyed up the outside of the property "This looks really nice" he muttered to himself.

"Shall we go inside" Rachel said as she lead them towards the front door and opening it for them to enter

"Thanks” they all muttered as they walked in JJ's jaw dropped slightly she gasped loudly

"Emily" she whispered as she gripped hold of her arm.

"Would you like me to show you around or would you like to look yourselves?" she asked.

"Do you mind if we look ourselves please" Emily replied before taking hold of JJ's hand.

Garcia and JJ were speechless as they walked into one of the rooms. It was big and spacious with a lovely view of the front garden; it had an open fire in the middle of the far wall that had bookshelves at either side.

"Have these ever been lived in?" Garcia asked

"I don't think so" JJ muttered as they walked into the second room.

Which was slightly larger, there was enough room to get a nice dining table in and still they'd have plenty of room it was set just to the side of the kitchen, the kitchen was very big and fully of the latest gizmos a six ringed gas stove two ovens were built in to the units which also used a grill, it had a larger island in the middle and a rack hanging down for all the utensils to go on which meant more cupboard space the door to the side opened up to another room that looked out to the back garden, it consisted of double doors and two more full windows, this room also housed a fire though it was more concealed than the front room.

Emily walked behind JJ wrapping her arms around her waist "Shall we take a look upstairs" she whispered in her ear as she placed a kiss on her cheek.

JJ could only nod in response as Emily guided them all upstairs, the master bedroom came with an en-suite that had a bath and shower cubicle and plenty of room, the bedroom had four built in wardrobes and could easily fit a four poster bed in, as they left the room they looked into the other four rooms, all were spacious and light and one that could be used as a guest room, as they headed back down the stairs to meet Rachel, who was sat in the kitchen Emily spoke softly.

"Can I see the annexe?" Rachel nodded and guided them all to the side door which looked more like it could be a cupboard, the annexe itself was minimal but enough room for two people, and it consisted of two bedrooms a kitchen a small dining area and a nice spacious lounge.

"Emily there is a small surprise for you if you all want to follow me back downstairs" Rachel smiled as she took them all through to the garage opening the single door which lead down into a basement.

"You guys have a look I'll wait up here" Emily said as she looked down at the stairwell leading to the basement.

JJ looked at her for a moment "Em, you okay"

Emily smiled softly though the smile didn't reach her eyes as she whispered "Too soon"

JJ nodded understanding why Emily would rather not go down the three of them followed Rachel down, it was very cool in there and along the walls and down the middle housed wine racks with enough room to store 100's of bottles "It is tempered controlled down here and runs off a separate supply source" She commented as Morgan eyes bugged nearly out of his head.

"Wow, I know where I'll be staying now" he grinned causing Garcia to slap his arm "Ouch! What was that for?" she just glared at him slightly before they all headed back upstairs.

"Well princess that will keep your wine very much cool and safe" he smirked.

"Is there room for beer as well?" Emily asked as JJ nodded, "Shall we have a look outside?" Emily asked JJ nodded as they all headed out into the garden, the back garden was spacious with a heated pool "Morgan would you be able to put railings around that?" Emily asked Morgan smirked

"Of course I can" he said with a wink causing Emily to roll her eyes

"I forgot you're male and macho" she joked.

"Emily two of the other houses you have asked to view are the same layout as this really so would you rather just look at the last one?" Rachel asked

"Just let me ask Jennifer" she smiled before walking over to JJ "Jennifer the other two are like this so if you like we can just go and look at one more and then go for food" she smiled softly as her stomach growled making itself known to all.

"That maybe a very good idea can't have you going hungry" JJ smirked.

They finally pulled up outside the final house they were going to look at, it was very much the same as that other but the one difference to it which had JJ grinning like mad, to the side of the master bedroom was a locked door as they entered it housed an office with enough room for them both to work and also keep the files safe as well as two tables.

"Emily this is just"

Emily laughed "let's look at the bathroom" she smirked knowing that this may sell her the house more, the house was much larger than the others and had three bathrooms but the one in the master bedroom had a special added feature a Jacuzzi, JJ's eyes went wide as she looked at it "Emily" she whispered slightly breathless "This is beautiful, but" she trailed off slightly

"Jennifer if you want we can think about it we don't have to say yes right now or anything and there are also things you need to know okay" she smiled softly "but right here isn't the time or place we will talk about it tonight" JJ nodded, though she had to admit she had fallen in love with this house and could already see them living somewhere like this.

"Rachel we will think over these tonight and hopefully I will be able to give you an answer tomorrow" she smiled

"That is fine Emily, tell your mother I said hello won't you"

"Of course" she replied as they headed back outside towards the car.

"So where we going to eat" Morgan asked from the back seat.

"Well I really feel like grilled cheese" Emily smirked "But we can always find a Chinese or a grill house" her hand rested on JJ's leg tracing pattern like what JJ had done when they were on their way to the house viewing

"Em please" JJ half whimpered as she took hold of her fingers

"Sorry" though she didn't move her hand she kept her fingers still as they all finally decided on the grill house.

They drifted into the early evening laughing and joking over the meal, JJ yawned slightly resting her head on Emily's shoulder Emily ran her finger through the blondes hair "I think we should get this one home" Emily teased to the very sleepy blonde at her side as she waved the waiter over so they could pay "My treat guys" Emily said as they started to pull their money out

"Oh I'm house hunting with you more often if I get fed" he grinned.

JJ dozed in the car as they pulled outside the condo Emily turned to Morgan not fully wanting to disturb the sleeping blonde "Can you give me a hand getting her inside please" she smiled softly.

Morgan half carried JJ into the house, helping her on to the sofa she mumbled her thanks as she settled on the sofa. Emily let them both out thanking them for coming with them as she walked back in locking the door behind her she kneeled down next to JJ slowly coxing her to wake so they could go upstairs.

 


	21. Chapter 21

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date & Time: 1 April: 03.15am **

JJ moaned softly her body tingling from the dream she was in, she snuggled more into the warmth that laid next to her, as she relaxed more into the dream opening her legs more to the fingers that were trailing her skin, she sighed softly through another moan, her body becoming more alive.

Emily let out a quite giggle as she toyed with the blondes nipple gently rolling it between her fingers as her over hand traced over her pubic bone her lips were around her other nipple sucking softly as the blonde moaned under her, she felt JJ cuddle closer to her and her legs open more, she was taken aback with the warmth she felt emanating from her, in slow movements she let her fingers trail through the blondes folds, feeling the wetness that was already there.

JJ moaned again as she whispered her name "Emily, mmm" her hips moved slightly,

Emily chuckled against her breast as she ran her tongue over a very taut nipple before gently nipping it between her teeth, as her fingers ghosted through her folds she began to trace soft kisses across her chest dragging her tongue down towards her stomach dipping it gently and circling it around the entrance of her naval, JJ moaned loudly now her muscle's twitched in her stomach.

Emily never stopped and for JJ's part she was still in her lovely dream, the one that had been going on for the past month, Emily feathered the kisses as well as using her tongue as she moved down towards her goal, JJ reached over to hold Emily and pull her closer but her fingers meet empty sheets, as Emily blew cool air over her core before her tongue feathered over her folds teasingly, JJ moaned louder this time as her mind came out of the blissful sleep it was in, her body highly attuned and aroused as her hand searched for Emily just as she felt a tongue run up the full length of her core, Emily smiled and moan as she breathed in the smell of her arousal gently running her tongue over her clit, before gently taking it between her lips.

JJ gasped her fingers tangling in the brunettes causing her to look up which intern caused her to moan before settling back between her legs, JJ was flushed with arousal as she moaned loudly she realised just how close she was to her climax

"Yes, Emily, yes" she chanted as Emily dipped her tongue into her core, before returning back to sucking and nipping on her clit, slowly and gently Emily ran her finger through her folds her mouth never breaking contact she eased two fingers in to her centre as she gently pushed her in to her climax.

She waited for the waves of her climax to settle as she removed her fingers JJ moaned softly at the loss of contact as Emily trailed kisses up towards her lips pulling her into a passionate kiss running her tongue along JJ's lower lip to be allowed entry which JJ was all too willing to give, Emily moaned into her mouth as the JJ moan tasting herself on Emily, gently she pulled away when the need for air became too much for them she smiled softly into swirling blue eyes.

"Mmm hey" Emily whispered.

JJ still reeling from the climax that had taken over her senses smiled lovingly at her "Wow" was all she managed as she moved closer to Emily's body. After a few moments silence the words came out as she moved closer into her arms "Emily, I love you" she whispered.

"I love you too" Emily grinned as she placed a kiss to her temple before pulling away slightly.

"Where, what" JJ mumbled as she felt her pull away.

"Need to pee" Emily half groaned as she moved from the bed hearing JJ giggle as she walked into the bathroom.

JJ had turned the bedroom lamp on by the time Emily had returned looking at her with doting eyes "Not that I am complaining but"

Emily raised her hand "You started it, I just finished it" she smirked as she climbed back into the bed

"Oh sorry" she blushed

"Never be sorry and never say sorry for that" she chuckled as she pulled her closer switching the lamp off so they could get a few more hours sleep.

** Date: 1 April 2007 06.45am **

JJ nuzzled closer as they both began to stir from there slumber "Morning beautiful" Emily said as JJ opened her eyes wiping away the sleep, "Mmm morning" Emily chuckled slightly taking in a full look at the woman she loved "Sleep well" Emily mused causing JJ to laugh

"I had the best dream, but someone woke me up" she teased back as she leant in to kiss her softly.

"I'll remind you of that" Emily teased back as she pulled out of the kiss.

"I guess we should get up" Emily almost groaned she had woken back up hungry and very thirsty and yet again she felt like her bladder was going to bust as she lifted the covers to go to the bathroom, JJ lied there for a moment with a silly grin on her face as Emily watched from the doorway before walking back in "You look like the cat that got the cream" she mused.

"Mmm" JJ replied her mind still on their early morning actives "Just thinking about last night" she said softly

"Oh did I miss something?" Emily teased which caused JJ to roll her eyes.

"Too early Prentiss I really need coffee before your wit gets too much for me" JJ said playfully as she finally climb out of the covers and headed straight for the bathroom

Emily poured them both a coffee as they sat at the breakfast bar "Em, how are we, well I mean, that house was, but" JJ couldn't seem to get her words out.

Emily laughed softly "For someone who uses words for a living you can't seem to convey any this morning" she teased

"Seriously Em, that house has got to be" Emily shook her head it was still too early in the morning but she knew she would have to tell her sooner or later.

"Jennifer we can afford it" she started as JJ shook her head

"How though I know how much you get paid and well it isn't that great" she said looking into deep chocolate eyes.

Emily smiled "Just give me a second" Emily said as she got up walking over to the safe that was in the front room, pulling out a box that had all her finances in she brought it over to the table placing it down between them.

"I guess this is where you find everything out" she mused as she looked JJ "Right first off, please do not let this scare you in anyway and please put your cup down" Emily said waiting for JJ to place her coffee cup down on the table, "Jennifer we can afford the house so please stop worrying if you like it we can go and sign or even pay for it today though I am sure it will take a few weeks to go through" Emily smirked. "As for this it's only money or a building" she handed over a file which were for her restaurant, a vineyard and coffee plantation she also owned

"Emily you own these?"

Emily nodded "Also a villa in France a cottage in England and not forgetting this building" Emily smiled as JJ looked at her with an opened mouth.

“Sarah has a trust fund which she is not allowed to touch till she is 25, I also have a trust fund and a few other bank accounts which I hardly use unless I really need to" she took a breath as she study a very quiet JJ "Is this too much for you, to take in?"

JJ shook her head "I just, Emily that's a hell of a lot of money" Emily laughed as she handed a brown envelope over to her, JJ opened it frowning slightly as she saw her name "What is this?" she asked as she fully looked at the paper.

"Mother set it up for you" Emily shook her head slightly

"No its, I can't" JJ stumbled as she looked at the fund Elizabeth had set up for her "Why?" she finally asked

"Jennifer, your family to us well your more to me I hope" she smiled softly "And everyone who enters our family gets one" Emily stilled her hands over JJ's as she looked into shocked blue eyes "Jennifer I love you and I don't want to lose you" Emily moved from her chair standing straight in front of her holding her gaze "And I also believe you didn't read the top part correctly" Emily smirked

JJ eyes went wide as she took in properly what the heading said, Emily took the paper off her keeping her gaze on her as she did "Jennifer Jareau would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" Emily asked as she pulled out a purple case.

Emily stood in front of JJ; her mouth was slightly ajar in shock, "Jennifer?" Emily said softly the worry starting to show in her eyes as she went to move away from the very quiet JJ, she started to move the box away which held a small sliver ring with 3 diamonds inserted and also was very practical for work so it wouldn't snag on anything.

JJ sat there in shock as the words spun in her head 'marry, as in marry' JJ though to herself as she looked at Emily noticing that she was backing away slightly with a sombre expression on her face,

'Damn it too soon, too much' Emily mentally berated herself, JJ watched her for a moment her hands trembled as it finally dawned on her she hadn't spoken, a small smile showed on her face as she jumped off the stool into Emily's arms, still unable to form words she mumbled into her neck as the tears started to run down her cheek wetting Emily's shoulder

"Shh, I'm sorry" Emily said softly as her eyes filled with tears, this was too soon, too much.

JJ shook her head slightly sensing Emily was taking her the wrong way as she pulled away looking deeply in to her eyes, looking for any sense of betrayal or hesitance on Emily's part but she found none aside from worry and hurt, but most importantly she saw love cupping her cheek as she sobbed slightly

"Y..Y...es" she stuttered out as she pulled Emily into a gentle kiss.

Pulling away slightly she looked into deep chocolate eyes holding her gaze as Emily's eyes studied her face "That's a yes?" Emily asked unsure that she had heard her correctly.

JJ nodded as she pulled Emily into her arms "That's a big yes" she said in a slight giggle "You sure know how to shock a girl Ms Prentiss" JJ said once she finally was able to form words.

Emily took her hand in her own as she pulled the ring out of the box "May I?" she asked softly as the smile radiated her face for the first time in months the smile reached her eyes.

"You may" JJ smirked "About that house?" she asked shyly as Emily put the ring on her finger.

Emily bit her lip slightly "Can I ring and confirm please?" she ask looking into bright blue eyes that were filled with unshed tears.

JJ nodded before she spoke "Little early though" she mused as she looked at the clock which now said 8am

"She will be up and also she will not mind since she will get a lovely bonus" Emily laughed pulling JJ close to her running her fingers through her hair.

"I love you Jennifer" she whispered softly against her forehead placing a soft kiss, JJ tilted her head so she could look at her as she smiled softly, it was the most beautiful thing JJ had seen in a long time.

"I love you too" she said cupping Emily's chin guiding her head down for a loving kiss before pulling away "I guess I have to let my mom know now" JJ joked as Emily rolled her eyes

"You haven't told her?" Emily frowned slightly.

"It has never come up" she joked back,

"Really, oh, then yes you need to tell her but only when you are ready" Emily said in a soft and serious voice.

JJ finally sat back down as Emily's stomach made itself known to them both "Are you hungry by any chance" she joked as Emily's stomach growled again

"I woke up hungry" Emily said as she half laughed "But I got distracted by this beautiful lady"

JJ flushed slightly as she rolled her eyes "You really have been spending too much time with Morgan" JJ said as she got up walking over to the fridge to find something for them both to eat "What do you fancy and no eggs" she said sternly

"Oh well maybe bacon sausage and tomatoes" Emily said

"You're really hungry aren't you babe" JJ said as she pulled the food out of the fridge and lighting the stove

"Hmm, I am" her eyes raked over the blondes body

"Emily stop it" JJ said softly as she turned to look at the brunette

"What I didn't do anything" she smiled sweetly

"I can feel you watching me" she smirked back, as she stood at the stove watching the food she looked at her hand studying the ring it was perfect as it suddenly dawned on her, she need to get Emily a ring.

"Em, would you mind if I rung Pen and asked if she wants to go shopping with me today and maybe you and Morgan can have some time together, I think he has been missing you a lot lately" JJ said as she plated the food up, handing Emily two slices of buttered bread.

"Sure sounds like a good idea sweetie" she replied as she began to eat "But first we settle on the house so the paper work can go through"

"What you going to do with this place?" JJ asked as Emily laughed slightly

"Oh that's easy, I'll just sign it over to Sarah, I'm sure she will be grateful not to stay with my Mother or Fath" Emily trailed of slightly; she took a sip of her coffee.

"Em, why do you never speak of him" JJ asked with slight concern, no one had met her Father and he was also someone she never spoke of, but right now as Emily had started to say his name, something flashed over Emily's eyes, a look of hurt and partly shame mixed in with uncertainty.

Emily smiled weakly at her as she tried to form words to somehow partly explain "he, well, I guess" she paused slightly "he hurt my Mother, before Sarah was born"

JJ frowned slightly but her face conveyed understanding "And you have never forgiven him?"

Emily half chuckled "I guess I have been waiting for him to apologise, for what he said and what he did, not every family is perfect Jennifer and mine is far from it" she smiled sadly before she carried on "He cheated on my Mother with the secretary" she looked down slightly "when he found out I was pregnant he nearly disowned me, calling me a slag, a whore, and an embarrassment to the family name" she sighed softly "he hurt us both deeply but I cannot and I refuse to deny Sarah from knowing him, and he loves her"

Emily lost herself in the memories as she carried on speaking softly "She doesn't know her dad and she won't ever know him, he was a guy I met a few time got into something's I really shouldn't have, I lost my virginity to him, Matthew and John helped me a lot through it Matthew stood by me when the church turn against me, I went to them for advise and let's just say they went very helpful they judged me, and all I was trying to do was fit in, I was so lost back then Jennifer" she smiled softly at JJ as the blonde smiled and nodded softly.

"Emily she is the double of you and Morgan and Garcia think she has the same temper as you" she laughed slightly remembering hearing her voice boom through Hotch's closed door into the bullpen.

"Do you think they will try and split the team up, I mean Strauss is well so against these things" this caused Emily to laugh loudly

"Not if she wants to keep her job it won't be an issue" JJ went to say something as Emily shook her head "Something's you are better off not knowing" she smiled looking at the woman who had stolen her heart.

JJ smiled softly as she removed their plates taking them to the sink she kissed Emily on the cheek "I think he is so wrong you are not an embarrassment to anyone" smiled before turning the taps on as she started to wash the morning pots she started to speak softly. "My mom and dad supported me in all fairness but after my sister died, well we grew apart I wanted out of the town away from all the memories, every time I am there it is a reminder of Andrea and also of what happened to me, what I lost, my life is here with you" she smiled softly as she looked out of the window above the sink "I know as long as I am happy they will be, they are protective because of everything that has happened, so my dad may put you through an interrogation but I would rather they came here than go back there, unless we have too, it still hurts Emily, I may have dealt with it and put it behind me but it still hurts" JJ's voice had become into a whisper

Emily walked up behind her wrapping her arms around her waist pulling her close "I can understand that Jennifer" she said softly as she kissed her neck "I feel the same way about Italy and Ohio" she pulled her closer stilling her hand away from the sink which she now had in a death grip.

"Why Ohio?" she mumbled

"I will tell you just not today I would rather this be a happy day where we can just forget the past and the past few months and go and see where our future is going to start" Emily smiled softly as she kissed along JJ's neck

"Mmm, Em in order to do that you need to make a phone call" she teased slightly.

Emily rung the estate agent making another viewing for that morning as they pulled up into the drive they were greeted by Rachel as they walked into the house Emily spoke "Thank you for letting us view it again"

She smiled "Emily it is always a pleasure" she smiled as she watched JJ walk into every room again she chuckled to herself as she watched from the kitchen.

"So would we be able to settle on a price and how soon can the papers be drawn up?" Emily asked while JJ was talking to herself about colours and furniture they would need, they finally settled on a price Emily had managed to get it a little lower since she was going to pay out right for it so it was one less thing to worry about and one less thing to shock her future wife with.

"So in a month we should be able to move in once the paperwork and funds have been transferred over and everything has gone through" Emily said as she wrapped her arms around the blonde standing in the dining room of their new home.

"Do I even want to know the price?" JJ mused as she nuzzled her face into the nook of Emily's neck

"No I think you have heard enough for one day" Emily said softly. "When you go shopping with Garcia, have a look for things you would like to buy for the house" Emily smiled as they headed towards their car. "And I can wrap Morgan into some decorating" she mused

"Em can we tell them?" JJ asked they both wanted to share the news that they were having twins as she thought about it maybe it would be better and her ears would be safer if JJ told Garcia while Emily was with Morgan

"Sure but wait till you are shopping" Emily chuckled as they headed back to the condo to wait for their friends to arrive.

 

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

** Location: Shopping trip **

** Date: 1 April 2007: 11.30am **

"Really!" Garcia squealed

"Yes really, she asked I said yes, but I need to find a ring for Emily and I have no clue where to go or what to get her" JJ said as she showed her the ring

"Wow, that is just beautiful" Garcia said holding her hand inspecting it fully as the sunlight glisten against it, JJ for her part hadn't looked at the band really as Garcia read the inscription the was written on the back "who would have thought Emily was a romantic" she said as JJ finally saw what was written **'my heart'** it blended in so much you could only just see when you really looked at it.

JJ blushed slightly "Pen it is like she will do anything for me and part of me worries that I may not be good enough for her" JJ admitted, she was still shocked that Emily wanted her and only her, their backgrounds and up bringing's were so different.

Garcia laughed "JJ she has been hooked on you from the first day she saw you" she smiled as they walked into the jewellery shop, she really had no idea what type or what to get. The gentlemen in the store showed her many rings but none seemed to say Emily to her and she wanted it perfect and special. But it also had to be practical for work last thing she wanted was for Emily to take down an unsub and it to get caught she looked at Garcia who was grinning that much JJ thought her lips would split.

"Do you think I could get one designed for her?" JJ said softly

"JJ anything you get she will love, but if that is the way you want to go then do it but it will be expensive" she warned.

JJ laughed softly "She's worth it Pen, I feel we wasted so much time and it took her being taken for me to fully see how much I want and need her and how much I love her, if I just told her sooner" she rambled sadly.

No one had really spoken about Emily's attack they had left both women to deal or ask for help if they needed it, Emily was stubborn and sometimes too proud to ask for help, Morgan had hardly spoken or been there for her to push her to talk and Garcia had done the same, no one knew how to talk about it.

"JJ you can't blame yourself you can only move past it and forward I know I haven't been much of a friend to you lately, I was worried if I said something it would hurt, and I also didn't and don't know what to say, but I just hoped you knew I was always here for you even if it was just a shoulder to cry on, your my best friend JJ and I am so sorry" she said softly as they left the shop

"I really don't know where to begin or what to say, Pen seeing her like that and just, she's Emily, she is normally so strong she just Emily we have all said it before about her whenever anything happens we all just seem to say it, but maybe we should have pushed her more"

Garcia shook her head slightly "JJ the only person I know she talks to is Morgan, they just seem to click and work, it is like watching a brother and sister the way they are and he hasn't been much of a partner to her lately" she paused slightly "You know you'll get through this we all will, we are healing slowly Emily well it is still raw it has only been a few months and you both look like you're not sleeping much"

JJ nodded as they walked over to the bench to sit down "I still don't know why she never said anything about Sarah. That is one hell of a thing to hide from us all" Garcia mused.

"She will have her reasons just give her time, she has always been closed off to us very private never talks about anything outside of work, I guess this must be so new to her, having someone to turn to, and a whole group of people who will have her back"

She smiled as she took her hand squeezing it gently "JJ I can wait till your fully ready to talk about everything just remember my door is always open"

JJ smiled softly as a small sigh escaped her lips "Thanks, just not today, we are here for a reason and I have so many thing to be happy for right now" she grinned pushing the thought's to the back of her mind.

They headed back to the jewellers and asked him if it was possible for him to make a ring for her, he nodded his response before explaining it may take a few weeks for it to be made and half would have to be paid up front, JJ grinned as she drew a rough sketched of what she wanted, it was a simple design she had, a silver band shaped in a v pattern with five diamonds embed inside, she explain that they need to be so they wouldn't catch on anything so she could wear it every day and asked for an inscription to go inside the band she smiled as she paid the man before they both headed out the store.

"That was like your month's salary JJ are you sure about this?" Garcia asked

JJ laughed "I am more than sure, she is worth it" they walked for a few moments as JJ stomach growled "Fancy some lunch my treat"

Garcia smirked "Mmm food sounds very good to me right now" JJ said as they found a small café set aside from the main shopping mall, they both ordered their food and waited for it to come with the coffees that they had ordered.

"So you are looking forward to becoming an auntie?" JJ mused

"Oh yes I get to spoil the little one" she grinned as JJ smiled widely before she spoke looking her in the eyes

"We went for a scan the other day you know before we went to the viewing" she said softly

"Really why didn't you say anything?" Garcia frowned she hated being in the dark about things

"Well we had a lot to get our heads around and for it to really sink in I guess, we were in shock if I am honest" she mused as she looked at her.

Garcia now had a very confused look on her face that also masked concern "Is everything okay, I mean is there something wrong? With the baby or Emily?" she rambled

"The babies are fine" JJ replied hoping her words sunk in

"Oh that's go… hang on babies as in two as in twins and in multiple as in oh my god" she stuttered out, JJ burst out laughing thinking back to the conversation Emily had had with Sarah

"Yes twins Garcia" she nodded

"Well I guess I need to start saving and buying for them both now" she squealed the excitement taking over her

"Calm down we have plenty of time, and we also have settled on the house we are just waiting for it to go through and get a date to move in" she trailed off as their food was placed in front of them.

"You two don't hang around do you, I mean moving house engaged" she paused slightly "What about Strauss?"

JJ smiled at her worried friend "Don't worry about Strauss"

"I can do a thing" Garcia said without thinking.

"No you don't need to do a 'thing' it is or will be handled Emily has promised" JJ smiled.

"So where are we going next?" she asked as they finished their lunch.

"Well I was thinking we could go and look at some furniture for the house and the nurseries, since we want to get new things, Sarah is having the condo so the only things we are taking are the clothes and I also need to sort out my apartment, and give notice" JJ had only just remembered she hadn't been there in over 3 months and was still paying rent and a lot of her things were there.

They had spent the last hour going around looking at furniture before heading out of the department and walking around to find a shop for baby furniture and some clothing JJ couldn't help but smile and get excited, Garcia for her part was giddy it was like watching a child in a sweet store.

JJ found the perfect cot, it was a three in one it would last as they grew to they were at least four it could be changed into to a small single bed when they grew, they argued slightly between themselves.

"I can't let you do that Pen, really have you seen the price of it and we need two now, just"

Garcia cut her off "Look JJ I want to, I earn more money than you and think of it as a gift I want to do something for you both and for my future nieces or nephews please" she practical begged her, fluttering her eye lashes at her with a puppy dog expression.

JJ couldn't help but cave in "You know Emily will kick your ass don't you" JJ mused

"No because she knows I can do a 'thing' and her credit rating will be"

JJ held her hand up "No doing a 'thing' Garcia"

By the time they were finished they headed back home carrying 10 bags full of things for Emily and the babies that weren't even born yet but the clothes and baby grows almost called out to them to buy JJ had got caught up in it all as they loaded the car up she groaned slightly as she looked at Garcia

"Emily s going to kill us"

Garcia laughed "Maybe but remember we have Morgan there to protect us" she grinned

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Time: 11.30am **

"We can just sit in silence if you want till they get back" Morgan said softly but kindly to Emily, she had become nervous, she was fine at work and out in the field because she knew JJ was near and close, she hadn't been alone with her friend and partner for the past 3 months let alone been alone with a male.

For the first time since joining the BAU she felt uncomfortable, she looked at him with unsure eyes, there was a kindness there that was covered in love and understanding, Morgan may not always be the most patient of people, but when it came to the team he was and more importantly when it came to Emily he had all the time in the world. Emily in his eyes was his sister he loved her and cared about her like family does.

He look into her sad and unsure eyes, looking down he saw the tell tail signs that Emily was stressed out and nervous, she had begun picking her fingernails, with slow movements he reached out his hand to still hers looking straight at her.

"Talk to me Emily" he asked softly but his eyes were pleading with her.

"I…Morgan I" she stopped for a second.

"Never had you pegged for someone stuck for words princess" he teased softly, which earn him a small laugh.

"I'm sorry, didn't think I'd. It…this would be so"

"Hard?" he finished her sentence for her "How about we start with something small" he frowned slightly "Well it's not that small in fact its huge" he smiled earning a confused frown of Emily "Details!" he smirked "You, JJ" he raised his eyebrows seeing a small smile start to edge on her lips

"I don't kiss and tell and you know that" she mused at him.

"Okay are you happy?" he tried a different approach, he was a master at this, even though Emily had brains and wit and was also a nerd, he just had a way of drawing things out of her without her fully noticing sometimes, which was now as she started to ramble slightly

"I am when Jennifer is around, when she isn't, my mind goes back there, I'm trapped I am scared of myself and people I don't know I am ashamed of myself, I trust you Morgan but what if we are in the field can you trust me to have your back?" she looked sadly into his eyes, looking for any sign of pity or repulsion but found not there was an understanding there and love, the tears filled her eyes but remind unshed.

"First off I trust you, Emily and I also know full well if you didn't think you had my back, or that you couldn’t do your job, you wouldn't have come back. I can't imagine what you went through, because people never go through the same emotions or feelings, but I also know what it is like to feel ashamed and repulsed with yourself" he smiled kindly, Emily had been there for him when he got arrested and found out he had been abused, it was his time to repay her for that. She knew he understood on some level as she looked into his eyes.

"I feel ashamed because I let it happen, I let myself become vulnerable and a target, I don't understand how I never saw or had an idea what he was capable of, I have questioned myself every day and night, how did I not see it, we deal with this every day and I didn't see it what does that say about me"

Morgan let out a slight laugh as he looked at her "Well princess nice to know we are all thinking the same thing" she frowned at him slightly as her eyes narrowed "We think it because, hell Prentiss we played pool with the guy for months, and we never saw it" he looked down at his hands which still held Emily's "We didn't see because we only went after a hard case or when we wanted to let off steam, and mainly because we weren't looking, none of us knew what he was capable of, but I am so glad we never told him our first names or the fact that we were, and are FBI, because the outcome could have been so different" he admitted they knew if he knew she was FBI they may not have got her back alive.

"How is it you always know what to say?" she smiled softly at him a real smile not fake not for show but the smile he knows

"Because you are my friend, and also I do tend to listen when you talk to me, me nodding and agreeing isn't just for side effects" he joked which earned him a playful slap, "Emily I love you and see you as family, and I hope you know you have five people that would do anything for you, who have been waiting by the phone for them to be able to help you, and me personally I'm glad it is me here because you are my friend and you are my partner and I can help you through this if you let me"

The tears were rolling down her cheek, which she hadn't noticed, he brought his hand up to her cheek and wiped them away as she pulled him into a hug which in return he pulled her closer wrapping his arms around her tight, the tears soon stopped but she stayed in his arms as she spoke.

"So to change the subject" she mused to get the topic moving and off the painful past for a while, sometimes it was a little too intense the emotions she felt regarding her torture "I've asked JJ to marry me" she blushed as Morgan gasped and slapped her shoulder

"You little vixen, you kept that quite, why didn't you tell me" he grinned before he frowned "She did say yes, didn't she?"

Emily laughed "Yes she said yes" he kissed her head softly.

"I am so happy for you, but I must say, you really should have told her sooner. I was ready to bang your heads together" he teased as they settled into comfortable silence.

She stayed in his arms her head resting on his shoulder, like many times they had done this when they were alone and Emily was opening up to him about things that were playing on her mind, or they were watching a film, and no one out of them knew this side to their relationship he was her partner and her brother, but Morgan like his macho image and she wouldn't brake that for anything, this in their eyes was something just between them.

"So I settled on the house you know the last one we viewed the other day, Jennifer loved it and I admit I do as well but I want her to be happy" she smiled as his grip got a little tighter around her.

"I knew you would, could tell with your faces" he smiled

"And well there is another thing" her voice became serious as she pulled away from him, she had learnt awhile back when they had watched sports together never sit close to him when she knows it will make him hyper or very happy.

"So how do you feel about being an uncle" she mused as she looked at him with a mischievous grin on her face

"I can't wait" he grinned

"So as an uncle would you be willing to decorate two nurseries?"

Morgan looked at her with wide eyes as he jump from the sofa "Two, you're having twins, wow! That's, when did you find out? And damn Prentiss" he became giddy as Emily looked at his with a bemused smile on her face

"The day we went to the viewings, you are going to have a niece and nephew" she waited as her words sunk in.

"Niece, nephew" he repeated to himself the grin getting wider on his face "Damn it Prentiss that is great news! I mean are you happy about it?"

She nodded "I am we were in a little bit of shock and it took a while to sink in but yeah we are both happy"

* * *

They had settle down into a peaceful silence watching a film Emily was now sitting curled into Morgan's protective arm he head rested on his shoulder, they were so interested on the film that they never heard the door open or close as the two walked behind them JJ and Garcia giggled slightly causing them both too jump apart and also to look very guilty

"You two looked so comfy don't let us stop you" JJ said laughing

"They really make a cute couple don't they" Garcia tease the now blushing brunette

"Now baby girl just" he was cut off

"Oh, your macho status just disappeared" JJ teased he held his hands up to speak as the two of them teased them "Who knew Derek Morgan was a big softie" JJ smirked as Emily's eyes went wide as she spotted the bags they had hold of

"Jennifer please tell me those bags aren't all yours" she said slightly warily

"Well no some are Garcia's" she mused as Garcia spoke

"But they are also for you, I couldn't help myself, I am going to be an auntie" she gushed out,

Emily rolled her eyes slightly but she couldn't help share in her excitement "So you going to show us?"

Morgan ask as he shook his head looking at her as he mumbled "My bank account is going to be sore" JJ eyes went wide as Emily stared at him slapping him hard

"Your bank account?" she asked as Garcia blushed.

"Well yes he wanted... he asked." She stuttered out knowing they had been somewhat busted, considering the knowing grin on JJ's face as she shoved Garcia

"You're a dark horse aren't you? You two are? How long?" Emily said as she looked at his partner

"Bags I want to see bags" Morgan said now intently interested in what they had bought trying to take the looking eyes off him

"Oh no you don't, you've got some explaining to do" Emily said seriously as she eyed them both up.

JJ was glaring at her best friend "Tell us" JJ finally asked

"Well we've been" she sighed as she looked at Morgan for help "Four years" he finally admitted

"FOUR YEARS!" Emily said in a very loud voice "How did we not, why did you not, all them times we have been out together and you haven't told me" Emily said slightly hurt as JJ shook her head.

Morgan looked at Garcia before looking down "We just wanted something private and not made complicated or well"

Garcia finally spoke "We just wanted something away from the team, we all practically live together, and this was just"

JJ cut in resting her hand on Garcia's arm "We are happy for you, you could have told us and we won't say anything will we Em" JJ said softly sensing her friends unease.

They may all be friends but sometimes they wanted to hold things back keep a little something for themselves and both Emily and JJ understood this all too well "Lips are sealed" Emily smiled at them both "But seriously we are happy for you both" she paused "Now show me the bags, please" she grinned.

"So promise you won't shout at me" Garcia said looking at Morgan and Emily

"What did you do?" Morgan asked "And is my bank in the red?"

Garcia smiled "Not quite in the red, but anyway, we discussed this Derek and you said" he cut her off before she rambled too much

"Just tell us, please so I can pass out" he mused slightly

"Well we had planned to buy you the cot for the little bambino so when JJ said twins, well you now have two instead of one"

Emily frowned slightly "Let me get this straight, you bought the cots for us, as in we didn't?" Emily doubled checked as she eyed her partner up

"Yes, we wanted to do something nice for you both" he said, Emily chuckled slightly

"So my macho partner goes to mush when babies are involved" she grinned

"You’re like my sister in my defence" he said as she wrapped her arms around him kissing his cheek

"You didn't need to but thank you, both of you so much" she said looking at her two friends.


	23. Chapter 23

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date & Time: 12 April: 09.00am **

"I can't believe you will be moving in a few days, it is going to seem so empty in here without you both" Sarah said as she handed JJ her coffee

"Well you know there is always a room and you will also have your own key to the house" JJ smiled.

"So where did Morgan drag Mom" Sarah asked changing the subject slightly

"They have gone to look at paint and furniture for the nurseries" she replied

"Oh how come you didn't go with them?"

"Have you seen those two together, it is much safer I stay here than get in-between that" she said smiling

Sarah nodded slightly "well maybe we could, if you wanted to you don't have to though" Sarah said causing JJ to chuckle

"Your mother was right that school didn't teach you a thing" she teased as Sarah frowned slightly "In order for me to answer you have to tell me what you want to do!" JJ said looking at her

"Oh, right, sorry"

JJ shook her head slightly "You do know you sometimes talking to you is like talking to your mom" she joked "Just say it, the worse I can say is no" she smiled softly

"Well I was hoping, I guess if we could talk, you know get to know each other better, since well you're going to be my step-mom I guess once you have set a date and everything" she trailed off slightly.

JJ laughed as she spoke "Please never call me that in public, JJ will do" she teased slightly causing Sarah to laugh "But I would like that, you know to get to know you more" she smiled softly to a now grinning Sarah.

"Great maybe we could go out for the day? To the park or something instead of being stuck in here"

JJ nodded "How about we go somewhere away from here so we don't have to worry about bumping into people we know so we can really talk" JJ said she had a feeling Sarah wanted to more than just talk to get to know her.

"That sounds better, you have somewhere in mind?"

They had driven out of town and had been making small talk for the past two hours as JJ finally pulled the car up in the car park that looked over a lake "You been here often?" Sarah asked as she took in the view and the peacefulness of the place

"Whenever I need to think or need to escape" JJ replied turning off the engine "Also there is a nice café over the other side of the lake" she smiled as they both got out of the car.

They had walk slowly around the lake getting to the half-way point when Sarah became slightly uncomfortable, her voice was lower and JJ began to get concerned, she had told her about the places she had been where she grew up, but now the uneasy silence fell upon them both, Sarah seemed lost in thought, she worn the same look at Emily got when something was playing on her mind.

"Shall we sit there is a bench just ahead" JJ said, but all she got in reply was a slight nodded from her. JJ finally broke the silence that had fallen around them "Sarah what's wrong?" she asked softly her voice showing concern.

Sarah looked at her a sad expression covered her face and JJ couldn't help but feel for her "Whatever it is you can tell me if you want, or we can just go back home" she said kindly

"No, it's just mom hasn't told you has she"

JJ looked at her slightly confused "Told me about what sweetie"

JJ was now becoming more and more worried the lack of expression that shadowed her face and the blankness in her eyes, she didn't want to push, it really wasn't her place, but it was also the same look Emily had when she woke screaming for Sarah to run or she had been woken to find the bed empty and Sarah wrapped in her mother's arms at night.

"What happened Sarah" she asked quietly.

Sarah looked at her, her voice more than a whisper "when I was younger, well not that long ago, we use to live in Ohio, I was 13" she paused before carrying on "Mom had just come back from an assignment from god knows where, she never told me where she was, sometimes she was gone a few weeks other times months" she took a deep breathe "when she came back, it was as though she was spooked, I had never seen her scared JJ ever" she looked at her for a moment before looking back at the floor.

"As you know, no one knew or knows about me, I am just a family member, and I could never understand why, I always called her mom when we were alone at home but outside of the house she was Emily, it use to confuse me greatly" she wiped the tear that was now running down her cheek "I thought she was ashamed of me" she admitted as JJ took her hand in her own trying to give her strength.

"Sarah you don't have to tell me this if you don't want to" she said in a hushed voice.

Sarah shook her head "I need to and I want to, it is just hard I guess" she smiled sadly. "Mom trusts you and I am starting to as well" she looked at JJ before turning away "Anyway when mom got back she was so spooked, checking the locks all the time even when we were both awake, she started to ignore the phone, she withdrew into herself, she came back not as my mother but as a shell that was scared and spooked, as though she was in fear" she sighed.

"About a week later I fully understood why she was so spooked, it was late at night and hot mom had told me to keep my windows closed in my bedroom, but because I didn't know what was going on, I had ignored her, thought she was just being stupid" she shook her head slightly "that night three men came into my room, I woke screaming from my sleep as someone gripped my arms" she tighten her hand around JJ's before she spoke again.

"Lucky mom is a light sleeper, but before she reached my room I was gone, slammed into the back of a truck, my hands and legs tied together tightly, they drove for a while before we reach what I can only describe as a warehouse they tied me up" she shuddered slightly at the memory before pushing on. "I heard them speaking on the phone demanding she come alone or she wouldn't see me again, it was only then I knew they were talking to my mom" Sarah began to shiver slightly.

Bracing herself she leaned into JJ slightly as though she was trying to hide herself "they started to beat me when I didn't answer their questions, hell I never knew what my mom did for a living, I didn't even know she was working for the CIA back then" she said quietly as JJ pulled her close.

"Mom arrived they started to hit her, demanding where their supplies where, she never answered, she just kept looking at me, I refused to call her mom, no one knew as far as they knew I was just a kid staying with her" she sighed "they were smugglers, transporting kids into the country" a sob ripped through her as she held on tighter.

"They beat her, knocking her out before they tied her up next to me" she let out a slight laugh "when mom woke up they were" she closed her eyes "Burned me on my back, I should say branded me" JJ ran her fingers soothingly up and down her back.

"I have the numbers 666 permanently embedded on my skin, it hurt so much, I think my screams woke her, I remember the look of horror in her eyes all she could do was watch" JJ whispered softly

"Shh, it's okay Sarah" holding her a little tighter as she could only think of the pain they had endured

"We must have been there hours, I had lost track of time, they beat mom, then they would start on me again, then they stopped not sure how long for but it was enough time for mom to manage to get the ropes off my hands, I wanted to stay, I didn't want to leave her"

Sarah broke down in JJ's arms "Mom screamed at me to run, she begged, I didn't want to, I was so scared, but mom begged me asking me to get help" JJ held her tighter "So I ran not sure for how long, but I found a phone and rang the police" she let out a stifled laugh "They didn't believe me, it was only when two officers saw me that they acted, I told them what happen, what I knew, well most of it, I never said she was my mom" she broke more

"I couldn't it was one promise I never broke, I was covered in blood and dirty the pain was so much, they got to her we were treated in hospital" she sat up a little more pulling away slightly "Mom never forgave herself JJ never, she tried to kill herself, my mom, strong Emily, tried to kill herself, she wanted to leave me!" she almost shouted, JJ couldn't help the tears that were falling down her cheeks, her heart went out too them both so much "It took mom awhile, but we got through it, just got through it, but with what happened to her, JJ she is reliving both"

JJ nodded "I know but I think you both are" she admitted as Sarah just nodded

"I only realised how much when she rung me that night at 3am asking me to come round, she was so silent, I reached out to her and first thing she did was grip my neck to choke me" she shuddered as JJ looked slightly shocked at her.

"Sarah" she whispered

"That's why when she had that nightmare I told you to move, JJ she won't hurt you, mom isn't like that but you also need to know how bad it is, and what's going on in her mind, she just didn't or doesn't know how to say it, she is so scared she will lose you" Sarah said as the sobs ripped through her body.

JJ wrapped her arms around Sarah tightly as she soothed her the best she could "Sarah listen to me please" Sarah nodded against her "I am not going anywhere, this, what you have told me doesn't change anything, other than it helps me understand things more, your mom needs help, but I also think that maybe you do to" she rubbed her back soothingly.

"This is both your trauma not just your moms, you are both so strong and so alike, but your stubbornness always seems to win" Sarah stayed quite as she listened "I have a past which I have dealt with and I have the scars to prove it, but also its my secret everyone has them Sarah and you, your mom will get through this me the team we can help, they won't judge, Morgan knows your mom better than any of them"

Sarah looked at her as she whispered "Scars?"

JJ chuckled "Yeah I have a few, but that doesn't matter okay, what does is all three of us need help to get through this and to be there for each other, I have nightmares with what happened to your mom, I wake sweating sometimes crying and yet none of us talk about it" she smiled softly at her as she wiped her eyes "Tell you what lets go and get something to eat, I think we both need a break from these" she waved her hand above her head which earn her a laugh from Sarah.

They finally made it over to the other side of the lake the tension had left them and Sarah was more relaxed and open with her as they sat eating the burgers they had ordered "JJ does, well what I told you, I mean"

JJ shh'd her "Doesn't change anything, doesn't scare me, and like I said I'm not going anywhere" she assured her.

* * *

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Time: 17.17pm **

JJ signed as she sipped her coffee, the house was quite Sarah had gone out with some friends and wasn't going to be back tonight, so she waited for Emily to arrive home, Morgan had sent a text saying she had dropped him off and also to see how she was, that was a big question right now as she sat in the silence looking over the capital watching as dusk drew near.

' **Do I tell her? Or not?'** the question spun around in her mind as she thought more about things.

**'She's always so guarded, never says what she use to do before the BAU, she came from nowhere, one day Elle had left, her seat wasn't even cold and Emily turned up!**

**Why did nothing show when Garcia did her thing?**

**Why do I feel so bloody angry towards her, she hasn't really lied but also she hasn't told me the truth either?**

**Did Sarah think I knew or was it an innocent slip of her tongue? Do I even know her? Ugh! I love her so damn much, so why the hell do I feel like I have been betrayed or even deceived. Damn it!'**

The thoughts mulled in her mind she knew she couldn't get her answers yet. The person she needed them from was still not home.

The click of the door pulled her from her thoughts as Emily called her name "Jennifer?"

She shook her head slightly "In here" JJ replied. They needed to talk and this could go one of two ways, and yet again JJ thought to herself **'this is where I get hurt. Again!'**

Emily smiled as she walked towards the sofa to greet her properly her and Morgan had, had a lovely time, as she looked at JJ though her face displayed hurt and anger "Jennifer? Is everything okay?" she asked carefully as JJ narrowed her eyes slightly

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be, I mean me and Sarah went out for the day, we talked, she said something though and it is bugging the hell out of me, and I guess we need to talk about a few things" JJ said her voce was an eerily calm as she looked the brunette up and down

"Okay what has Sarah said or done to" she paused looking for the correct way to word it but she came up blank "Piss you off?" she asked

"She hasn't pissed me off" JJ warned as she glared somewhat at Emily

"Okay, what did you talk about? So I have some idea of why you seem anger and hurt?"

"We talked about Ohio" JJ said pointedly, Emily face sunk as the colour shifted from her face causing her to pale slightly.

"Okay, which part she tell you about" Emily asked as she kept her distance sitting down on the chair.

"Oh her being kidnapped beaten"

Emily gulped slightly as she spoke "I. Well..." she sighed softly "didn't know own to tell you or how to bring it up" she admitted.

JJ’s voice rose slightly "CIA! Emily, you worked for the CIA, why the hell didn't we know and more importantly why the fucking hell didn't you tell me?" she said as she started to pace

"Jennifer, I couldn't, I can't,"

JJ glared dangerously at her "I don't know you Emily, not fully, I have let you in I have told you things that no one knows for god's sake, and I had to hear it from Sarah" she scolded

Emily resigned herself to fate to the fact that she shouldn't have got involved, everything was starting to fall around her, how could she tell JJ that she was a spy and that she had done things that haunted her, seen things that made her skin crawl. She looked into sad and angry eyes, picking at her nails.

"You do know me Jennifer, just... I am not allowed to divulge anything regarding it, I was sworn to secrecy" she said softly as her eyes filled with tears "It's not like I wanted to keep it from you, it's not like I had a choice" Emily said as she looked at the floor "I didn't mean to hurt you" she said as she let out a shuddered breath.

"You should have trusted me enough to tell me Emily. You should have believed that I wouldn't have told anyone or said anything, hell Em, I could of helped you more when you screamed, I could have done anything or something instead of the panic of not being able to help you" JJ said as she walked up to her kneeling in front of her stilling her hands.

Emily looked at her for a moment "Have I lost you?" she asked as the tears and fears engulfed her mind

JJ smiled weakly at her "No, you haven't but you will if you can't be honest with me, if you can't let me in, I trust you, but don’t you trust me enough to let me in to allow me to see you, to allow me to help" JJ paused as she tried to control her emotions.

"Emily she told me you tried to kill yourself, do you know what that did to me, I had to keep my fears and feelings away from her, I couldn't let her see, she didn't mean any harm, part of me knows this, but it hurt and it still does. I grew up on the belief there was some good in this world and pain and heartache could and can be healed when you love someone, not to have it ripped away by someone who is meant to love me, who says I am her everything and I have her heart"

She lifted Emily's chin, making Emily look at her "how can I have your heart, if you hide away from me?" she paused to get her breath and to see what Emily would say.

"I am so sorry Jennifer, last thing I wanted was to hurt you, I wasn't ready I wasn't and right now I am not strong enough to be ready, if I let you in my fears will become really my nightmares will come true, I am not proud of what I did in the CIA, but it was a job, one that cost me so much and I guess it still costing me" she said softly as the sobs ripped from her throat. This was not what she wanted this was not how she wanted JJ to find out, and more importantly she never wanted to her the blonde who stole her heart who invaded her dreams, the one person who kept the monsters at bay.

JJ looked at her studying her, hoping to see truth in what she was saying, she saw something, beside the fear and the pain, she saw a blankness, the type you get when you're on the brink of drowning and you’re holding on for dear life, you’re clinging from a thread.

"I love you and that hasn't changed Em and I also know it won't, but I need something from you, I need you to answer me and I want you to be honest with me, you don't have to tell me about the CIA, but it would have been nice to know you worked for them, I need to know what you're feeling, what your fears are so I can help you" JJ said firmly, even though she was hurt she knew that this was her place, this was where she was meant to be

"I can't talk about the CIA, but I can be honest with you, I can learn not to hide away from you from my feelings and thoughts, but I worry they will scare you, and I'll lose you" Emily said honestly.

"Emily. What part of me telling you I am not going anywhere don't you understand?"

"That you will see my demons and be repulsed by them, I have a dark place and it haunts me, I let my daughter get taken, I made her suffer, I did that"

JJ shook her head "You didn't let her and you sure as hell haven't made her suffer, those men did, do you really think that she would be here if you had made her suffer?"

Emily looked at her JJ as more tears fell "I'm scared" she said weakly "Everyone wants me to be strong, but I'm not I'm... I guess... I'm not sure I can do this, get past this get through it, The CIA was hell for me it ripped my heart out it nearly destroyed me Jennifer"

JJ smiled softy as she wrapped her arms around Emily as she cried she whispered softly to her "We have to stop dancing around what has happened to you, we need to talk about it, and I am not just talking about the CIA, I am talking about Rob, Emily, you can't run from it, you can try, you can look at yourself and feel ashamed or embarrassed, but you can't hide from it, it will consume you if you do, and I cannot stand by and watch it rip you apart" she paused for a moment feeling Emily nod against her

"If you can't talk to me write your feelings and fears down, you could see someone and talk to them, if you want, if you feel you can be honest with them" she kissed her temple softly "You don't have to tell me everything but if you're having a bad day or if the thoughts get too much for you, you have to tell me okay, how can I be there for you if you hide from me and don't talk to me?" she said as she moved the hair away from her face feeling her calm slightly

"I promise I will try, but I have kept everything hidden for so long I don't know how to, I built these walls to protect myself and them I care about, what if I pull them down and I lose myself?"

"You trust me to catch you, you trust me not to let you fall, I told you before you are stronger than you think than you feel" she kissed Emily softly "I have fear, I have nightmares, watching you get beaten, watching him invade you like that Emily it killed me because I couldn't save you from that pain" she paused for a moment.

"I catch myself crying someday, when I am in my office, I will look at a file or see a picture and sometimes all I see is you, and that tears at my heart, we have built this bubble around us that is so damn tight that even I am surprised we can breathe, that we can function" she smiled softly "I will make you a deal okay, I will open up and tell you my feelings and fears and I will tell you if things get too much in my mind, if I am having a bad day, as long as you do the same, if it is easier for you to write it down than saying it then do that but no more running and no more hiding, you can hide away your feelings at work, but here in our home you don't"

Emily nodded "Okay, I promise and Jennifer I am so sorry, can you forgive me?"

JJ laughed slightly "I already have forgiven you baby I already have" JJ said hoping she had got the message across praying that she had got through to her, "How about we order a takeout and just watch a film tonight I think we both can use the break as long as you do one thing, just let me hold you, you are safe with me Em, I will never let anyone hurt you again"

Emily nodded "I can do all of them, but can I have a spicy pizza?" Emily smiled slightly as JJ rolled her eyes

"Spicy really Em, the last one stunk the house out for three days" she laughed pulling the brunette out of the chair holding her closer to her as she nuzzled her face into the crook of her neck "Don't ever hide from me again"

"I won't" Emily promised, silently as she thanked whatever god had brought this women into her life in to her heart and soul.

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

** Location: Emily's Condo **

** Date & Time: 15 April: 06.05am **

JJ turned over in her sleep to cuddle into the brunette but yet again the sheets were cold, she groaned slightly, today was they day they were going to start their life together in their own home, slowly she opened her eyes looking at the bright clock she sighed softly to herself, the past two days had been not so much different but hard, JJ had been woken most nights by the sound or Emily sobbing in her sleep, she was quite a somewhat distant but she had kept to her word and been honest with her so far. Telling JJ she was trying to work things out in her mind but she wasn't hiding.

Though she had said she would like to find someone she could talk to once they had moved and got settled in, and also said she didn't know if she would be able to talk to her, but she was trying to do as she had asked and many times over the two days she had found Emily sitting at a table with the pad and pen in her hand staring blankly at the paper, JJ was unsure if anything had finally got written down, but even though she smiled Emily was trying and that is all that JJ wanted her to do.

Throwing the covers off JJ began to get up and started to carry out her morning routine before going to locate Emily, she opened the door to head downstairs as her sense were attack by the smell of coffee, bacon and eggs, her stomach growled, just as Emily began to walk up the stairs she looked at her.

"Good morning" Emily had a smile on her face a real smile, the one JJ had fallen in love with, it had been so long since Emily had looked at her like she was right now.

JJ returned the smile "Morning babe, what's this?"

Emily turn as they both walked back down the stairs "Well I was making the woman of my dreams breakfast in bed but she wasn't there" Emily teased slightly

"Hadn't you best go and look for her then?" JJ teased back, placing the tray of food down Emily turned to take JJ in her arms.

"You are so beautiful Jennifer have I told you that lately?" Emily said taking her into her arms, JJ leaned into her looking into her eyes as she tucked the strayed strand of hair behind her ear, Emily leaned into the touch the smile never altering.

"You're not so bad yourself Prentiss, are you going to tell me what has come over you this morning and how long have you been awake for" JJ asked.

Emily nodded "Been up most of the night couldn't sleep, Jennifer we move today, this is the last time we will wake in this house, I guess you could say I am happy truly happy" she looked at her with a slight worry betraying in her eyes.

JJ leaned forward pulling her in for a loving kiss running her tongue along her bottom lip to ask for access which Emily gave easily, she pulled away slightly smiling at her, "I can't wait baby, but you could have woke me I would have got up with you"

Emily shook her head as she moved pulling the chair for her to sit, taking the seat herself, she spoke softly and somewhat shyly "I needed to think" she frowned "Not think but I needed to" she bit her lower lip trying to find an easier way of saying it "I wrote and well it's not and you can read it but I.. Its but"

JJ looked at her placing a finger on her lips making Emily stop rambling. "Em, no rush and thank you" she smiled.

"So what time are they getting here and just so you are warned I meant what I said, I catch you carrying anything other than holding the door open you will be spending the night on the couch" she stared at her for a moment "Are we clear!" JJ said firmly.

Emily rolled her eyes in slight frustration but she knew JJ was right as she nodded "Promise my back is already starting to get sore" she stood up to move the plates as she turned around

JJ stopped her in her track "Emily" she whispered out looking at the small bump that had appeared, Emily smirked.

JJ rushed running her fingers over her small bump "When did this appear" she said in wilderment "Not sure maybe a couple of days" Emily admitted, she had been waiting for the blonde to notice "I wanted you to" she trailed off as the most cheesiest grin appeared across her face "babies, your babies"

Emily cut her off in a dangerous voice "My babies? My babies? You might want to rethink that Jennifer they are OUR babies, I thought you knew this"

JJ looked at her before cupping her cheek the worry she saw in her eyes broke her heart some days, but right now reassurance was to be given "Em, I am sorry, didn't know how or if, their ours!" she smiled softly "their ours" she whispered again as the words finally sunk into her mind "we going to be mom's, I guess I knew that I just haven't said it out loud before Emily I'm sorry" she said softly as she rubbed the small bump.

Emily smiled softly "It's okay and sorry I didn't mean to well you know"

JJ nodded "So what time the guys getting here for? And has Morgan picked the van up?"

Emily smiled "Well it is a good job your dressed Garcia left me a message last night that they were going to get here for 7.30 and yes Morgan has got the van"

JJ's eyes went slightly wide "This is really happening, we are buying, this is"

Emily laughed "Yes we are going to own a home, I was waiting for this to happen, it's called buyers-remorse"

JJ spent the next hour moving the boxes they had with Emily's books in and placing them near the door, they had her condo to move and JJ's apartment so it was going to be a very long day, for them both, but it was going to be worth it. Garcia had already arranged everyone to meet for half seven, which had made both Sarah, Emily and JJ laugh, they never seen her so bossy but it took some pressure off them both. They had arranged for the furniture to be delivered after 12pm which gave the enough time to have gotten most of the stuff moved in.

JJ had left the door open so they could come straight it, Garcia's voice rung through the condo already telling Morgan to start moving the boxes into the van "But I want to" the glare she gave him got him to shut up and do as he was asked as she watched him bend down she drooled slightly as JJ walked over to her.

"How can anyone not find that the sexiest thing?"

JJ laughed "If you say so Pen, if you say so" she teased.

The guys showed up not long after "What time do you call this?" Garcia asked as Hotch, Rossi and Reid walked through the door.

Reid smiled at her "It is 7.45am Garcia" which in turn made everyone chuckle

"If you wasn't so adorable I would shout at you for being late, but you two I expect better from" she stared at Hotch and Rossi

"Sitter was late" Hotch grumbled which seemed to be acceptable for Garcia

"Right well these boxes need to be taken down to the van" she clapped her hands together as she got them to work.

Emily chuckled "She is very"

JJ shook her head "I know" they both rolled their eyes as JJ went to help. "Don't forget what I said Emily" JJ said as she started moving the boxes as Garcia interrupted

"Sarah, you are helping as well" she ordered as Emily whispered

"Just help or she can do a 'thing' and you don't want her to do a 'thing' trust me" Sarah nodded and started to help, the more hands they had the faster it would get done.

Emily settled herself on the stool in the kitchen as she watched them, she wanted to help but aside from the promise she had made, her back was aching slightly, but just because she could help with the move she could at least keep them fed and watered she thought as she began to pull some meat and salad out of the fridge, to make sandwiches for them all and getting the coffee machine ready. It had amazed her that it had only taken them a couple of hour to get everything into the van as they all piled back into her kitchen slightly red in the face she couldn't help but laugh.

"You guys look worse than when we have to chase unsubs" she teased as Morgan pushed her slightly

"Just because you get to stand around and watch" he looked at her for a moment, as JJ slapped him around the back of his head

"Children behave or I will ground you both" they couldn't help but laugh as they all took a seat and began eating, JJ handed the coffees around as she stood behind Emily rubbing the lower of her back.

"So you will follow us or Morgan if he remembers how to get there" JJ joked

"I do. How could I forget" the rest of them hadn't seen the house yet all they had been told by Morgan and Garcia was it was big, which really wasn't much of a description for them, as they pulled up outside the house.

Reid let out a low whistle "Wow, Emily it’s huge not big"

Rossi patted him on the shoulder "It's nice Prentiss" he said as she opened the door for them to have a look around before they started to unload the van.

The boxes were label so they got shown the different rooms so they all knew where the things were to be placed, Emily stood at the side watching her things be brought in she couldn't help thinking that it really wasn't a lot of belongings considering she was 37 and had little to show for it in all fairness.

JJ snaked her arms around her waist resting her fingers across her stomach "You okay babe" JJ whispered in her ear, Emily nodded slightly

"Just not much to show for 37 years have I" she murmured

"Well that can change and it will do sweetie, we've got one more trip to do, will you be okay with Garcia or would you rather I stay here with you while they get my things?"

"I'll be okay" she paused slightly as she turned in her arms "Don't take too long" her eyes pleaded as JJ nodded

"Okay sweetie just relax while I'm gone we can sort everything out when we are alone" she smiled softly as she placed a light kiss against her lips.

"Are you okay Emily?" Garcia asked once everyone had left to collect JJ's things.

"Yeah I'm good, how is everything with you?" she smiled softly at her before finding the floor more interesting

"Oh you know me peaches, I am always good" she beamed "I bet you two can't wait to get settled in"

Emily shifted slightly "Yeah, could do with a soak in the bath as well though" she replied wishing JJ and they guys would hurry up getting back.

They continued to make small talk for a while, Emily was becoming more tired all she wanted to do was sit down or soak in the bath, she had woke up sore and the pain had now been with her most of the day and she was becoming more and more irritable, luckily the furniture arrived to distract them both, they men put the things where Emily and Garcia told them, just as they were leaving Morgan arrived with the van and the rest following in the car.

By 4pm everything was done, Emily and JJ had treated them all to lunch to say thank you, they were finally alone Emily curled into JJ on the new sofa since neither of them wanted to even think about unpacking they had tomorrow to do it before they were back in work.

"Jennifer" Emily said softly as she nuzzled into her more.

"What it is Em, you've been quite all day"

She let out a soft sigh "I really need a bath my back is killing me for some reason, but will you join me?"

JJ kissed the top of her head "Of course sweetie, and maybe an early night"


	25. Chapter 25

** Location: Emily's and JJ's (AKA Home) **

** Date & Time: 16 April: 03.03am **

This was their home, this was their new start, this was where they were going to become a family, this was meant to feel safe, and yet again no matter how tired she was, she just could not settle, it had been the same thing for the past few nights.

Emily moved slightly and unwrapped herself from JJ's embrace carefully not to wake her, she sat up and watched her for a while, she knew she was lucky, she knew she loved the woman who held her every night, who helped sooth the nightmares when they came, and with her she felt safe, and with JJ there was no need to put on a macho attire, she could and would allow her vulnerable side to show, she could let her walls down and be scared and cry in her arms. So why on earth could she not sleep?

After watching JJ she went to get up finding her dressing gown which luckily they had left hanging on the back of the door for them both, she walked downstairs, finding her familiar writing pad, it was the only thing Emily had asked not to be packed up she had kept it close to her and placed it in the kitchen drawer, she grabbed her pad and pen and walked into the dining room, putting the heating on since it was still chilly.

**_Dear Jennifer,_ **

**_I have been sat staring at this most nights not knowing how to explain or how to open up, but again I can't sleep and you will wake to find cold sheets again, I am sorry but I know or I hope you know it is nothing to do with you._ **

**_You said we don't talk about Rob and your right we don't, I am not sure that I can!_ **

**_What happened to Sarah, I know I wasn't me that beat her but sometimes I blame myself because I allowed us to be put in that position, I allowed my job to invade my home life._ **

**_After Sarah and I got home from the hospital, I shut down, I was closed off and Sarah became the parent. She handled what had happened far better than what I did._ **

**_My Mother helped Sarah, I tried but when I looked in her face and her eyes I saw pain and I put it there, no one else but me._ **

**_It went on for weeks, I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't leave the house, I had closed myself off from everyone, they said they would have my back and they didn't Jennifer, they didn't care and that put Sarah in danger. One night I woke screaming from my sleep, Sarah had come to wake me to help me, and I hit her! Me I hit my own child for god's sake._ **

**_I became the monster, but yet she never shied away from me, I am not proud nor do I push it away but I hit her Jennifer because my dreams were more real than anything, so much happened not just Sarah getting taken, but also the undercover work that I did, and let's just say my skin still crawls with what I had to do._ **

**_The night I tried to kill myself, it wasn't just because of shame and guilt, it was much worse, I had slept most the afternoon and Sarah had woke me, I went for a bath, finally feelings a little better, how wrong was I?_ **

**_I got out of the bath and went back downstairs, I remember looking out the window just staring._ **

**_I never heard her, didn't even hear her as she walked behind me, the next thing I remembered was Sarah's voice screaming in pain, from what she told me, she had made me jump and my hand flew to her neck, that night after I tried to strangle my own flesh and blood I couldn't trust myself no more._ **

**_I couldn't allow myself to be near her, what if I did something worse, what would have happened if I had killed her Jennifer. I was a monster._ **

**_Sarah didn't blame me though, so I blamed myself more making myself believe that she didn't blame me because she feared me, so I blamed myself, and I blamed myself for everything, and I to a degree I was right… I had a great idea that was the night I knew she was better off without me. She would be safe if I was dead._ **

**_Sarah found me, empty pill bottles and a few bottles of wine and my gun, I had passed out before I could pull that trigger, Sarah rung the medics and my Mother._ **

**_It was after that I resigned from the CIA and started to work for the FBI. I still didn't trust people, I didn't trust them that I worked with, and I had made a vow never to allow anyone to see Sarah with me again._ **

**_She understood she was enrolled into a private school and lived with my Mother so Sarah could blend in as one of the staff’s children, she still had nightmares and this with Rob has brought her fears back, her pain, and worse of all you got hurt, because yet again I couldn't do my job!_ **

**_If I can't protect myself how can I protect you? I just seem to be bad luck and more so with them I love. Sarah hurt because of my job… You hurt because you saw, what if I hurt these babies?_ **

**_What if when I look at them all I see is him?_ **

**_What do we tell them about their dad?_ **

**_Do we lie or do we tell them, they are here because of a brutal act? How will that make them feel?_ **

**_God Jennifer I am so scared what if I can't love them? What if I hurt them or worse? What if I hurt you?_ **

**_Would you all be better off without me? Are you going to be able to love them?_ **

**_What if you can't stay with me because I am dirty? I am tainted scum. What if_ **

JJ had turned in her sleep to find cold sheets again opening her eyes her heart sunk Emily had gone again from their bed she looked at the clock rubbing her eyes 3.42am she sighed softly as she got out of the bed grabbing her dressing gown, hoping she could get Emily to come back to bed and get some sleep.

She had watched her all day, as she struggled to talk to their friends, she looked drawn and tired, JJ had guess in the past few days she must have only had around 6 hours sleep from the dark circles that shadowed her eyes and it broke her heart.

She made her way downstairs slowly the glow from under the dining room door told her that Emily was in there, she made a stop in the kitchen to put the coffee machine on for them both, before heading to her. She stood at the door for a few moments hearing the soft cries of the woman she loved; opening the door she whispered "Emily" last thing she wanted to do was scare her. Emily dropped her pen upon hearing her name she looked up with tears running down her face, but her eyes were blank.

JJ walked slowly over to her "Come on Em" she said softly moving the pen and paper, before carefully taking hold of her hands, Emily shook her head slightly she looked at JJ then at the pad, before pushing it towards her. "You want me to?" JJ asked as she kept hold of her other hand.

"I…" she looked down as she nodded. She knew she needed to allow her, she had promised her and deep down she knew if she let JJ in maybe she could help her overcome her fears, even if it wasn't everything for now it was enough.

JJ took her time reading what Emily had wrote keeping the brunette close to her she wiped a tear away that was rolling down her face as she finished before looking at her "Come on let's have a coffee and if you want we can talk about some of this" her voice was soft and kind and filled with love, Emily only looked at her as JJ pulled her up taking the pad in her other hand and walking into the kitchen.

She placed the cup in front of her which Emily wrapped her fingers around grateful of the heat that was slowly warming her, "Jennifer" she said weakly, she gave Emily a soft smile before she spoke

"Emily do you know how proud I am of you?" Emily frowned slightly, part of her was confused and the other was thinking JJ had read the wrong letter.

"W...hy?" JJ sat next to her placing the pad in front of them wrapping her hand around her waist so Emily could lean into her.

"I am proud for some many reasons Em, you did something that even I was worried you might not have done been able to do. You are slowly letting me in and you’re trying and that makes me so proud of you, because you trust me enough to let me look at this and share what is going on in your beautiful mind" JJ said as Emily leaned into her.

"Sarah is strong because you are, and you need to stop punishing yourself for that" she said softly as Emily mumbled

"How?"

JJ kissed her brow "I want if you think you can and I can even be with you if you want, but you need to talk to someone about this, I don't have the answers, not all of them anyway, but I want to help I need to help you because I love you" she paused slightly "You wouldn't need to tell them about this" as she placed her hand on Emily's stomach "because I think, and I may be wrong, you need to deal with what happened with you and Sarah before you can fully deal with what Rob has done to you" JJ held her closer feeling Emily shuddered at the mention of Rob's name "Do you think you can do that or do you want to think about it?" JJ asked

Emily didn't answer straight away as she tried to control the tears that were falling "Only if your with me" Emily finally whispered into her chest as JJ held her tighter.

"Already told you I'm not going anywhere" she said softly causing Emily to smile slightly

"Thank you" she let out in a breath.

"And as for this Emily, I am safe with you, so is Sarah, you didn't hurt me, can you try and understand that?" she asked softly but not waiting for her to reply "I already love our babies which are growing inside of you because Emily, they are apart of you, you are a good person a loving person, just because of how they came to be, will not change my feelings towards them or you, you are stuck with me Prentiss" she said in a firm but kind voice.

"I am so glad you don't hide from me and you let me see you, not the Emily we see at work, though I do feel Morgan knows you better than I do and yet I'm the one sleeping in your bed" JJ teased trying to make Emily calm down more in the hopes of getting her back to bed for a few more hours.

"He doesn't know everything" Emily mused as the tears finally stopped falling.

"Let's take these upstairs, do you think you are going to be able to get some sleep baby, you look so tired" JJ said as she looked in her eyes, which now seemed to have life in them and not the blankness she had seen the past few months.

"I can try" Emily said as she tried to keep close to JJ which is hard when you have to move to get to bed.

Finally JJ had got her back into bed pulling her close so that her head rested on her chest so Emily could hear her heart beat as she spoke softly "Emily I'm not scared of you, so please stop worrying that you might hurt me, because I know you won't."

"Okay" Emily mumbled as she closed her eyes it was something she couldn't promise yet.


End file.
